I felt "cheap" after being with mm last

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
I felt "cheap" after being with mm last
6
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 10:28am
Our realtionship has been going on for over 3 months. We've only been "together" 3 times (including last night). We talk every day sometimes twice. And we see each other because of our children almost every day. For some reason after last nights little romp I just felt like I was stooping to a lower level. I'm not sure if I can explain it. It wasn't guilt for my husband but a little guilt that "I" deserve better. Anyone ever feel like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Yes, though not with OM. The occasional time when I felt that way, it was because the sex seemed to be about the man fulfilling himself, rather than it being something we did together. If he made me feel like I was there for him - rather than that he wanted to make *me* and *us* happy - then there's that risk.

The last time this happened was many years ago, with an MM I was involved with while single. He talked really dirty, which shocked me because he had always seemed so respectful to me, and the whole thing made me feel like an object of *his* desire, rather than a person. Is that how you felt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
I guess I'm just longing for the things MM and I can't do. We can't go out to dinner, or to the movies. We talk for hours but that's it. Maybe I feel bad that I get some kind og pleasure out of it also. Thanks. Your comment shed some light on my feelings.
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Nope, absolutely no guilt or cheap feelings here:) I know, right where MM and I are in our relationship. We adore spending time with each other and even though the Sex is fabulous, the conversation, the respect for each other and friendship is just as wonderful. We love sex with each other, no matter where or when. I do understand what you're feeling. There was a time in my life many years ago (pre MM) that I may have felt the way you do but I've seemed to have evolved. I'm at a point in my life that I truly don't care what others think of me. If you feel like you deserve better than you do. Always follow you instints!I wish you luck!Am I making any sense from my ramblings???? NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Hi there! It sounds like your heart is sending you a very important message, and you sound like a very insightful person. Yes, I have also felt this way - but believe it or not its been when I'm with my H who does just what another poster talked about in response to yours - uses sex for his own gratification. It's totally different with OMM - he's with me emotionally and spiritually during sex. It's funny, the "sex" i.e. physical component of our lovemaking isn't the outstanding part - its the emotional and spiritual connection. I've never experienced anything like it. Pay attention to this signal from your heart. It's tough to live with being used for physical gratification. Good luck!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
secret, please don't feel "cheap" for wanting to be with MM, your feelings for him are real and yours alone. your MM doesn't cheapen you -- so try not to get "up in your head" after being with him.

as for the other part of your post about having dinner or seeing a movie, realistically you cannot expect to do "normal" relationship activities -- not in an A/EMA. but you can do those kinds of things separately and have a nice little thought about the other and then share that experience the next time you talk. that's what MM and i do. we describe our day (or the weekend) and if he's out somewhere and thinks about me, he calls my cell and leaves me a message about what he's doing, with me next to him, and i do the same. that way, we share all our experiences together. works for us!

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
OK, that's different, and I do understand what you are talking about. OM and I have gotten used to the "sequencing" - that, unlike a normal relationship where you can spend hours together in public, talking and sometimes kissing, and then go home and make love if that's what you want - we generally can only do one thing at a time: have a beer or breakfast together but not touch each other, talk on the phone but not see each other, spend hours making love but not engaging in the kind of conversation we have on the phone because it's the only time we'll be able to make love for a few weeks. I do recall one time when we made love for about 3 hours and talked very little, and I thought, uh-oh, does this mean he just wants my body? The answer, of course, was NO, but both of us want to soak up as much of each other physically as we can, because it's got to last a while.

We have accepted that there is no normal "dating" here. We can have a beer on the way home from work or breakfast on the way into work, but I draw the line at dinner, which he has suggested - I have a family that wants me for dinner, and not only do I owe them that, I want to be with them, too. So, yeah, it ends up being little slices of time here and there, and they all tend to be one thing or another, but not the "full" experience you get when you are dating someone.