i give up
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i give up
| Tue, 11-04-2003 - 7:04pm |
i wrote an email to online om that just about says it all..but don't worry..i'm not leaving this board..i love listening to your situations.
here's what i wrote:
i don't know what to think anymore. it's been 3 weeks since we've talked. you aren't responding to my emails. i don't know how to feel anymore. it's like you've disappeared and i'm tired of feeling like crap since i haven't heard from you.
i apologize in advance if this hurts your feelings but i'm moving on. i hate being left hanging and waiting to see if you are ever going to email me...staying online all night just in case you message me.
i've really been putting my life on hold for you...and i can't do that anymore. my life is happening NOW, not 3 years from now.

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Wishing~
I know how hard it is when you don't know what's happening. I also want to send an email to my MM but i don't know if he has internet access where he is cause he hasn't replied to my 2 previous emails or any of my text msgs. Its really hard to know wether to say anything or not because i don't know what the reason for NC is. Did i already jump to the wrong conclusion & say too much & has he taken it all the wrong way? It'd be so good if we could all be mind readers wouldn't it? I think what you said is good cause it should make him realise that all you need is to know. That's the hardest part.. not knowing. I woke up this morning & decided to send him a voice mail msg on his phone but thankfully i came to my senses & i've decided to wait until a month without any contact from him then i'll just put it nicely like you did in that email. Just so i can then finally move on.
It said....
I tried to leave a voice msg just so i can say that if you change your mind about talking you know where to find me. I need to focus on more important things for a while instead of wondering what i did wrong. But pls know that you are still important to me & i hope that 1 day you will decide to let me know how you are doing. I cherish what we had & have no regrets except maybe that we didn't have more time. Remember you said friends forever? But i won't try anymore. Ball's in your court.
I then sent another one straight after saying....
P.S. Maybe you could see your way clear to send me a photo by email someday. I don't know if you still have internet access but i did send a couple of emails but i won't send anything more there either unless you say you'd like me to. I miss you. Good luck in whatever you do. xxx
I know i haven't done anything wrong but i said that to him to make him realise how i'm feeling. He probably won't care cause if he did he would've made some sort of contact by now. As for the part about no regrets.. i realised today that without saying that i can't move on. As was said to me in another post if he sees our A any differently then that's sad for him. I also know i don't owe him any explanation about what i'm doing or why i'm not trying anymore but as i said that was for my own benefit.
Then I did hear from him in Sept. for a few days, then he did the disappearing act again until just a couple days ago. Then he asked me to meet him which I did yesterday and it was really great, like old times (at our fav. hotel). I don't have many illusions, ours is a sexual relationship but I did tell him it hurt me to not hear from him for so long, and I hope there won't be anymore huge gaps again. Because I do think too, "why cant he at least send a short message or something?" But then I really don't know what's going on in his life. I know he's busy with work, kids, etc. And so am I. Women are more sensitive to feelings, men are not. They just seem to think everything is okay when you just pick up the pieces where you left off. Don't you think?
i think the reason i am so worried is because his ex-girlfriend lives there. they have been on/off for the last 3 years. it seems like they were on when he and i were off and vice versa. that whole situation is very shady. he doesn't tell me much unless i ask. but he's always reassured me i have nothing to worry about. but that's still hard. she can be there live in person..while i can't. that makes a huge difference.
p.s. I live in Canada, want me to check up?? just kidding
the NC bull here again myelf like two weeks now... I leave a lighthearted
just wanted to see if you are okay... talk to you soon blah..blah .. blah..
but like on e of you said...He knows me quite well and knows this breaks my
heart....so basically, then he is just being a selfish bastard. IF he know
this makes me nuts and still has to go through "the wIfe and kids thing"
pretty regularly now, he had stopped doing this routine for a long time when
I told him this is unaccepatable and he said " I know it is..." and that was
over a year or two ago.... asked him to tell me if he doesnt want to see me anymore
he says that it's nothing personal, just what he goes through....... then last time
he was here for only an hour he said that the short times together--- we call it
a drive-by.... "make him stupid" and that's why he doesn't come over....
I love him but this is affecting me in a bad way .... getting depressed and teary
a lot of the time....... called him once this week and once last week and NCB
I am dying inside i really am...... trying to keep busy, but it is so hard to have
your heart breaking and try to act like everything is fine.
Edited 9/20/2004 1:57 pm ET ET by seansluv
are we in the same boat or what.
try having your heartbreak like this and having to see dh everyday and be sooo chipper. i don't even want to workout anymore, just no motivation. i just want an answer...is it over or not?
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