i give up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
i give up
20
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 7:04pm
i wrote an email to online om that just about says it all..but don't worry..i'm not leaving this board..i love listening to your situations.

here's what i wrote:

i don't know what to think anymore. it's been 3 weeks since we've talked. you aren't responding to my emails. i don't know how to feel anymore. it's like you've disappeared and i'm tired of feeling like crap since i haven't heard from you.

i apologize in advance if this hurts your feelings but i'm moving on. i hate being left hanging and waiting to see if you are ever going to email me...staying online all night just in case you message me.

i've really been putting my life on hold for you...and i can't do that anymore. my life is happening NOW, not 3 years from now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 8:45pm
I just wanna give you some hugs and support. I think maybe you do need to tell him if that is how you are feeling...maybe it is time to move on. That is no way to live your life.

Wishing~

Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 9:25pm
The best of luck to you.

I know how hard it is when you don't know what's happening. I also want to send an email to my MM but i don't know if he has internet access where he is cause he hasn't replied to my 2 previous emails or any of my text msgs. Its really hard to know wether to say anything or not because i don't know what the reason for NC is. Did i already jump to the wrong conclusion & say too much & has he taken it all the wrong way? It'd be so good if we could all be mind readers wouldn't it? I think what you said is good cause it should make him realise that all you need is to know. That's the hardest part.. not knowing. I woke up this morning & decided to send him a voice mail msg on his phone but thankfully i came to my senses & i've decided to wait until a month without any contact from him then i'll just put it nicely like you did in that email. Just so i can then finally move on.

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:39am
you are all writing from my own heart. I am sure i am known as the heartless b***h now as OM's mom is dying and i have been been so hurt and sad by not hearing from him in weeks, but thats me. It is the hardest thing to tell him byee, and to mean it. I am afraid i have not been as strong as i hoped. good luck to you all!!
Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:04am
Its hard to be strong when all it takes is a cpl of mins out of their day to let you know they are still thinking of you or that they've changed their mind. I said that i had decided to wait until its been a month without contact but this afternoon i realised i couldn't do that. I need to accept that he doesn't care or he would've made even the smallest gesture by now. So i did end up calling his phone expecting it to go to his message bank because he's not in a good area for service. I was taken by surprise when it rang & then when it tried to convert to his message bank i got a recorded message saying that that service wasn't available from my phone. I realise now that he would've at least gotten some of my messages but hasn't bothered to say anything back. So that says it all. So i sent him a text message so i can regain some self respect & move on.

It said....

I tried to leave a voice msg just so i can say that if you change your mind about talking you know where to find me. I need to focus on more important things for a while instead of wondering what i did wrong. But pls know that you are still important to me & i hope that 1 day you will decide to let me know how you are doing. I cherish what we had & have no regrets except maybe that we didn't have more time. Remember you said friends forever? But i won't try anymore. Ball's in your court.

I then sent another one straight after saying....

P.S. Maybe you could see your way clear to send me a photo by email someday. I don't know if you still have internet access but i did send a couple of emails but i won't send anything more there either unless you say you'd like me to. I miss you. Good luck in whatever you do. xxx

I know i haven't done anything wrong but i said that to him to make him realise how i'm feeling. He probably won't care cause if he did he would've made some sort of contact by now. As for the part about no regrets.. i realised today that without saying that i can't move on. As was said to me in another post if he sees our A any differently then that's sad for him. I also know i don't owe him any explanation about what i'm doing or why i'm not trying anymore but as i said that was for my own benefit.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 12:20pm
Its really hard to know what's the best thing to do in that situation. I didn't hear from MM from beginning of Aug until end of Sept. I didn't know what to think during that time, and just sent a couple little emails just saying "thinking of you, hope to see you" just things like that but keeping it light. I was REALLY tempted to send more desparate sounding messages, but thankfully I managed to surpress those ones.

Then I did hear from him in Sept. for a few days, then he did the disappearing act again until just a couple days ago. Then he asked me to meet him which I did yesterday and it was really great, like old times (at our fav. hotel). I don't have many illusions, ours is a sexual relationship but I did tell him it hurt me to not hear from him for so long, and I hope there won't be anymore huge gaps again. Because I do think too, "why cant he at least send a short message or something?" But then I really don't know what's going on in his life. I know he's busy with work, kids, etc. And so am I. Women are more sensitive to feelings, men are not. They just seem to think everything is okay when you just pick up the pieces where you left off. Don't you think?
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 12:50pm
my om knows me VERY well. he has done this before and he knows how upset it makes me. he is single..so i don't have to worry about all that. i know that he is living with a friend till he gets his own place..but still this move is only temporary..so he says. he said he'll be back in the states by april (in canada now). it's very difficult for me to suppress my feelings. i still have a few mean emails in draft form..i did it just to get things off my chest with no intention of sending them.

i think the reason i am so worried is because his ex-girlfriend lives there. they have been on/off for the last 3 years. it seems like they were on when he and i were off and vice versa. that whole situation is very shady. he doesn't tell me much unless i ask. but he's always reassured me i have nothing to worry about. but that's still hard. she can be there live in person..while i can't. that makes a huge difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 12:59pm
Did you say before this is a LDA or an online A? That must make it really difficult. Especially if you don't really see each other. With mine, we mostly would talk online, but we were getting together usually 1x a week. But that all changed the end of this summer, I've definitely been put on the back burner. Although I did see him yesterday, I don't really know if things are going to get back to how they were. Sometimes s*** happens, and we have to be patient. JMHO, but I wouldnt draw the line in the sand if you REALLY want to have contact with this guy again. Maybe if you give it time, he will come back again. LIke the saying goes .... I tried to remember that every day of our NC. Good luck to you and best wishes.

p.s. I live in Canada, want me to check up?? just kidding

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:57pm
HI girls... just reading all the posts on this one and am gong through

the NC bull here again myelf like two weeks now... I leave a lighthearted

just wanted to see if you are okay... talk to you soon blah..blah .. blah..

but like on e of you said...He knows me quite well and knows this breaks my

heart....so basically, then he is just being a selfish bastard. IF he know

this makes me nuts and still has to go through "the wIfe and kids thing"

pretty regularly now, he had stopped doing this routine for a long time when

I told him this is unaccepatable and he said " I know it is..." and that was

over a year or two ago.... asked him to tell me if he doesnt want to see me anymore

he says that it's nothing personal, just what he goes through....... then last time

he was here for only an hour he said that the short times together--- we call it

a drive-by.... "make him stupid" and that's why he doesn't come over....

I love him but this is affecting me in a bad way .... getting depressed and teary

a lot of the time....... called him once this week and once last week and NCB

I am dying inside i really am...... trying to keep busy, but it is so hard to have

your heart breaking and try to act like everything is fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 2:24pm
--


Edited 9/20/2004 1:57 pm ET ET by seansluv
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: seansluv
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 2:27pm
msdeb

are we in the same boat or what.

try having your heartbreak like this and having to see dh everyday and be sooo chipper. i don't even want to workout anymore, just no motivation. i just want an answer...is it over or not?

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