i give up
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i give up
| Tue, 11-04-2003 - 7:04pm |
i wrote an email to online om that just about says it all..but don't worry..i'm not leaving this board..i love listening to your situations.
here's what i wrote:
i don't know what to think anymore. it's been 3 weeks since we've talked. you aren't responding to my emails. i don't know how to feel anymore. it's like you've disappeared and i'm tired of feeling like crap since i haven't heard from you.
i apologize in advance if this hurts your feelings but i'm moving on. i hate being left hanging and waiting to see if you are ever going to email me...staying online all night just in case you message me.
i've really been putting my life on hold for you...and i can't do that anymore. my life is happening NOW, not 3 years from now.

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I read all our posts and am simply amazed how we allso willing to
accept whatever scraps fall from the table.... when will we learn...
Me, idiot that I AM calls his voice mail today.... and left a short one,
" I feel like an idiot to keep calling like this...... this is my schedule...
want to tell me what's going on...." I mean really, stop playing with me already...
but hear we are... here is my heart... go ahead stomp all over it... I'll come
running back for more........ I could really scream........
He knows I love him and it's almost as if... he's like lets see if this makes
her stop loving me or this... or this....rather than say He can't do it anymore or
whatever...
Hang in there hon, and don't be so hard on yourself. You are human, that's all (and female)!!
That is exactly why I will not tell him how I feel.
Be strong,
Charlotte
...We can't control his actions but we can control our response to them...
I am trying my best to learn that NC doesnt mean he doesnt love me, doesnt respect me, isnt thinking about me etc...it simply means that something came up and he just has too much going on to call me. I have thought about all the worse case sinerios over the past 2 years wondering if he just friggin died or what...LOL - I must admit over the past 2 years Ive had several 4-5 day NC period with him, usually over a weekend...and he just had a busy Friday/Monday etc...there has been one time he went into his cave for 2 weeks, didnt return my calls, wouldnt answer his phone no matter what # I called him from...and he came back to me ready to talk after 2 weeks and told me he was in love with me....never has the reason for the NC been even close to what I conjured up in my mind...
Sometimes your mind can be so cruel to you...I suggest you try to find things to keep you busy and think fondly of him...of course he COULD call you but something else is on his plate right now and we all know men have one track minds and are task focused unless of course we're talking about taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn....lol
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Hey Charlotte,
thanks for the support, I appreciate it... still NCB today and
I still feel stupid and ignored and sad about the whole thing...2 weeks ago I called his voicemail in tears over my son ( has ADHD) being put in shortened class and having had a bad day with him then arguing w/the stbex.... I was a mess... anyway he called me right back the next day....... I 'm used to not hearing from him most times on the weekend..
unless he can come over before work early on a Saturday or sneak away on a Sunday morning
which lately is rare.
I do know he loves me , we have long history but it gets harder and harder
since I am counting everyday I don't talk to him, Jeez I have to listen to an old voicemail I have saved just to help me remember that it is just space he is needing
It hurts so much though.
Finally got the call and come to find he was out of state for 7days
and that was pretty much it....... guess one was right with what we conjure up
in our minds ususally being worse than what actually is... he left a lengthy
email explaining and all then let me kno his next day free and said he 'd call
when he got back b/c he would be away this weekend. I wasn't too happy not see
him this weekend but glad to know when I can expect to talk again instead of the
wondering I'd been doing....... Thanks for listening... keep you posted.
Deb
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Learn from this, let it go and move on.......theres an amazing world, and people out there...just waiting for you.
Sending hugs.
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