I got off lucky
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I got off lucky
| Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:22pm |
I've been doing a lot of thinking since my loss of control last weekend, and I'm really trying hard to be completely honest with myself about why it happened.
So, here it goes...the real reason why I

Hi benska,
hoping that you are feeling better for letting it all out about how you feel. I think that anyone in that situation would be angry. If your so called friend does tell your xh there is not a lot you can do about it. No point stressing what will be will be.
Sometimes I think we're all just not sure what to say or how to help you benska, and sometimes it seems like you just want to vent. I read your original post - the one you deleted - and I just wasn't sure what to say. I can understand the rage at a friend who seemed to be sneaking behind your back to hook up with your ex-H - but it may have just started as she being a shoulder for him to cry on, etc. People are often drawn to the friends of their exes for comfort, feeling like maybe they can shed some light on what they think is not logical or understandable. Maybe what developed between them was not planned or anticipated - something you should understand since the same sort of thing happened when you met your AP. Maybe they shouldn't have let it happen, but who among us here can throw stones at someone else for letting an inappropriate relationship develop?
So many times you come here to share the awful thing or things you've done after drinking, and this was the worst of them. I won't repeat anything because you did delete it, so maybe you just didn't want it shared. But every time you share these things, you beat yourself and say you know your drinking is a problem for you and you need to stop - and then some time goes by and we read yet another incidence of it. It's also as if you are excusing the behavior you displayed when drinking - always saying it never would have happened if you hadn't, and it's someone else's fault (or at least giving them partial blame) for doing something that made you drink in the first place. You have to take complete responsibility here. No one forces your hand up with that vodka, or whatever else you're drinking, and you know how it makes you act.
I think the whole drinking thing is what you need to tackle before anything else in your life. Put it before your exH and your relationship with him, your AP and that relationship, even before your children and grandchild, because until you get that under control you won't be any good to any of them. We're not professionals here so we can't be your therapists, we can only commiserate and hug you (not even real hugs)...
What you said at the end here
"I'm just trying to let it all out, you know?Trying to figure out what I need to do to heal...and what I have to tell my doctor so that I can really get the help that I need."
How about telling your doctor everything you've shared here, including the post you deleted? Tell him the truth. Maybe that will make him realize the seriousness of what you need, and maybe he'll be able to help you there.
But your real help has to come from YOU helping yourself. There's no magic pill or medicine that will make you "all better" unfortunately - if there was we'd all be in line!!
I wish I could help more. That's why I didn't answer at first - I just don't have any magic words to make it all seem "OK".
Please keep us updated on the situation, and on you. I'm glad your AP is supporting you. You need REAL people with real hugging arms, not just us cyberfolks with our (((HUGS))).
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
I am pretty raw right now. And I know that yes, I do need to deal with this...and it's going to be up to me on my own, and any professionals that I may need to help me.
ali - ty for your kind words. He is being great.
heissick - you are very right
lexi - I'm sorry I put you in that position. I understand what you're saying, or at least I'm trying. Old habits die hard, you know? I'm not very comfortable asking for help, didn't do it when I was raped...and having a hard time doing it now. I need to help myself.
"lexi - I'm sorry I put you in that position."
PLEASE don't apologize - I wasn't in any sort of a tough "situation" sweetie. I'm glad you posted. I only hope we can help you in our very limited way.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've