I hate the holidays!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
I hate the holidays!
4
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 3:45pm

For the past week I've been feeling a little insecure, and soooo bitchy!!! Then it hit's me like a ton of bricks... Alone AGAIN...here I am

Woman Rain Pictures, Images and Photos
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 8:44pm

Hi Raingirl,


I haven't posted in ages, and I used to post under a different name, but, my heart understands your hurt.


This is the first year without dh...he passed away in February. MM is leaving tomorrow with his W to see his son and grandkids.


I went back to school a few months ago, and it is too intense, and I am on the verge of dropping out. MM is disappointed in me, the instructors and my classmates keep calling me, my kids are really upset with me, but I just can't go on. I am not sleeping, I don't think I am eating, but I am gaining weight. Every fiber of my body is hurting so badly. I cry at the stupidest things. I know that if I was with MM things wouldn't be ALL better, but, maybe I could cope just a tad better. He did spend a lot of this afternoon with me, and my state of mind is worrying him, but, with the holidays, and all the other stresses, I just can't fake it any more.


People keep asking me what we are doing for the holiday, and I tell them we are going to sit around and mope. We will probably go out to eat, I am not even in any kind of mood to cook. I wish my family was closer so at least we could divert our pain on them, but it's just me and the girls. Even if MM wasn't going to see the grandkids, he still couldn't come here, then his W would be alone, and then there would be too much splainin' anyway. My girls get along really well with MM, and, maybe, eventually, one day we will be able to celebrate holidays, that isn't going to be any time soon, and, now with their father dead, the holidays are even more dreadful than ever.


I am rambling, I know. I have really hit a depressive state and I can't seem to shut up.


Ok, I guess I will go, just know that there are so many of us that feel the same way, and it sucks.


mom_g4l

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Wed, 11-26-2008 - 1:44am
Yup... the holiday's definately suck.
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wed, 11-26-2008 - 11:37am

Goodness- You sound so sad. I understand completely how you feel like giving up, and how your situation has got you to this low point, and I'm no one to lecture, but

Woman Rain Pictures, Images and Photos
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 11-26-2008 - 2:13pm

You might want to try seeing your doctor. Perhaps temporary medication might be of some help to you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

A suggestion I have really worked for me at a low point. Volunteering to serve holiday dinner at the local food kitchen. To see others who have it WAY worse than I did helped. And to feel like I was giving and useful. It could help for you, too.

Just a thought.