I HATE KNOWING I'LL EVER BE HIS
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I HATE KNOWING I'LL EVER BE HIS
| Wed, 09-10-2003 - 7:29pm |
Hi all, new to this, but so happy I found it!! I'm having an affair with an old boyfriend, caught up with him on Classmates.com (I'm beginning to hate computers) We are both married with children. When we saw eachother after 20 years, it was like no time had passed at all, we were crazy for one another. To say that my marriage is horrible, is to lie. Got married to young, we have nothing in common (except the kids), I have to be the man and woman in the family, he depends on me way to much, but he's a loving father, he loves me to tears, and he's a hard worker. It's me who just can't take it anymore. The sex sucks, not that he's bad at it, I'm just not into him, I feel like I'm having sex with a sibling! Anyway, my OM is great, why we broke up, we don't even know. He's funny, smart and an independent spirit. I can lean on him, and he's there for me, i know he loves me, but I also know, this is probably all it will ever be, and for me, this is devastating. When you're young and dating, there are paths we follow that we all hope lead to something permanent, there are rules. What path do we follow now? Is there one? When I'm with him, it's so great, no matter where or what we are doing, but the day after for me is a horror, I just feel so down, and sometimes I cry. I know I don't want to be without him, but God it's so hard to be in this situation. I know some would say enjoy, you don't have to deal with all the crap (i.e., money, kids, dirty underware)but call me old fashioned, I want too! Money is no object for him, I get the best of the best from him, he treats me like a princess. This affair could be long term, I know he wants me around, and why not? But realistically I know he will probably never leave his wife, I think he loves her too. Can anyone else give some advice on how to make peace with this? Thanks
Edited 9/10/2003 8:30:23 PM ET by ipuggy

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It's not going to be easy. But I think we all knew that at the beginning and still chose to keep moving forward anyway. You just have to decide what's right for you and try to find a balance where you're happy with your H when you're with him and happy with your MM when you're with him. That's the hard part, especially if you're unhappy in your marriage. But it does seem to get easier with time...
so the only advice i can give you is to be careful with your feelings. once you fall into the needing, wanting, loving part, it's sooo hard to get out. you have to find your own balance if you can and stick to it, without the emotional ups and downs. if you can keep the A/EMA on the emotional level, you'll be okay.
good luck and take care,
gurl
so go if you want to. you'll know what to expect on the downside so at least you'll be a little prepared but wouldn't it be fun to have all that uninterrupted time and fun and games with your MM?! you're doing allright today, aren't you. and as for the "begging" thing, forget it girl. the only begging you'll get is during sex, if you do it right!
whatever you decide, we'll be here for you honey.
gurl
Edited 9/11/2003 1:48:02 PM ET by ipuggy
or you could go by yourself and do all those things and kill some quality time on you while he's in meetings thinking about you!
either way, you win!
i'm jealous.....
gurl
I am new to this board and to my relationship with a married man. We've talked a lot on line and are going to see each other in a few weeks. He lives out of state. I think you need to try and control your feelings for him, especially if you think he will never leave wife. Mine says the same thing which I am ok with. I can deal with a happy, fun relationship long distance. I just can't open my heart up 100% to him---I guess it's a protection mechinism. Anyway, I would still go to Vegas. Girl, that is a fun city and if he is going to pay for your massages and pampering, that would be ideal. Plus, while he is conducting business, you can be at the pool, getting pampered, gambling, going to a show---there is a lot to do there and you could never be bored. So I say go, but keep a rein on your feelings to some degree. I know this is hard to do, but may help with any depression after a lengthly visit with him. Just my thoughts. Take care and good luck,
Annie90210
I guess for me, I can't give my MM all of my heart, especially as long as he says he will never leave his wife. He's started saying that he loves me now, which is nice to hear, don't get me wrong. But I can't let that melt my heart and all the walls that are up around it to protect it. I also guess not living in the same city helps. I am sure it would be much more difficult for me if I lived in the same town or even state that he does. Still, we are going to make this affair work. I will and can travel anywhere to be with him and love having exciting weekends in new cities. If I had met this man earlier in my life, I know I wouldn't be able to control my emotions as I hope I can do with this now. I'll keep ya posted though, I may be changing my tune later. But for now, I feel pretty good. Take care Puggy, and hang in there,
Annie
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