I HATE KNOWING I'LL EVER BE HIS
Find a Conversation
I HATE KNOWING I'LL EVER BE HIS
| Wed, 09-10-2003 - 7:29pm |
Hi all, new to this, but so happy I found it!! I'm having an affair with an old boyfriend, caught up with him on Classmates.com (I'm beginning to hate computers) We are both married with children. When we saw eachother after 20 years, it was like no time had passed at all, we were crazy for one another. To say that my marriage is horrible, is to lie. Got married to young, we have nothing in common (except the kids), I have to be the man and woman in the family, he depends on me way to much, but he's a loving father, he loves me to tears, and he's a hard worker. It's me who just can't take it anymore. The sex sucks, not that he's bad at it, I'm just not into him, I feel like I'm having sex with a sibling! Anyway, my OM is great, why we broke up, we don't even know. He's funny, smart and an independent spirit. I can lean on him, and he's there for me, i know he loves me, but I also know, this is probably all it will ever be, and for me, this is devastating. When you're young and dating, there are paths we follow that we all hope lead to something permanent, there are rules. What path do we follow now? Is there one? When I'm with him, it's so great, no matter where or what we are doing, but the day after for me is a horror, I just feel so down, and sometimes I cry. I know I don't want to be without him, but God it's so hard to be in this situation. I know some would say enjoy, you don't have to deal with all the crap (i.e., money, kids, dirty underware)but call me old fashioned, I want too! Money is no object for him, I get the best of the best from him, he treats me like a princess. This affair could be long term, I know he wants me around, and why not? But realistically I know he will probably never leave his wife, I think he loves her too. Can anyone else give some advice on how to make peace with this? Thanks
Edited 9/10/2003 8:30:23 PM ET by ipuggy

Pages
I can't help from personal experience, since my situation is different. I don't have conflicting feelings regarding H and OM because my marriage is no longer working and I'm endeavouring to leave. So, I don't have that feeling of being torn. But I did ask OM how is it possible to maintain two loving relationships without going crazy. Because he does live with his GF, so I figured he could explain it to me. He says it's all about compartmentalizing. When you're with one, you're completely with that one. You don't think about the other one. You concentrate on what it is about *that* person that you like so much and enjoy that time with that person to the fullest. You do the same for the other. Now, when you're alone, he says, it's a little different. You find yourself thinking about one or the other depending on what you're doing, what's happened recently with each one, what plans you have coming up, etc. So, while I appreciated his candor in answering my question, I don't know that I liked the answer, much, lol!!! Until he said, "of course, it's getting harder and harder to concentrate on (g/f) when I'm away from you." lol
So, maybe that's the key...just don't think about OM when you're with H and vice versa. Appreciate your H for the good that *is* there - you said there was good - and enjoy your time with him. When you're with OM...do the same. Let me know how that works for you.
Lucky
I just wanted to jump in for a sec. I think you should go to Vegas. He will only be busy for eight hours, but you still have 16 uninterupted hours with him. I agree with the poster that said you have to compartmentalize. Just don't think about all the rest of what's going on when you are with MM. There is so much to do in Vegas that the odds of you being bored and alone are slim to none.
If the leaving MM thing has you bothered, just think about all of the wonderful memories the two of you will create on this trip. You must do it!! If not for yourself, then do it for all of us MW here who would kill for this same opportunity!! LOL!
Puggy
Pages