I Hate Myself and I Feel Like I'm Going to Throw Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
I Hate Myself and I Feel Like I'm Going to Throw Up
6
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 10:29pm

I'm about to lose it and I'm writing here to prevent just that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
It sounds like borderline-personality disorder. Sweet kind and caring, but when something sets them off, look out. It can last for a short time or days!! Medication can help but has to be taken, even when they feel great, also drinking makes it worse.
First, stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake, you readily admit you have issues. I think the best thing for you to do is break contact and then get some therapy to help learn why you put yourself in this position and why you fear marriage.
I fear how this guy will react when you call it off or even break contact with him. Does he know your fiance? You are still with your fiance, right? Would this guy tell your fiance? Will this guy try and make your life miserable? Do you fear his anger, feel threatened by him? Perhaps you can get a restraining order, if needed. I think you need to think about all the ways this could end and have a plan in place for each. You made a poor choice in choosing your lover and it may have lead to the end of your engagement. But no matter what, you need to find a way to end it with him. He has shown you a part of what he is capable of, who knows what else he is hiding behind his looks and sweet talking. I just font feel be is worth the risk. Best wishes to you.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Ouch sweetie, it seems he told you some things that you ignored, the alarm bells didn't quite ring loud enough. Does this man feel like you have become an item? Do you communicate VIA phone text? You know your fiance better then anyone, you say he is suspicious, is there an option of opening up and sharing what happened and the fears? You could try the toxic relationship board maybe someone over there would have some good insight.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2011

God ! What a mess !

Of course this guy has trouble written all over him . I figure he go can go to any extent to get you . The more scared you are from him , the more he has power over you. He wants excitement and if you dont give him that, he will vanish . Make up a story that you need him and I promise you will not see/hear from him till he gets a feeling that you are happy again. He will pop in again but hopefully by then you will have enough strength to stand up to him and say No.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Yikes! Wow, what a mess...he sounds like a total nutcase. Shut this guy out of your life for good and focus on your fiance' before you lose him. Talk to your therapist about this because you need to figure out WHY you consciouslt put yourself at risk and let a guy like this into your life.

Borderlines can be stopped by ignoring them and silently walking away. Don't engage with him, don't tick him off and just pretend like you are busy and don't have time to talk. Be nice and put distance between you asap. You are the object of his projections right now, but once you distance yourself, he will seek out someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
One more thing. Everyting you are feeling right now is how this guy feels about himself on the inside. He has projected all of that onto to you, so he can feel better about himself. Believe me, I've btdt and it is NOT fun! Close him out without ticing him off and walk away immediately. Don't be his receptical for all of the crap he feels about himself on the inside!