I have confused myself again

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
I have confused myself again
4
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 7:43pm

I was planning on leaving my BF of 10 years. I had the "talk" with him about not being happy and I needed him to change some things. Major change was drinking, hasn't happened yet, still

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 8:21am
Hold on, I want to make sure I understand this:



" AP wants me to be happy with someone other than him and doesn't think BF is the right one for me."



Your AP is pushing you to leave your BF but he thinks you should still find someone other than him? So he's not leaving his W, he just wants you to leave your BF because he doesn't think your BF is right for you.



That is very controlling behavior! I don't know whether you should leave your BF or not, but I sure would end the thing with AP. I've always been very resistant to controlling people though. Are you sure that your AP just doesn't want you free of your BF so he can have you a lot easier - whenever it's convenient for him, as a matter of fact. It might be a dream come true for him.



Maybe you should leave them both to give yourself some time to clear your head. But to me it sounds like you're not sure about leaving BF, so don't let anyone push you into that if you're not absolutely sure that being with him is worse than being alone! Only leave your BF if and when you know that you are very unhappy and would rather be alone, if that's what happens. Because it very well could be what happens.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 12:00pm

I know BF is trying, and I'm glad you guys have been happier in recent weeks.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 1:52pm

I'm not sure what to believe where AP is concerned. I do know that his actions are way louder than his words. He says that he wants me to find someone, then when I tell him that some guy hit on me , he gets jealous. Deep down I think that he wants to see if I can leave and be on my own without running back to BF, in order for him to leave his wife he wants to make sure that I am over BF. I want to leave for me to get my head on straight, and figure out who I am. I found a place and a part time job, to go along with my other job, so I am making progress to leave, just not sure when to actually do it.


I am in love with both, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 2:05pm

Oh boy, that sounds tricky trying to guess your AP's intentions, especially if you are basing some of your life decisions on what you think he is thinking.