Do you really NOT want to have an affair because your actions are speaking very differently.....If you truly do not want to have an affair then when you think about this person think about how horrible you would feel if your H or his W were to find out you two were "making out" recently. Keep your distance from this person at all cost. Do not have contact with him..do not let the opportunity arise that you could do something that deep down you will regret. Having an A is not for everyone. If you are going to be guilt ridden and unhappy in a moral dilemma then what is the point of doing it? It will not bring you happiness....
Focus on your problem with your H and take steps to improve things. Tell him that you want to have a good physical relationship and maybe go to a sex therapist.....
Noone here can stop you from doing this, you need to stop yourself.
Well, if an A is not what you want than you better start taking proactive measures to ensure that that doesn't happen. Let me give you a little advice.
Stay away. It's just that simple, yet when your excited by someone it can also be next to impossible. Does that make any sense to you? The more you feed these feelings, and the more time it occupies your mind the stronger your feelings for him are going to become.
Being in an A has by far been the most difficult relationship of my life. The normal rules of dating do not apply, and you will often find your self worrying, feeling lonely, frustrated, used, unsure, second guessing yourself, and mentally exhausted. It will put major distance between you and your H, and your mind will be constantly thinking of him.
A's are a tough bit of business, and it takes a while to toughen up to the way that you get smacked around whilst you're in it. I have shed a gozillion tears over mine, and I am not usually easily brought to tears. I can usually just suck it up, and move on, but not w/ my xAP.
Being in a situation that is not w/i the normal scope of things is bound to bring about unnatural, unusual reactions from both you and your AP. You will find yourself constantly wondering where he is, what he is doing, why did he say this or that, I mean the mental torture is almost inhumane.
Now I want you to read a lot of these post by other women, because I don't want you to think "Well that's what happened to her. I'm a different person." "It won't be like that for me." Maybe your right, maybe you won't have those problems, and for your sake I hope it's true......but still, it's unlikely. Read the posts of other that have come before you, and you will see that it's not just me. It's the meat and guts of a real situation.
I hope that you can make a decision that you can live w/ whatever it may be. Good luck to you.
Momathome....the attraction you feel for this person may have nothing to really do with this person. You obviously are lacking something else in your life.....Looking back now I wish I had focused more on fixing the problems in my marriage instead of looking outside of it for the validation that I needed (not that i was actively looking, but when the opportunity presented itself I didn't fight it).
It sounds like you are going to be okay....just make a decision and stick to it..once you do that you will find relief. Keep away from this person at all costs...
I'm just curious as to how you can say that you've "never acted on this crush in any way", and yet say that you were making out with this man. How can you say this is not acting on the crush? I don't get it.
Hey, Hey You stop talking about yourself like that! That is unacceptable! You make it sound as if you have committed some heinous murder.
Look, you, just like everybody else make mistakes. We all fall victim to our needs and wants, so that in no way makes you stupid or unworthy of a good H and a great life.
I don't think that most people realize just how much we listen to the trash that we tell ourselves. If you are always putting yourself down, and calling yourself unworthy, you really begin to think that way. At first it's subconscious, and then later we begin to self sabotage our own happiness because we have convinced ourselves that we don't deserve happiness.
Let me be the one to let you know that there are a lot more WAY worse people than you. You are a good person, or you wouldn't be feeling guilty. Shoot, you could be like me and have this sense of self entitlement that makes anything I want, game for me to go after. Now I can honestly say that I'm no longer that way, and have really learned to take other people's feeling into consideration. Well, most of the time. Guilt doesn't keep me from wanting my AP to leave his W for me again. I know that it hurts her to know that he loves me, not her, but I am helpless to stop going down the path that I have started down. It's too late. We have a child together, and I am hopelessly in love w/ him.
But anyway, back to you. I think that it is very normal for us to develop crushes on other people from time to time. Usually it's a coworker, your doctor if he's cute, or a therapist. It happens everyday, everywhere. Don't be so hard on yourself. You caught yourself before things got to out of hand, and are seeking a way to rectify the situation. You should be proud of yourself! Take care.
Do you really NOT want to have an affair because your actions are speaking very differently.....If you truly do not want to have an affair then when you think about this person think about how horrible you would feel if your H or his W were to find out you two were "making out" recently. Keep your distance from this person at all cost. Do not have contact with him..do not let the opportunity arise that you could do something that deep down you will regret. Having an A is not for everyone. If you are going to be guilt ridden and unhappy in a moral dilemma then what is the point of doing it? It will not bring you happiness....
Focus on your problem with your H and take steps to improve things. Tell him that you want to have a good physical relationship and maybe go to a sex therapist.....
Noone here can stop you from doing this, you need to stop yourself.
Well, if an A is not what you want than you better start taking proactive measures to ensure that that doesn't happen. Let me give you a little advice.
Stay away. It's just that simple, yet when your excited by someone it can also be next to impossible. Does that make any sense to you? The more you feed these feelings, and the more time it occupies your mind the stronger your feelings for him are going to become.
Being in an A has by far been the most difficult relationship of my life. The normal rules of dating do not apply, and you will often find your self worrying, feeling lonely, frustrated, used, unsure, second guessing yourself, and mentally exhausted. It will put major distance between you and your H, and your mind will be constantly thinking of him.
A's are a tough bit of business, and it takes a while to toughen up to the way that you get smacked around whilst you're in it. I have shed a gozillion tears over mine, and I am not usually easily brought to tears. I can usually just suck it up, and move on, but not w/ my xAP.
Being in a situation that is not w/i the normal scope of things is bound to bring about unnatural, unusual reactions from both you and your AP. You will find yourself constantly wondering where he is, what he is doing, why did he say this or that, I mean the mental torture is almost inhumane.
Now I want you to read a lot of these post by other women, because I don't want you to think "Well that's what happened to her. I'm a different person." "It won't be like that for me." Maybe your right, maybe you won't have those problems, and for your sake I hope it's true......but still, it's unlikely. Read the posts of other that have come before you, and you will see that it's not just me. It's the meat and guts of a real situation.
I hope that you can make a decision that you can live w/ whatever it may be. Good luck to you.
Justice
Thanks to both of you.
Justice that was great advice!
Momathome....the attraction you feel for this person may have nothing to really do with this person. You obviously are lacking something else in your life.....Looking back now I wish I had focused more on fixing the problems in my marriage instead of looking outside of it for the validation that I needed (not that i was actively looking, but when the opportunity presented itself I didn't fight it).
It sounds like you are going to be okay....just make a decision and stick to it..once you do that you will find relief. Keep away from this person at all costs...
Hi MAH,
I have to agree with Justice and confirm that she did not just have a bad experience.
Mom,
Hi.
You feel awful about what happened, and that is quite understandable.
Flyingagain (and everyone else, for that matter), thank you so much.
Hey, Hey You stop talking about yourself like that! That is unacceptable! You make it sound as if you have committed some heinous murder.
Look, you, just like everybody else make mistakes. We all fall victim to our needs and wants, so that in no way makes you stupid or unworthy of a good H and a great life.
I don't think that most people realize just how much we listen to the trash that we tell ourselves. If you are always putting yourself down, and calling yourself unworthy, you really begin to think that way. At first it's subconscious, and then later we begin to self sabotage our own happiness because we have convinced ourselves that we don't deserve happiness.
Let me be the one to let you know that there are a lot more WAY worse people than you. You are a good person, or you wouldn't be feeling guilty. Shoot, you could be like me and have this sense of self entitlement that makes anything I want, game for me to go after. Now I can honestly say that I'm no longer that way, and have really learned to take other people's feeling into consideration. Well, most of the time. Guilt doesn't keep me from wanting my AP to leave his W for me again. I know that it hurts her to know that he loves me, not her, but I am helpless to stop going down the path that I have started down. It's too late. We have a child together, and I am hopelessly in love w/ him.
But anyway, back to you. I think that it is very normal for us to develop crushes on other people from time to time. Usually it's a coworker, your doctor if he's cute, or a therapist. It happens everyday, everywhere. Don't be so hard on yourself. You caught yourself before things got to out of hand, and are seeking a way to rectify the situation. You should be proud of yourself! Take care.
Justice
I know I'm human.