I have a ? for the Others in the R...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
I have a ? for the Others in the R...
4
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:19pm
Those of you who are the OP, in the relationship, that may end up with your MM/MW...would you ever trust them? My OM and I care for each other very much, and one of my concerns, even though I know he cares about me, is that he'll never trust me in our R. He said, he'd have to work through some things, because he knows what excuses I use to be able to see him.

I think has to be normal. Has anyone else ever dealt with this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:43pm
In my situation (with my guy 18 years, married for 3, no kids) this was my first affair ever. I met the OM at the local bar one night while I was out with the girls. As he and I talked the words flowed out of me about my unhappy marriage. How I feel stifled as an individual, missing out on something yet I don't really know what that is. He immediately fell for me, wishing me way better things out of life. My husband is a very negative individual, he's not abusive just verbally unhappy. I remember the first thing I ever really told the OM was that I worry that he would think I would have the same habit of straying if I were to ever leave my husband. He assured me that he believes the only reason I am straying at this time is because it is so bad at home.

So theoretically if you are in a happy marriage such a thing would not take place. I guess then that he is suggesting that I would be wonderfully happy and satisfied in a relationship with him.

Sounds nice eh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 4:12pm
I surely hope I marry her someday. I have to admit that I am very apprehensive and insecure but not because I think that there is a possibility of infidelity, in fact, even though I worry about a lot of things her faithfullness is something I strongly believe in. But just this unexplainable illogical fear of her disappearing in a puff of smoke... But this is most certainly solely my problem and I am trying to work on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 5:18pm
This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. My A is very new right now (well, the physical part at least) and I am trying to go into this with my eyes fully open. If MM were to leave the marriage for me, would I be able to trust him? I think there would be a lot to work through there. It does help that I know his behaviors and what he is doing to spend time with me. Nevertheless, it wouldn't be my job to control him or police him. No, I think if that day were ever to come I would have to give him all of my trust in order to give our relationship a real chance....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 5:47pm
I married my MM six years ago. Have not looked back. No problem with trust. MM was in a rotten marriage to someone who treated him like crap. If he was happy he would not have been out looking for me. Her loss, he's a wonderful man and I know it. I treat him better than his previous wife so I do not worry about him running on me. Most people stray because they are not getting what they need at home. The spouse takes them for granted, let themselves go or put other things a head of their relationship. When the person walks they're devestated. Women are good for that one. Don't buy that stuff about marriages that start out as affairs not working. They do. Just treat the person better than the one they left.