I have to talk to someone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
I have to talk to someone
7
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 8:07am
I'm a married man -- dated single woman for 3 and a half months, (she lived with parents at age 25). That made things rough, and she eventually called the affair it off. But after meeting a week and a half later we were back. She got her own apt., and for a month I was living there several days a week.

I seperated from wife for a few days at a time, never longer. The fact I had 2 kids and was married upset my OW, so she always had misgivings about the affair.

I guess I did too. One day I was sure I wanted to get divorced and marry the OW, the next day I wanted to run back to wife. In fact I broke it off at least once with OW, she broke it of with me a couple of times.

About 3 weeks ago, we argued and broke up mutually. Next day, I regretted that decision, and came into her place with a spare key she didnt know I had. She was mad, we talked and I left. The next day I came back to talk and she called the police to make me leave! To make things worse, I tried to RETURN return some items of hers by opening her door with a credit card, and she called the cops again.

I realize my actions were stupid, but do you ever think she will forgive me for my childish behavior? I know I sound like a lunatic, but I was desparately trying to save our relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:32am
tony, you need to BACK OFF! you are scaring the crap outta your OW so get a clue, honey! she's already called the police twice to get you out of HER apartment. you're very lucky she didn't press breaking and entering charges against you -- opening her door with a credit card! that's pretty messed up, tony.

leave her alone now during the holiday season -- devote your restless energies to your wife and family and spend all your free time with them doing family events. you MUST let OW go. she's too young for you and now you've put yourself in a hole with her emotionally, so leave her alone.

besides, there are no explanations for what you did, desperation or not. what can you explain anyway -- you were out of your mind, crazy in love with her, what?? OW won't listen and you will really put yourself in a jackpot -- if you try to contact her again, she may even file harassment charges against you!

let her go now and get on with your life - whether you stay in your M or not. really, really, really DO NOT CONTACT OW AGAIN!

best of luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:43am
Back again, eh, Tone? What have you *learned* since last time we talked here? Have you been reading the posts at Ending the Affair? I saw you there a while ago and then you kinda disappeared. I hate to break it to you, but you don't *want* to grow from this. Where, oh where, is that rational male mind they like to brag about?!

I refuse to coddle you as long as you continue this selfish and destructive behavior.

I can't believe the first time she called the cops didn't clue you in. If you opened my door with a credit card, you'd get more than the cops called on you-- you'd get an acute and terminal case of lead poisoning!

I hope she gets a restraining order against you, and invites her good friends Sam Colt or Mr. Smith & Mr. Wesson to keep her company in case you decide to bother her again. She may forgive you someday for your stupid actions. *If* you leave her the hell alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:46am
First off, I'll repeat what I said last time you posted. Did you read all the responses to your message that time?

=======================

For God's sake man grow up and act your age! You're 42 not 22! Stop jerking both your wife and this other woman around. The only person you're interested in or care about is yourself. You bold-faced LIED to this woman when she asked you if you had a spare set of keys and then you had the aducaity to let yourself into HER apartment with the spare set of keys you told her you didn't have. I'd say you're damned lucky she didn't have you arrested. Leave her alone and let her get on with her life.

=======================

And NOW you've let yourself into her appartment yet again this time with a credit card!! What is wrong with you? You are engaging in predatory, stalking behaviour and now you're even more than lucky that you weren't charged the second time you "let yourself into her appartment". You should be extremely thankful for that!

You say: "I tried to RETURN return some items of hers by opening her door with a credit card..." PLEASE, at least be honest with yourself here! Your motivation was not really to return her items, but to see and talk to her. Until you stop lying to yourself, you're never going to recognise anything for what it is.

And what it is, is that this woman wants nothing to do with you! She has called the police twice on you - how much stronger could her message be that she does not want you in her life?? Why don't you get it?

Will she ever forgive you? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe in a few years time when it no longer means anything to her. Maybe never. Why does it matter???? Let's be honest again - the only reason you hope she will forgive you is that you think that will again open the door (sorry, no pun intended) to resume the relationship.

SHE DOES NOT WANT A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU - WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT AND ACCEPT IT? Get on with your own life!

I am usually loath to suggest that anyone seek counselling, however in your case I'm going to make an exception. I have never 'seen' anyone on these boards who needed serious counselling MORE than you do. Please, for the good of yourself and your family, get yourself into therap ASAP.




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:48am
Ditto above sentiments from gurl and chic. Been lurking here 6months...I know the story well Tony. Stay away from this girl. Maybe if you put as much effort into your marriage...you wouldn't need to be here at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:53am
I hope that young woman has learned something from all this. It makes me glad I got married so young and never dated so I never had to deal with loons like this.

Sometimes you look over at the other side of that fence, and you see the brambles and dead grass and maybe even a rabid dog, and suddenly your grass looks *so* much greener!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:09pm
Tony from one guy to another you best leave this lady alone. I too have had my heart broken several years ago and did some silly stuff to try and win my special lady back to me after it was over like leaving flowers on her car at work and cards but it didn’t matter because at all cause it was OVER!

TRUST me brother it hurts when you lose in the game of love BUT you have to move on she has even told you so otherwise you are going to find yourself in all kinds of T-R-O-U-B-L-E! And Tony breaking into her place your man lucky cause if it had been my wife she would have shot you in the head and you would be grave yard dead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:50pm
partnrncrime,

Its nice to see the men on here putting in their 2 cents.

So how did you eventually get over your OW?

Just curious...

SB

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