I have to tell this to someone or else..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
I have to tell this to someone or else..
17
Tue, 03-03-2009 - 3:50pm

I am going to burst. That's how I feel. Please don't be too harsh after reading this. I can't tell this to sister, parents, relatives or friends because of my repetition.


I come from a South East Asian background. I got an arranged marriage and came here to US because that's where my husband lives. I love my husband very much but there is a big problem, he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says that he is not getting turned on anymore. I am not that bad actually, I wouldn't say that I look like a 18 year old model because I had 2 children, but I look ok otherwise, definitely not over weight or anything. I am still in my 20's and work full time.


At first, the problem started like this, my husband didn't want to give me an oral any more. I even came to the oral sex board and complained a few years ago. But after sometime, I accepted the fact and got over with not having oral sex. But he wanted oral every once in a while. Then there is another problem, he refused to touch me in any way(manual stimulation). All he wanted to do is lay down and let me perform oral on him and climb up on top of him. Week after week, it was the same story. He acts like he is doing a "favor" to me by having sex. Otherwise, he is a great husband and Dad. He works very hard and takes care of us.


But I was missing sex so much. I just missed someone touching me, to be attracted to me. I feel rejected, he hardly every notices me these days. There is no use talking to him since he is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 10:41am

Well I doubt if anyone would blame you for doing what you did given your desperate circumstance. But you should really be careful that your husband doesn't discover what you are up to. Good luck!!!


D.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 2:33pm

I read your post last night and hesitated to reply because I am uneasy talking about my own sex life. I have been involved for nearly 30 years to a man who acts the same way as your H. As far as sex goes, as long as he is satisfied, I'm on my own. No oral, hardly any touching, no kissing, you get the picture. I started feeling unattractive. When I first got together with my AP, I thought I could handle it as just a PA, I was happy with that. I craved those feelings you describe. He was happy with that.

Somewhere along the line our feelings got involved. The more we talked, got together or whatever, we became closer. Now, we are in love and trying to figure out how to take the next step. He is amazing, he has given me strength and confidence that my H took away from me.

I guess what I am saying is be careful. I fully understand why you want to be involved with him because of what is lacking in your own marriage. But, when you read the stories on here, you will see how difficult it is to keep your feelings out of it.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 8:08pm

Thanks for not criticizing me :)


I know I am risking my feelings but I have no other choice(As of now). I don't really want to divorce my husband because he is lousy in bed. Plus, the

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 7:16pm

Hey deprived,

It sounds like you really needed to talk, but I noticed that you didn't get a lot of responses to your post. If you still need to talk you are welcome to email me. I tried to email you privately, but your profile is set to no accept private email.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:13pm

That's because I didn't sound scared, confused or miserable I guess. I am just happy! I feel guilty of course, but I think I can live with that. For me it's better to be guilty than sex deprived.


Did you have questions about my arranged marriage or something? Usually people ask me so many questions regarding that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 7:32pm
I have nothing against arranged marriage, but was wondering whether your deprivation has something to do with that fact or just simply curious about whatelse is out there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 7:59pm
I think it's a combination of curiosity and years of sex deprivation. But definitely not just curiosity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 4:42pm
I agree, it's not just one factor. Now that you are having what you call a "mind blowing sx' (I can't say to much here, lol)are you happy at home or still feel unappreciated? You also said that H is no longer attracted to you, could it be that he is having an A too? Sorry for all the questions, I am just trying to understand the situation. And of course you are free not to answer my questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2009
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 9:29pm

I know exactly how you feel!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 12:24am

I believe that having an affair is a sin. Look, u deserve to be happy. If you are unhappy with ur man, just tell him. Tell him that you are willing to work things out with him if he is too. Maybe go to counseling but it seems to me that he is having an affair and has been for a while. If you want to play it smart, hire a private detective to catch him in the act and divorce him on those grounds. He will look like the bad one and afterwards, you can have all the fun you want.

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