I just got slapped across my face!
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I just got slapped across my face!
| Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:46pm |
Recently I wrote for some advice. I just got off the phone with him (schmuck)and I feel like I just got slapped. I haven't seen him since Mar.5th due to his extreme busy schedule at work. He lives extremely close to me, has my cell number but still he won't pick up a phone to call me. For years, I have asked him to meet me half way but he refuses to. Well, he just told me in order for him to meet me half way, he wants me to hold off calling him and when that happens he will pick up a phone and call me. What does that say .... "Don't call us we call you!"

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What did you say to him after he said this?
Im not really familiar with your story, but whoever treats you that way is a total jerk! And yes, very objectively said, yes it's the "Don't call us, we'll call you theory"! I think you should really back off now for a while with your pride and dignity.If he really wants you, and you are a little less unavailable (and believe me, this is a proven theory), he will be the one to contact you and will be begging to see you soon.If he doesnt call up, then you are better off alone!
Sorry, my friend! but this sounds like a lose/lose for you. Cut the dead weight!
(((hugs)))
KC
I really truly want to burn his ass! 14 years I have been with this jerk! Control issues? Big time. How do I deal with a control freak! Now, he is traveling and get this never tells me where. I find out thru his voice mail when he comes back! I am tired of this, I want, honestly....to hurt him! Any advice?
Anyway, back to this situation. I do not know how long you wait between phone calls, so I may be way out in left field here.
One day, I phoned my xMM at work. It was 10:30am, I had been at work since 8am. During that time, I sent him my regulatory "Good morning babe - would you like to meet for coffee today?" In which he replied "Good morning Red, I would love to, I'll call you probably by 10 to setup a time".
So, as 10 approached and passed, without the phone call, my insecurity immediately set in. This is definitely a fault that I possess, and I wish with all of my heart, that I had enough confidence in myself to say, "Well, he's busy, I'm busy, and he'll call when he gets a chance".
However, that is not me. So by the time 10:31 rolled around, I couldn't take the uncertainty any longer. He answered the phone, "Hi, it's me". "Hey, I was just about to call you, I got tied up with a customer". "Oh shoot, I should have waited". "Don't worry Red, it's a woman thing."
Now maybe this may seem like a chavonistic thing to say, but I can tell you for certain, that is not how he intended it to be, and that is not how I interrpreted it. He was merely letting me know that he understood my need to call when I hadn't heard from him by the specified time.
If only I had enough trust in his character to realize that if he said he was going to call, then he would. I did learn to get better at this. And to this day, although we are no longer in an A, if I email, I will always get a response (within a very reasonable amount of time) and even if I've said "There is no need to respond".
As I said, I do not really know the details of your R, but I just wanted to offer you another perspective.
I hope to hear your smile soon!
Take care
Red
Here is my story......We met at work in the same company. We commuted together on the same train in the morning or night. I would see him everyday; be intimate once a week. After 10 months of our relationship, he broke up with me. I was devastated; it broke my heart. I tried to get back with him but he refused. So I tried to focus my energies in my marriage. I became pregnant with my first. I ran into him at the train station and told him of the news; he was excited to know that I was going to be a Mommy. He started calling me and taking the train with me again; wanting to know how and when I got pregnant. As I grew, he started to get weird by telling me that physically I can deal with deal but mentality I can't ... you are having another man's baby. Duh? I went on maternity leave and kept in-touch with him; me doing the calls and then after two months; he started to see me intimately again. I went back to work, a co-worker who couldn't stand me found out about us and sent a letter home to my husband attention. I intercepted the letter. I shown him the letter and he freaked out...for two days I acted cool about this letter to find out who did it. I found out and got legal and personnel involved and they reprimand this woman and threaten her with Mail fraud; 10,000 fine or jail time for a year. She admitted this and told that she wouldn't do it again. Scared the crap out of her! Now,I needed to get out from this department because of this woman. So there was a job opening in his department that I applied for not once but twice and didn't get the job. He didn't help me at all. Then my department was sold to an outside company and I begged him to help me being that he was in personnel; he could help me get a position elsewhere in the company but no suck luck. He wanted no part of it. I guess he thought people would talk. So my department was sold and couldn't return to the company for three years due to the sale. Anyway, I left the new company because I couldn't stand my boss. I stayed home for 8 months then found a job nearby and worked there for about a year and half. During that time, we met at a private place but I didn't see him on a weekly basis anymore. I got pregnant again with my second. Didn't tell him because of his reaction to my first; so I waited. Then when I was five months pregnant and I hide it well, he saw that I was; and was hurt that I didn't tell him right away. I told him if I told you then I will never see you. After we met and was intimate then went home, I was right. I didn't get to see him until my second was 5 months old. Since the birth of my second, I stayed home till this day, I would call and call leave message after message then he would call me. As for seeing him, he claims that his job got more demanding and time was going to be tough. I would see him once every month, or two or three. During those long months, I wouldn't hear from him at all unless I would place many calls in. Last August, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given three months to live. It was horrible, I focused my attention on my father and his legal matters. My calls to my MM diminished greatly but did he noticed....not at all. Last December, my father died a week before Christmas. On that day he died, which my siblings watch, he was the first one I called to
and left a message that my father died. I didn't received any calls back. This hurt alot. When I finally talked to him it was well after New Year's. He told me that he called me the day after he received my message but no one answer and that was it. I checked my caller-ID and there was nothing. You would have thought that if no one answers to keep trying right? Not in his book. He told me that he was on vacation. When I saw him was late January. This past March, I decided to have a tummy tuck and was extremely excited and nervous. I hadn't seen him since February 15th! So I left him a message that I was going into surgery didn't tell him what kind of surgery, I thought I would tell him when I saw him. No return call. March 5th; he calls and wants to swing by, sure. I mention again my surgery and he was like he heard it for the first time. I told him I left him a message and he said he couldn't remember the message...He deleted it without listening to it. Anyway, the 17th was the day, I called him a day before and express my feelings to him in case of any complications during surgery. One night stay in the hospital. When I came home, I left him a message to call. Nothing. After a week had gone by, I finally got him directly and he forgot that I had the surgery. At the end of April was my birthday, he knows what I wanted to do and that was to see him and all I got was an early morning call wishing me Happy Birthday. It is now the middle of May, and I haven't seen but spoken to him on the phone. I am so frustrated, lonely and depressed over this "relationship", I am so hungry for his touch that it is so sad. I told him of this, and he said that there was nothing he can do because of his heavy work load and extreme traveling. He lives very close to me that I can meet him, he has my cell phone number but never uses it, I have a car but he doesn't because of his kids. To me it's excuse after excuse. Now, he slams me with this game of not calling him in order for him to call me.I have gave him the go ahead to break up with me because he shows no interest in me but he hasn't taken it. One part of me feels that there is someone else which he has clearly stated that he is not. He has always called the shots to this relationship as if my views, opinions, feelings didn't not matter. It's all about him. I feel so defeated here that all I want to do is cry.
I do feel for you, I really do!
You have given him the go ahead to break up with you, but he hasn't taken it. Well, stand strong, I know it's hard, and you do the breaking up. Call him one last time, tell him it is over (even if you get voice mail) - don't break down - just do it!
This situation has been going on for a very long time. He is obviously not a supportive "partner", basically abandoning you during two of the most stressful events in your life (your father and your surgery).
I can certainly understand why a person (myself included) would continue in an A situation, especially when that relationship brings joy, friendship, passion and love. However, I don't understand why you would want to continue, when it is obvious that this man is causing you misery and hurt.
My thoughts are with you, and we will continue to support you, whatever you decide to do.
Take care
Red
I think we are sharing the same OM! My OM is exactly like this. He told me once, "my hands would be all over you if you didn't want it so badly." He said he wouldn't puruse me, he never called or e-mailed..only responded to mine. So how was anything supposed to happen? He didn't want to pursue me, but I wasn't supposed to pursue him..wtf? He also says he travels so much and is always so busy at work. He can't even talk for one minute. Yeah right! So anyway, after one year I had enough. I called him on a Wednesday and told him my H would be out of town that weekend. He said, call me on Friday. I said, okay, but if I get your voice mail and you don't call me back all weekend, then that is it, you will never hear from me again. So I called his work on Friday, left voicemail. He didn't call back. About 11 p.m. I called his cell, got his voicemail, but didn't leave a message. Sunday morning it rained and I layed in bed and cried for about an hour. In that hour I totally let him go. So I did not contact him in any way. I stuck to my word. About 2 weeks later I got an e-mail from him. Simply stated "what is up". It was the first contact he initiated in over one year. I was just as brief with my responses and acted like I could care less. His last e-mail was "you are the biggest baby". I didn't reply.
Two weeks later I get another e-mail from him "what is up I haven't heard from you in a while". This time I was nicer. We got together. I didn't contact him after. One week goes by, another e-mail from him, "what is up". We get together again. This time I start contacting him. He has not initiated since. So now I am back to no contact again. He is out of town again, so I'm curious to see what happens when he is back. It is all a game. The thing is, I'm okay with it now. I'm playing it too. It's kind of fun. I have decided it's maybe just the kind of A I need. All the emotional stuff was too hard on me. HOWEVER, everyone is different. YOU have to decide what you need. Time and time again, people told me here to not contact him. It took me a while to really listen and take the advice. I know now first hand that it does work. Maybe do what I did, see what happens. Heck, what do you have to lose? I'm thinking of you, C
Question: Why can't he say to me especially when I have confronted to break up with me?
Is he afraid that I may do something?
Doesn't want to say it first so that he doesn't feel guilty?
Does he realize he has a great piece of a**?
What can it be?
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