I just want someone to tell me it's ok

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
I just want someone to tell me it's ok
7
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 11:41am
Even though I know it's not ok. :-(

I am a great mom! I work my but off from 7am till 12pm. I babysit before and after school my children and other children. I get my dd fed and dressed for school after having done crafts, painting and errands. 12-1pm I clean my house spotless. My ds then goes for a nap.

At 3pm I pick up the kids from school. We come home, eat snacks, often bake cookies, play, and do more crafts. I make supper for my dh who comes home on time everyday. He bathes the kids while I clean up after supper and then the kids goto bed around 8pm. The dh and I snuggle on the couch and watch tv and every second night or so have sex.

What is the problem you may ask? I want my own life!!! Not my kids, not my dhs not my family's, I want my own life!

I want my SG to come around from 1-3pm, I want to have fun, I want to relax, enjoy....I am a great mom and wife the other 22 hours of the day...

I just want someone to tell me its ok!

Happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 1:08pm
Who am I to tell you it's okay or it's not okay - you really have to be the judge on that one, but I will tell you that I know what you mean about having a life of your own. I didn't have any kids (thankfully under the circumstances), but I worked outside the home and handled everything else. We did have dogs, so it was expected that I would work all day, run any errands necessary like groceries or that, and get home to let them out and feed them in a timely manner. Then it was unloading whatever I picked up, making dinner, laundry, etc., until it was time to go to bed and start all over again. You start to ask yourself, who am I doing this for? So, I'm not going to call you a bad person for enjoying a little extra curricular. You just have to figure out what you want to do in the long run.... how long can you keep all of this going without someone finding out.... good luck! Keep the board up on what's happening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 1:15pm

I know EXACTLY how you feel hppydz.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 1:31pm
Hisgoodgirl-

I am a mom too and I feel for you. It is hard to always lead such a demanding life, always spread so thin. I don't think your wrong at all for not wanting to get lost in all that. Just becareful ! You sound like a great mom !

Wishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 4:57pm

Hi Happy,


We all know the bottom line... that it really isn't ok... but really that's what society has led us to believe.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 7:45pm
It's ok. I know exactly how you feel. Being a wife and mother can be demanding. You need something for yourself.
Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 8:21pm
I say go for it too. If you can live with all the feelings of guilt that will be there regardless of any other feelings you might have. Just PLEASE be careful of emotions getting involved. Wether you mean for them to or not there is no way of stopping them. Make sure you lay it on the line up front exactly what you expect & want from each other. Before you take the step & cross the line otherwise you'll only end up getting hurt if you realise too late that you're not looking for the same thing.

There's nothing wrong with wanting something of your own. Away from the pressure of family life. Just make sure that you both want the same as the other one & that he's offering what you think he's offering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:04pm
Oh honey! Of course it's alright to want your own life, or at least a little time you can call your own! In fact, it makes you a better person; mother, wife, friend if you cultivate your own interests, then give yourself permission to enjoy them. If you don't, you will come to resent your family, and won't be the wonderful mother/wife you are deep down.

My late mother had Wednesday as her day. After we went to school, my mother would spend the day going to the library, shopping (for herself), visit an art gallery, have lunch with a girlfriend. I always remembered Wednesdays coming home from school, my mother was in the kitchen singing, happy and energized.

We all need a little "me" time. And those who love us, want us to be happy and do lovely things for ourselves.

Don't lose yourself by trying to be everything to everyone...then leaving nothing for yourself. Sending hugs.........