I knew it wasn't going to be easy....but

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
I knew it wasn't going to be easy....but
2
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 11:31am

I didn't think there would be so many up and downs in one day. My AP is dealing with guilt, he says he isn't but I know he is because he keeps changing his mind all the time as to what he wants. Yesterday was the first day we had any sort of physical contact. We met up and shared a kiss, some quick touching and that was it. He says he knows what he wants and it's up to me but i don't think that's the case.

We both recently tried making changes to our marriage but neither were strong enough to keep things ended. I've dealt with mine and moved on, but his has been within the last week.

With such a big step made yesterday why am I feeling so let down today? We have been very open about feelings right from the start so that is a good thing. He knows I want to move forward to life ever after but he can't make that committment right now. He talks about the future too but is unsure of it. I think everytime he starts feeling too serious he backs off and thinks too much. This only ever last for a day or two but it's so confusing. I guess I'm going to have to tell him what it's doing to me. Yesterday we talked about how things could work and i told him I'd think about it. I'm ready to tell him what I think but from his reponse I don't think he's ready to hear it. I guess I will find out tonight. RIght now I feel ready to take a break so he can give his head some time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 8:22am

The "push and pull" you are describing is so typical of many affairs, and from reading this board, it almost seems like the men do most of the pulling away and the women do most of the pushing forward! Maybe it's only because women are more prone to use message boards, I don't know...

But when I've seen your situation - where the guy is pulling away even from a little physical contact - I do know that the pattern becomes much worse and more pronounced when full physical contact - sex - is initiated. Are you ready for him to go NC for days every time you have sex? (That's the pattern I see when a guy tends to pull away). Imagine the mental anguish that would cause you! Even if you're SURE he won't do it this time, you're SURE because he's saying all the right things and seems to be OK with everything - it just seems like actual physical contact sends him into a tailspin.

Make sure you're ready for the really rough roller coaster this A will be. It isn't easy!

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 12:18pm

I just need to comment on this one!