I knew this would happen (musing)...

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Registered: 03-26-2003
I knew this would happen (musing)...
14
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 2:42pm
The more I see MM, the more I miss him. Not quite in a funk...feeling tired though and I suppose that doesn't help!

I was replying to Forty's post (Good Morning All), and the word expectations came up in my response - I thought to myself, what are my expectations really? So, I looked up the word (expectation) in my little desk dictionary: "act or state of expecting; prospect of future good; what is expected; promise". HUH? I don't really expect anything - I trust he will continue to be communicative, and treat me and our relationship with respect. Prospect of future good I suppose would be to enjoy the EMA in the future as I do now. Promise?! - no promises from MM (nor me), and I don't "expect" any.

And here's me, always suggesting to have expectations for perspective. I guess *I* have NO expectations, and so what is my perspective?

I feel like I'm blabbering to myself with this new board format, lol. (Though I was glad to read, French, that you have experience in that, lol!).

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Avatar for babeslvr
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 2:46pm
they say absences makes the heart grow fonder. with any luck he is feeling the same way. hope you hear from him soon.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 2:58pm
Interesting about expectations. In the beginning of my friendship with MM, he said he had no expectations. I agreed after hitting some bumps with him, that it was better that way. But as you move forward, it doesn't get any easier. To love someone without expectations is to love them unconditionally. We have not become physical, but both of us have the desire to. If you are emotionally involved you are already in an affair they are telling me on "Ending an Affair" board. Just looking there to get another perspective and it seems to be a real eye opener. The friendship thing is hard to maintain when your feelings run deeper. We want each other in our lives, but don't want to hurt each other or anyone else. It is a long story, but we are determined for the friendship to endure. I wonder if this is realistic or if we are kidding ourselves.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 4:31pm
I do that, too. The more I see him, the more I miss him, the more I want to see him, the more I WANT him, and on and on and on. I’ve read a LOT of people here say that in order to defend ourselves from getting hurt, that we need to communicate with each other (MM and I) what we both expect. We get let down when we expect more than we get (or expect more than we AGREED to expect – make sense?)

I’m with you Meow – I don’t guess I really EXPECT anything other than respect and open communication. We’ve made no promises to each other, have never even discussed leaving our marriages, and haven’t even discussed that we would continue past today – the here and now. For all I know, when I see MM again (it’s been a loooong) time, he may not want to pick up where we left off. He didn’t leave with the promise that we would and I don’t EXPECT it to continue. I ~think~ our A will continue, but who knows? And even if it ends up that our A is over, I still expect him to treat me with respect and have the decency to be open and honest about how he feels and why. I will do the same to him if I decide to end things.

As far as perspective goes…..absence and not being able to communicate has given me perspective, I think. Due to no fault of our own, we’ve had very long periods of no physical contact, no communication, etc. It makes me feel like I have a better handle on things; that I’ve given our relationship proper consideration – looking from a distance instead of the intensity of looking at in from the inside.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 5:45pm
What do you mean by my experience in blabbering?? Now, I am VERY angry.. NOT... LOL. I am glad to hear about your thoughts on your EMA. Two thumps up to you!! You know, that is by far the happiest muse I have "heard" from you....
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 5:53pm
You are right, to love unconditionally is to love with out expectations. Why would you want to run each other lives when you are friends/lover or even spouses?? I don't understand the logic here. I guess I am trying to say is true friends or lovers don't run each other lives, they accept their partners as they are, with their limitations. You love them as they are, that is what is unconditional about it all. jhmo....
Avatar for incognito1964
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:22pm
omg ... i dont think >>> no, let me rephrase that ... i know for a fact if there were no expectations, no chance of a future, no promises that i would NOT stay in this ema. im only here now because i love him, and i definately see a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. i just dont know how to get to that "end". i know myself better than anyone knows me, and i admit that i need more from this ema. waiting patiently for the rainbow to come to me. guess that was my turn to ramble on. lmao
Avatar for incognito1964
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:24pm
LMAO ... i guess babbling and rambling is part of what makes up our colourful personalities on this board.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:37pm
You wrapped yourself into a semantic tangle that can be easily cleared up.

I don't care what any of you say: you ALL have expectations, therefore you all have perspective.

It *could* be that your expectation is that MM will not leave his W. Or that he will.

It *could* be that your expectation is to see MM once a week. Or a month. Or a day.

It *could* be that your expectation is that you and MM are FWB and nothing more. Ever.

It *could* be that your expectation is that one day you will wear white &MM will say I DO.

It *could* be that your expectation is that you think I'm full of .... you know what!

LOL.

But the truth is that no matter what you think, you DO have expectations. You expect to be treated with respect, with kindness, and in some cases with love. And in others with just really, really outstanding sex. Whatever it is, you have parameters in your mind that define you, your OM/MM and your EMA and THAT is where your perspective comes from.

Now you're really regretting bringing up THAT muse, I bet. I miss you Meow! I haven't been around as much lately and neither have you!

-lily

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:16pm
I feel at the beginning of an A there is no expectations but to live in the moment. But once (and IF) the feelings & emotions have evolved there seems to be more pressure in the future & if there is one. You want to be with that person on a full time basis therefore I agree with you that because I love him so much I am willing to wait & hope that there is a pot of gold at the end of this great loving rainbow.

great expectations that keep you hanging in there......
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:49pm
Meow what a great muse! I've been trying to sort out different things about this EMA and my feelings about it and MM. I'm glad that you posted this. As I read through the responses I realized that like you I expect MM to respect me and continue to communicate. As far as the future goes I take it one day at a time I don't want the white dress (been there done that) I want to enjoy what we've got in the here and now I know there is no future with him and I'm totally ok with that. I guess my perspective is that as long as there is trust and respect in this EMA we will share some good times and hopefully part as friends. Thank you again. Blue

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