I left him.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
I left him.....
6
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 6:08pm
Well, I did it. I left my H. I got an apartment and I move in tonight. I am going to continue to see my MM but I am going to continue to keep that secret, of course, because of his W. I am so scared. My H and I have been married since I turned 18 and I went straight from mom's house to living with H. I have never lived on my own before and MM obviously can't get away to stay the night with me very often! I hope I am not totally screwing up my life!!!!!!!!!!! Is it possible to have a mid life crisis at 24?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 6:39pm
Hiya Karenca,

I'm new here as of a few hours ago, so forgive me if I don't get anything right.

I just want to say that it's totally possible to have a mid-life crisis at 24!! - I am the same age and 4 years into an affair with a MM whose 34 years older than me and on many a day I wonder if I am screwing my whole life up despite knowing I'll never walk away from my MM.

I'm not married so I can't even begin to imagine how much strength it took to end your marriage - but I admire you for having the courage to do what you thought you must.

Your not screwing up your life, you must've felt that deep down the decision you've made is the right one.

I know what its like living on your own (I do) - you'll be okay, promise.

It takes strength to do what you've done so you're obviously a strong person!

Good luck!!

(I hope I don't seem like a total idiot).

Love

Scarlet. x

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 10:24am

hi karenca and calm down honey!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 11:35am


I made it through my first night alone....ever. I think I actually enjoyed the peace and quiet. I will have my kids for the next 5 nights so I won't be alone again until Sunday. I loved the advice "do what I want" because as a matter of fact I went out last night and bought purple bathroom stuff!

My kids seem to be totally oblivious to this whole thing as if it is not bothering them at all. The baby is obviously too young to understand but the older two are excited to spend the night at the new place. Is that normal? Are they really okay or are they blocking this out the way kids can?!

MM is probably going to come over tonight if he can get away from W. They have a horrible marriage and he has made comments about maybe becoming my roommate. I am sure it is all talk because although this was my first A I have witnessed many and they never really leave....not that I've ever seen anyway. But, for all I care he can stay with her. As horrible as it is he is still just a piece of a$$ to me. I swear sometimes I feel like a man (no offense to any men on this board). I am completely emotionless about the pain my H is experiencing from my leaving and I am sleeping with a MM that I don't really have enormous feelings for. I like him, of course, but by no means am I in love with him or expecting him to leave his W.....and if he did I don't think I'd want him as a roommate. I'm single for the first time in my adult life and I am going to DATE!!!!

Okay, I didn't mean to write that much but I have so much on my mind right now I have to get it all out somehow...thanks for listening everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 1:03pm

Congrats to you for making it through that first night!!


The kids will be fine initially, then they'll start wanting you home again. Right now, things have changed and are interesting, but they can't grasp the enormity of the change that happened. They'll have a lot of adjusting to do over the years (and so will you). A rule of thumb is that you should expect the worst to be over by two years from now, although that doesn't mean all the bad stuff will be over.


Try to remember that you've left for a reason. The hard times will be hard and they will suck beyond beyond belief. But at the end of the day, you'll thank yourself for being strong, and for being a support for your kids as they go through this with you.


When I divorced, there were many times when I thought I would just crumble and die....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 3:34pm

hey karen -- i agree with naughty that there will some dark days,

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:47pm
Maybe just a little 'beginning of life crisis'.... but no less painful anyway. Leaving takes a lot of courage, so I know you can weather the being alone. And isn't starting over just the most exciting thing? Don't hurry into anything... I'm 47 and I've never lived by myself for one minute of one day. Enjoy getting to know yourself. Let us know how you do! I'm actually kind of envious, but I'm sorry for whatever made you need to leave. Hang in there.