I live with the other man and my H

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
I live with the other man and my H
7
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:18pm

I have a very delicate situation right now and really need advice and strength.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:39pm

Exchange student?????
As in HIGH SCHOOL exchange student????

Are you kidding??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 5:54pm
I was thinking the same thing. This guy is in high school? Are you serious? And you have teenage kids, so you're probably at least in your late 30's. You do realize that there are women sitting in jails right now for doing the same thing you were doing, right? Debra LaFavre comes to mind. She was actually much younger than you, in her early 20's, and a teacher and messing around with a high schooler. She got in very serious trouble. Granted, she was a teacher, but still. The point is, this guy is barely a man at this point. I don't know what's going on with you that you've gone down this path with him, but my advice to you is to stay as far away from this kid (and I mean that literally) as you can until he leaves for his home. In the meantime, I would highly suggest getting yourself some professional help. There is something amiss within you to be involved in something like this. It's just plain wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:01pm

So sorry - he is a junior in college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:14pm
Well that's good. At least he's legal! Still young, though. I would just keep staying away from him. Just not a good idea. You know this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 10:34pm
Idon't know why you are FORCED to have him in your house until June. There's nothing written in stone anywhere that says you have to have him in your house. Find a way to get him out of your house sooner.......obviously you can't deal with your marriage with a clear head if you have some kid living in your house that you slept with and now you can't even smell him without getting crazed. Tell him you want him to leave, and then he can make up an excuse as to why he's leaving. there are other families that can take him in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 11:21pm
Yeah, I do think it's imperative that you get this guy out of the house. There are typically allowances made for situations where the exchange student doesn't get along with the hosts (this is technically the opposite, but you know what I mean). I would think the situation would be very uncomfortable for him also... he's not even living in his own house or, presumably, his own country.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 4:48am

I don't blame him for backing out. He knows that he is the one that will get the boot (and possibly his butt kicked) in the event that you two are discovered. For real you are playing w/ fire. Like I told someone else in another thread, of all the calls that I respond to it's those damn domestic violence calls that are the worst. You can never predict how someone will react to such news. Your H could kirk out, and kill both of you. Not to mention what your teenage kids will think of you if they find out what their mom has been up to. They are old enough to understand, and I think that if you're found out it would create some serious hostility, and resentment in them. Shoot, teenagers are hostile, and resentful for no apparent reason. Imagine what this would do to them.

Having said all that I can fully appreciate the fact that he has made you feel things that you haven't felt in a long time, and that you are craving more, but you have to put yourself in check. I know the EXTREME excitement that comes w/ an AP's touch. I know what it feels like to think about nothing but him, and crave him w/ all your being, but even under the best circumstances you know he's leaving soon. It will be MUCH more painful for you to share the next 3 months together, and then he leaves. Trust me, emotions form much more quickly in an A then in normal relationships, or so it seems to me by the posts on this board.

I truly empathize w/ what your going through, but you have made a mistake, don't compound that mistake w/ another mistake. I hope that you have the strength to do the right thing. The right thing for you, AND your family. Best wishes.

Justice