I need advice!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
I need advice!!!!!!
4
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:08am
ok here's the deal, the om i am seeing just got his internet back on and when i asked him why he did , he said because he was missing me and he figured he should do something that that, well the reason we dont get to see each other is b/c he is married too, and we met at my recent job that i no longer work at. we are still together even though we live an hour away from each other but between his job and our other lives it's hard to get together and spend time with each other so now u can understand why im glad he got his internet back on so we can at least communciate more, so when he got it he sent me several messages saying he misses me and is thinking alot about me, but since then it has been almost 4 days and i havent heard anything from him, i need advice, i mean is he just trying to be careful so he doesnt get caught, oh by the way i did get caught with a letter i wrote him and left the freakin thing in my purse and my husband found it but that's other story, i just would like to know why guys wait for days to call you or email you, if anyone has any advice or suggestions, im open for other people's opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 8:57am
Im finding that men are EXTREMELY task focuses...meaning, if life is busy he is focused on taking care of whatever it is that's keeping him tied up and when things slow down then he'll have time to think about you and then he'll call or email...IMHO men are not able to multi-task....

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 10:28am
hi georgia peach. ahh, honey, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? men are tricky. most of them hate the phone and/or email, so they aren't in contact as much as we like. then it could be that he's just busy and now focused on missing you yet.

so my advice would be to email him one time and say something innocent like "what's up?" after that you'll have to wait it out and see if he contacts you. when he does, and he will, i'm sure, tell him that you need a little more frequent contact please. if he's okay with your request, he'll stay in touch via email more often. if not, then you'll have your answer.

that's just my opinion, not experience in my A. my MM calls me at least 2x a day and we see each other at least once a week so i don't have your worries.

but i do know that men in general do not think like us women and pick up the phone or mouse as soon as they think of us.

hang in there,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 11:47am
I completely understand how you feel. My OM does that same thing. I know you want to get inside his head and his feelings about you. But you can sit and wonder. I always wonder if he is thinking about me, do I ever just pop into his mind, like he pops into mine. The phone call game, is that just a game. I personally would send him an email or maybe a text message and then don't do it anymore. Let him know you are thinking about him but this way it puts the ball back into his court. If you do this he will probably contact you within two days. Don't seem to anxious or he might feel like you are pressuring him and he will back off even farther. This is just coming from my own personal experience with my OM. I know your situation is a little different because you are both married. However, I am in a committed relationship, having an affair with a co-worker who is unattached.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:34pm
Hey girl, I used to wonder about that too, even now I still don't understand. I know my OM really cares about me. Since I work in the evenings, I stay home with my son during the day. OM works during the day. One time, I asked him how much he thought of me for that day. He actually remembered every time he did. When he asked me, my answer was "every two seconds." Sometimes I feel like I think of him almost ALL day. I get distracted to a minute then OM comes to my head again. But he told me that he misses me a lot, it's just work that's pre-occupying his little brain. hehehe. But I agree that men CAN NOT multi-task. I know my H when he's playing with his PS2, he's deaf and as if no one's around him. I don't know if all men are that way but maybe most of them are. But everytime my OM gets a chance, he'd call me just to hear my voice. And EMAILS, he hates emails. Since we live far from each other and never get to see each other at all, I told him that his emails are what I have to hold on to. He understands so no matter how much he hates it, he does it anyway to make me happy. Isn't he a sweetie?