I NEED everyone's in put

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
I NEED everyone's in put
11
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:08pm
To all of you,

Yesterday MM and I began emailing each other after lunch. It was just general conversations about work, his road trips, etc. Right before school is out I get this email from him saying "hey we need to talk we have a lot to talk about. are you too busy for a phone call?"..................you can imagine the pit in my stomache.....we in week 9 of no meetings other than work oriented. One brief visit to the closet about 4 weeks ago. We had agreed to lay low because MM's W had maybe heard a few rumors where our names were mentioned together. Since that time, no other rumors have surfaced and MM feels that home situation is OK. This was a mutual agreement to just wait it out and see what happens......but after this email I feel devastated.....

I reply to the email by saying, "unless you feel it necessary for us to talk, I have pretty much figured out the situation.....I understand what position you are in and we've discussed this enough that you don't need to give me an explination". I said this because it is pretty obvious. We've had opportunities to be together and he has said no because he had "bad vibes". I haven't pressed the issue with him. I just have told him our relationship was supposed to be based on total honesty with each other. That if we either one needed/wanted out..the other was supposed to accept that and understand. We realize that our being together on any kind of permanent basis isn't a possibility.

So.........I get no reply to my email. After school is out he comes to my room, I am without my daughters today, and shuts and locks my door and comes over and hugs and kisses me and mentions the closet (ha ha red) and then he says "nope, let's save it til the weekend....we will get to see each other and we have a lot to talk about this week".

So my question is this..................WHAT IS IT THAT YOU THINK HE HAS TO SAY TO ME??? I am floored, I was expecting the worst and now I have no idea what he means but "a lot to talk about".

I respect everyone's opinion and would love to know what all of you think is coming.......

Thanks in advance Kitty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:23pm
hey kitty -- obviously, it's not bad or MM wouldn't have hugged and kissed you!! and why do you have to wait until the weekend to "talk"? tell MM you need to get this out in the open right now because the "what ifs" are distracting to you. just ask him kitty!!

i have a feeling you may have jumped the gun on being so negative about the situation. MM wants to restart the A because the rumors have stopped and he's probably horny and ready to play. now you have to think about what you want -- to stay in NC or restart the A and all its ups and downs. your MM may say he wants to be with you again, but it's up to you to say "yes" or "no". your choice girl.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:37pm
Yes, it sounds like you have quite the amorous man on your hands. I don't think he wants to talk about ending it, that's the feeling I'm getting. I agree though...why does he want to wait to talk this weekend? Tell him your curious and want to talk now! Good luck! Let us know how it goes! (((HUGS)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:55pm
Ok, I sent the email asking what we had to talk about and is he going to leave me guessing til the weekend........i'll report back. Kitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:08pm
Kitty,

That darned closet - just thinking about gets me horny ...LOL

Anyway, back to serious matters, he definitely doesn't sound like he wants to end it. I do agree with the others, that the ball is now in your court. It's your decision. He has pretty much made you wait on the sidelines until the dust settled. I realize it was a mutual agreement, but why doesn't he just come out with whatever he wants to discuss. Even if it's in an email - it's better than waiting.

That is the one thing I don't get about some men.

Oh well, I guess we'll never figure them out (and vice versa). Kitty, don't worry, everything will be fine.

((((HUGS)))))

Hey, and weren't you supposed to say "Coat Check" - there's been enough mention of the closet, I think I would have forced the issue - especially with a locked door.

Bye for now

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:53pm
Red,

I did basically say "coat check" I was definately in the mood for that. When I said o yes, he said "let's wait, we get to see each other this weekend" followed by "we'll talk about it throughout the week"....but as of today no talk. I sent the email asking if he is going to leave me up in the air about this talking thing. He says that he hates the email (this week has been his first attempts at it) he said he liked it better when we instant messaged ....so as for now I still have no clue about what he is trying to say. I am soooo curious. The W has been home a lot in the past couple of months. We usually meet at their house late at night, so that has not been an option except for a couple of times. Those times were when he said he had "bad vibes". On Valentine's day, he had called me and normally I would have been out there in a matter of minutes...he told me that his father-in-law showed up and that really freaked him out. He says that I would definately have been there when he came. I had gone to eat with my son, so that was a good missed opportunity. Usually when W is home is when things start to get bad at home for him. They fight all the time. When she is gone, he takes care of the kids and can do whatever he wants.....I understand that completely. Anyway, I will await the email or phone call that puts me in the "know". I felt yesterday that he had good things to say, now that fear creeps in and I question whether it will be good or not..............


Thanks for the replies and Hugs, they are much needed and appreciated. I know this board is for A support.....but yesterday I went with my parents to the dr. for the results of my dad's cat scan, basically they say the cancer is inoperable and that he is too weak to go through any treatment (that he says would not work anyway). So my stress level is at the EDGE!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 4:42pm
Hey Kitty... support is support is support.... I'm so sorry about your dad. My H got basically the same news about his dad today. I'm so sorry, and I will keep you and your folks in my prayers. I still believe in miracles, and I still believe that good things can come out of bad situations. Scant comfort I know, but I've been where you are now and will offer whatever I can. Feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk. Saturdaysister@yahoo.com. Love, SS
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:03pm
Kitty,

I'm so sorry about your Dad. I don't know what I would do. All I can say is, make sure he knows you love him (as I'm sure he does).

Also, isn't it amazing how when some things are bad, then other things seem to get worse. Must be bad karma or something.

Anyway, just know that I'm thinking about you and your family, and that you will be added to my list of friends in my prayers tonight.

Keep your chin up, think positive, and I'm sure that you will be hearing good things this weekend. It might be a long week for you with the waiting, so if you need to talk, post all of your thoughts or feel free to email me

kimgagne@electrowindings.com

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:50am
SS & Red,

Thank you both for you kindness. It brought tears to my eyes to know that friendships can be built in such a short time. I am spending lots of time with my parents. Last year my H built them a house in our neighborhood, so it's been great having them close to me. My father is in very good spirits.....he is 79 and always been in great health until last summer and he had triple bypass surgery. Since that time he has been going downhill steadily. He is a great man! I sat with him last night while my mom went to a ladies bible study. My children came down there also. My H has not been as supportative as I would like. He is under the impression that we should have "seen this coming", because my dad has smoked for years....... it's still difficult to go through and feel H is a complete jerk for being so insensitive. Of course compassion has never been a quality that he has possessed. Anyway, MM has told me if I need anything to just ask. It's difficult to talk with him about this because he is an only child that is VERY VERY close to his parents and his father passed away suddenly almost 2 years ago. I try not to bring it up much, I feel he knows that I know he is there for me if/when I need him.

Again thanks for all of your support. I put the email addresses into my address book and you may be getting some extra mail soon.....lol my email address is luckygrl813@excite.com please feel free to email me anytime you want.

Haven't talked to MM yet today other than the morning visit. We are testing and he was still in that and so I left the morning paper and retreated to my corner!! I am still very anxious to get "the talk" over with......I'm sure he'll drag it out as long as possible, ha ha.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 12:36pm
(((Kitty))), first, sorry to hear about your dad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:23pm
If there is one thing I have learned, it is not to jump the gun. Many times I have been absolutely *sure* of how my MM felt or what he was going to say, only to find out I couldn't have been more wrong. It is difficult when contact is limited. We have been through a 4 week period of "laying low" due to almost being found out, and it was very difficult. He went through feelings of guilt and pulling away, and just when I was sure where he stood, he called me up and we met...had an amazing time (blush)...and it turned out I was worried for nothing. This goes back to another post about our happiness being tied to the other person, like being on the end of a yo-yo. My advise based on what I have been learning is to NOT jump to any conclusions, but meet with him and give him time to speak his mind.

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