I NEED everyone's in put

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
I NEED everyone's in put
11
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:08pm
To all of you,

Yesterday MM and I began emailing each other after lunch. It was just general conversations about work, his road trips, etc. Right before school is out I get this email from him saying "hey we need to talk we have a lot to talk about. are you too busy for a phone call?"..................you can imagine the pit in my stomache.....we in week 9 of no meetings other than work oriented. One brief visit to the closet about 4 weeks ago. We had agreed to lay low because MM's W had maybe heard a few rumors where our names were mentioned together. Since that time, no other rumors have surfaced and MM feels that home situation is OK. This was a mutual agreement to just wait it out and see what happens......but after this email I feel devastated.....

I reply to the email by saying, "unless you feel it necessary for us to talk, I have pretty much figured out the situation.....I understand what position you are in and we've discussed this enough that you don't need to give me an explination". I said this because it is pretty obvious. We've had opportunities to be together and he has said no because he had "bad vibes". I haven't pressed the issue with him. I just have told him our relationship was supposed to be based on total honesty with each other. That if we either one needed/wanted out..the other was supposed to accept that and understand. We realize that our being together on any kind of permanent basis isn't a possibility.

So.........I get no reply to my email. After school is out he comes to my room, I am without my daughters today, and shuts and locks my door and comes over and hugs and kisses me and mentions the closet (ha ha red) and then he says "nope, let's save it til the weekend....we will get to see each other and we have a lot to talk about this week".

So my question is this..................WHAT IS IT THAT YOU THINK HE HAS TO SAY TO ME??? I am floored, I was expecting the worst and now I have no idea what he means but "a lot to talk about".

I respect everyone's opinion and would love to know what all of you think is coming.......

Thanks in advance Kitty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:02pm
Thanks so much for the prayers about my father. The are GREATLY appreciated. Today things have been great, chatty with MM. His best friend scared me to death yesterday at the Sonic, you know how you go to push that little red button, well he honked at me (I was unaware I was parked next to him) and he scared the holy crap out of me, MM asked me today if I had run into him yesterday.....said they both got a big hoot out of it last night......so obviously I was on his mind!!!!!!

We just haven't had much private time to talk other than email, he hates it. But the one I just received said that he was having problems at school and wants to know what I think. I assume he is in the process right now of emailing me what the problems are. I appreciate the REMINDER that he has a lot on his mind. I know he does and I know I freak out and forget that this is not the primary relationship he deals with.

Rodeo season is almost here and then that will consume the majority of his life. He travels all over the US for those, spends much of his free time on the road! :( I dread the separation that this will make for us. Of course he is not with W during this time and that is great!!

Thanks again and I will keep everyone posted. Kitty

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