I need help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
I need help!!!
3
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 9:04am
This A has been going on for a while and OM really wants me to leave my H. I love my H but I really don't feel like we belong together. I don't know what to do cause I did just have a baby and I don't know who the father is but no matter who it is I still want to be with the OM. I just can't seem to get enough nerve up to leave. I'd be leaving my home and my dogs (I have 3) all for this man. My dogs are like children to me. OM is wanting to leave work now to go get the baby and some stuff to move in with him while H is at work. My H is a very angry man and I'm worried about what might happen if I did that. I'm so conflicted by all of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lill147
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 9:31am
lill -- DON'T LET OM BULLY YOU INTO MOVING OUT OF YOUR HOME AND LEAVING YOUR H!! he's being a control freak and trying to force you to bend to his will!! tell him you're not leaving until you're ready. you have a baby and of course your dogs and you cannot just run out the door, especially since you say you have an angry H.

you should only leave your M if you want it to be over, not to move in with the OM. this life is about you and now about your child (and dogs!), not OM. if you want to end your M, do it but plan it. puts a little $$ away in your own account. figure out where you will live (not with OM!). do you have family or friends you can go to? make the separation calmly, not creeping out while your H is at work.

if you're going to do it, act like an adult, not a scared child. you have to plan this move, IF it's what you want. DON'T let OM force you into ANY decision. don't jump from the frying pan (H) to the fire (OM)!! you will get burned girl.

think it through as calmly as possible and then do what your mind and heart agree on.

be strong,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
In reply to: lill147
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 9:49am
Lil

I agree with Gurl on this one and I know from your other post that you are still trying to make your decision. Please just take a step back and see what you are about to do. Do not do anything that you are not sure about (like moving in with OM). It could be that OM wants to do the moving while your H is at work and then he can say he won, don't let that happen, this is your life and your baby's take your time to make a decision. You say that your H is angry so you can not predict his actions and that would concern me also if I were you. Listen if OM wants you and the baby then does it really matter if it happens today or next month? Be strong and tell OM that you need to make plans for what you are going to do and that you are not going to do anything rash. Keep us posted, we are here for you. DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
In reply to: lill147
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 9:54am
First off your H sounds like a very patient guy. The fact that he knows what happened and is still with you and waiting on you making a decision is incredible. The fact that your OM is rushing things so damn fast should be a warning sign. He needs to give you time to figure out what will be best for you and more importantly your baby. Your baby is in the middle of this right now, and at now fault of it's own. You need to find out who the father is first and foremost - before you make any moves, after you find out which one is the babies biological father make it legal - if it's om get b/c changed establish paternity. After you've done this or while you're doing this you should go see a therapist, they can give you some insight and help you make the decisions that need to be made. I know that this sounds like a lot but if you don't take the necessary steps and do this half @$$, you and your child could suffer. If OM truly loves you he will wait for you.