I need to let him go . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
I need to let him go . . .
4
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 5:17pm
Yikes. Edited 9/7/2004 2:44 pm ET ET by whatnow04


Edited 10/19/2004 1:43 pm ET ET by whatnow04
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:57pm
i feel your pain - i'm right there with you - what is happening here? is the affair moon retrograde. I am torn as well - after today - i want to tell him where to go...but that's today. you need to follow your heart. rant here - that is what we are all here for. it seems like a lot of us are going through this right now. it is not easy. as much as i love him...some days - like today - i wonder why i bother.

go with your gut.

hugs, db

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:34pm
Sounds like you have a lot invested in your marriage, and want it to really work. You obviously want it to last, or you wouldn't be putting so much effort into the counseling. And to all of us that read your post it's quite frank that you dearly love your husband. I can see, and feel, that in your statements.

On the other hand, I could feel the pull that you are feeling with your MM. The pattern of the on and off again (that you said) has to be wearing on your emotions. The roller coaster of the A on us all is a mental war when we're not stable in what is or isn't going on.

You need to decide what you're doing with your DH. If you are going to work on your marriage and give it 100%, like your counselor said, then I would say stay away from your MM and let go. Sounds like you love and have a good marriage with your DH, so I wouldn't wreck the one stable thing you have going for you. If there was something lacking in it... no emotional support, abuse, drinking, drugs, no sex, then that is a different story.

It's your call and a hard one to make right now. Good luck to you and yours!

jen

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:00am
what

this is a toughy for me to answer. I went through this with mm only with HIM ending it because of guilt et al. Only for us to keep flirting and me confronting the problem...which turned out to be our catalyst for getting back together.

I have to say that if you are wanting to make your marriage work and having mm on the side is too distracting then at the very LEAST suggest...no decide on a "break up " period. Tell mm that you want both of you to have time to concentrate on your spouses and your relationship with them. Him only being married two years tells me he needs to re evaluate as well. Make it a time period you set for now. Like the summer or until Christmas... whatever you think would be appropriate. Then if one or the other is feeling like that isn't making anything difference, (In my case I was more relaxed in my M while with MM in my life) then they can contact the other person to let them know. I wouldn't chuck it but I would make a change. Catch is that during that time you HAVE to work on your M, approach it like you did break up permenatly.

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:44pm
DB


Edited 10/19/2004 1:46 pm ET ET by whatnow04