I need this in my life !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
I need this in my life !!!
1
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 1:44am
I just want to say that without this wonderful man in my life I would not have what I believe destiny has finally saw fit to give me. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me. He is very honest and the nicest man I have ever met. I was married for 25 years to a man that abused me and then I got the courage to leave him after he put me in the hospital. I found my man at work. I knew the moment I saw him that he was something special. He is married but only there for his kids that he loves dearly. He is with me 5 days of the week at work and then I see him on the weekend. His wife is a very mean and controlling woman. She used to work where we do and everyone knows that she is mean. He really needs to leave her. He is so scared of being finacially doomed because of child suport and the thought of losing everything he has worked for the last 17 years.

I know if I could give him the choice between me or her he would pick me. But I need someone to love me and I don't think I could stand a waiting period in between all the stuff that has to go down during divorce. why should I give him the ultimatum? His lawyer told him it would be better if she left. god I wish this would all get straightened out soon so I could spend all my life with him and he wouldn't ever have to sleep another night on the couch at his own home. I would definately spoil him rotten. He brought home the picture I bought him for christmas and hung it in the house. He told his family his friend got it for him and even told them my name. Do you think she knows and is just using him for his money? He has everything put into the checking and lets her control it all to keep her from giving grief. It just seems so crazy to me.How can I get him to realize that sacrifising his own self is not going to gain anything good in this ???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 4:16am
You won't MAKE him realise. He probably already does but hasn't yet got to the stage where financial and practical reasons do not outweigh the emotional - but he will soon.

I was in his position. My partner is controlling, abusive - verbally and physically, selfish - all those qualities that you probably had to put up with yourself for years. It took me about 12 months to finally swing away from my H because of my lover (although that is difficult - see my discussion). I sincerely hope that he eventually feels he can't go on and hope that he sees both you and his wife for what you both are and makes the move. You sound like you deserve it. He just needs time. Why don't you try backing off a little and give him the space to realise he is unhappy at home. If you are around all the time, he has his little ray of sunshine to see him through - I know I was happier in myself (and therefore more able to cope) after I'd spoken with MM.

This is my first 'reply'. Not sure I was any help. If you truly thing he's worth it - keep at it