I need a slap up the head..advice?
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| Fri, 10-03-2008 - 3:05pm |
Hi everyone,
I'm not sure what I'm doing back here but I am so very confused right now. My AP/BF has been absolutely wonderful in his dealings with me over the last several weeks. He went on vacation for three weeks and kept in contact every day. He came back and is basically out of town on a job but still texts and/or calls me pretty much every day. Some of his messages are simply just hugs and kisses (XXXOOO) and some of them he tells me that he misses me and wishes he was closer to me. These are just a few examples. He sent me a text just a few weeks ago and invited me to concert...suggested I take a day off and we would get a hotel room and spend the next day together, it was pure heaven. Just last weekend he sent me a text and asked if I could take a Friday off and come out there and spend the weekend with him. I stayed on the job site with him the first night and then the next two nights we stayed at a hotel...the things that we did and the way he held me and kissed me goodbye when he went to work on Sunday and I had to go home, it was very tender and loving.
Long story short but if you'll remember the two women who attacked me in the bar because they said I was spreading stories about them...well, the story I was "supposedly" spreading involved my AP/BF's BF...he was in town and I decided that he needed to hear my side of the story so I went and sat with him and had a few drinks. Well, this guy is a flirt with a capital F, and it doesn't matter to him that I am his BF's girlfriend...the bugger hit on me anyway. I decided to text AP/BF and tell him that I was out with his friend because there was something that I had to settle with him. We discussed the whole thing when I was there on the weekend (let me just say that at one time, earlier in our R...he was jealous of this person) and I told him everything that had transpired. AP/BF wanted to know what I had told him about us and I said that I was crazy in love with him (but that didn't stop his friend from hitting on me and trying to kiss me...ug).
I've been thinking now that maybe my AP/BF set me up to see if I would "respond" to his friends advances? I know that they had spoken with each other the day before I went out to visit and I'm curious why AP wasn't more upset that his friend continues to hit on me. Anyway, I sent AP a text this morning asking what's up and is something wrong because he has been very cool with me since the beginning of the week.

Oh geez. I have no idea...... I'd say let it settle. In my experience sometimes AP just needs space. Simply leave him alone. He will call when he misses you or when he is ready. I think some guys need that.
Just a thought....
Okay, I have to answer this.
Why in the world would a BF who obviously loves you so much "set you up"? Is he normally controlling of who you see? Does he try to isolate you from your friends? If no..see the last paragraph..
I question why you would want to even go out with the best friend, instead of letting it go, but I'll stop there. (Especially if the guy is a jerk..which it sounds like).
I really think you are overthinking this. Don't smother the poor guy.
Hi snow,
Thanks for the insight...you are totally right and I'm just going to forget about all of it. I don't know what I did to the two women who have it in for me, the one woman hates me so much that I think she actually shakes with it! I was trying to defend myself to AP's friend because I want people to like me and these women are doing their best to make him think the worst of me. I'm not going to play the game anymore.
You are so right that I over think things in this A...I have no idea why I got that stupid idea in my head that AP/BF set me up. If I was completely honest I would have to admit that I was possibly trying to make him a little jealous because I was feeling neglected and he didn't react. There, I said it. I feel horrible about it now and pretty childish too.
He did send me a text yesterday as he was leaving the job, he wanted to tell me he was coming home and he did wind up at my place later. He spent the whole night and didn't leave until 10ish...and everything felt just as it did when I left his arms last weekend, which was amazing and wonderful.
I think perhaps I overreacted because I had my first appointment with my lawyer regarding my separation agreement and whenever I have anything to do with my stbxh, I tend to get a little wound up. She had finally received the full financial disclosure from his lawyer and she wanted to go over it with me...she has found a few discrepancies that have led her to believe (as did I) that I am being ripped off here and she thinks that I should end up asking for more than I was even willing to settle for. I will think about this long and hard, especially if it means going through the retainer and costing more money...I really don't want to go down that road, KWIM?
Anyway, thanks again for your comments...it was just that slap upside the head that I requested!
benska
Hi jrcc06,
Thanks for your reply...please read my reply to snow. I just had a mini meltdown moment and over analyzed the whole situation....one day I will know why I do that!
AP/BF and I are fine...he was great as usual, warm and loving and so bloody funny. I have the greatest time with him and I AM going to learn to accept the good stuff.
Hope you're having a great weekend and thanks again.
benska
Glad everything worked out. I guess people can choose to like you or not. Not much you can do about that.
In my own case, my