I need some advice!
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| Thu, 10-29-2009 - 9:26am |
Hi. I am new to the boards and ivilliage. I have been looking around the boards and reading alot of what you lovely people have been saying. I have a bit of a situation that I need help with. This is a very long story but I desperately need some help. So let me begin....I met my H seven years ago (but I have only been married for 2) thinking he was everything I was looking for. When I met him, he had really good money (He is still a truck driver,) had credit cards, a brand new truck, race cars...You name it, he had it.
We talked for hours before we met in person. I was working that day so we met down where I lived. He drove an hour and a half just to see what I looked like. We hit if off on the phone, but when I met him, he was not at all what I thought he was going to be. He told me that I was his "love at first sight" I just thought to myself, if I am going to get out of this hole that I am in, I might as well play along. I stayed at my job for 3 months, until he asked me to move down to where he lived. Mind you, he lives with his parents. Okay, I didn't like that...(since I have been on my own now with my 10 year old son, he was 2 1/2 at the time....) I got an apartment down here....thinking everything will be okay.
About a month or so passed, I got pregnant! He was with his present job for 4 years, until he quit to find another trucking company with more money and more benefits. So he did. When I told him I was pregnant, he didn't care. He said "What are we going to do?" I knew what i had to do....with or without him. I gave my daughter up for adoption. That was the best thing to do! And I am greatful I did that. So, I had her and everything went smooth after that (with the adoption and all)

Husband may have opened the door so he can say you cheated on him.
"How do I get up enough courage to do this?"
I agree completely with YWSTE.
Happiness can only come from yourself. As cheesy as that sounds, if you are comfortable in your own company and can do all for yourself, then you are complete. Financial security may make material life OK but settling with the person that provides it when you dont love them is soul crushing. I stayed with H for years with the same view that if i cant be happy then i will buy stuff to make me happy. Didnt work. I wish i could have been like you and saved 10 years working that one out.
I applaud your honesty and believe that you have already been through the hard part. Telling your H that its over is the worst, now you just have to slog through the parting company. This will bring up guilt and emotions, but that is part of being human.
Get your life back in order without AP and if things work out for you then you are stable without having another failed R. Worry about AP if or when he manages to get a D and joins you. Now is the time to get you and your child into a stable environment without having to anticipate unknown details with AP.
Good luck for the future.
SB
Thanks you guys! I will do that. I will take what you said into consideration. I knew I came here for a reason!
Thanks :)
If I have any more questions, I know who to ask!