I need some advice and support
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I need some advice and support
| Wed, 10-01-2008 - 9:29pm |
This is the only place I can ge advice from people who aren't judging or just dismissing me and saying "Um, you shoulnd't be doing this ANYWAY"...
I'm on the rollercoaster big time with AP. This has been going on for more than 3 years now and its been pretty steady. Its so loooong and complicated and with how I feel right now, I cant even get into the details (he's M

Welcome to the board. You will find there are a lot here that have some really good advice, not all what we want to hear but we all need the occasional reality check now and then.
Now to your question. I very recently went through something with my AP that caused me to take a step back and evaluate what has been going with our A and I too came to the realization that I gave him way too much power. I realized that I needed to balance things out and decided to take a stand for my own well being.
If you want to balance things out in your A then you need to ask yourself if you can continue with the way things are. Once you decide you can't then you can take it from there. We all have our ways of dealing with things and I am sure you will figure out what works best for you. For me, I stepped back and started shutting down emotionally, which I am sure was not the best way to handle it but for me it is the way I usually deal with things when I feel vulnerable. The only way for things to change is for you to decide when that needs to happen.
My AP and I talked about what I was feeling and what I needed from him. For now it seems like the tides have changed and things are good. He is putting more of an effort in our R but it has only been a few days.
I am not sure if this help much but I hope it does.
I know that it sucks waiting for him to feel like he misses you enough to act right, but that's where your decision comes in to play. Can you cope w/ that? Only you know.
Apparently my AP and your AP use the same playbook! The minute I relax and just try to enjoy it for what it is...he doesn't chase. The minute I pull away, he chases. I'm d@mned if I do and d@mned if I don't. I guess I'm trying to take this time to really see what I want, what I need, and how to handle it. I can't re-iterate enough how much this board helps me because there is no judging and everyone is honest and open. Plus, you can take what you need and work with it.
I just have to sit and wait and see what THIS week will bring. Men...geesh.