I need to vent out of confusion and hurt...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
I need to vent out of confusion and hurt...
6
Fri, 11-01-2013 - 9:12pm

So, I had an A with a guy I have known for most of my life and things ended badly last time but we finally reconnected in August and were trying things with us again. We went slow this time around rather than the speed relationship we had last time. We talked everyday except weekends. We had not only sexual conversations but intellectual and emotional ones too. We started getting to know each other well and honestly became like best friends. About a month and a half ago, we stepped over the line into physical with a kiss. One kiss and talking close to all day everyday for a bit over a month. This is where the frustration, hurt and confusion comes in. I have not talked to him in a month as of today. That last day we talked he seemed normal just a bit busier than usual. I asked him to meet up and he told me that he is expected at home so he couldn't (he has a live in GF). Now here it is a month later and I have not heard from him. No explanation, no nothing. So, I am out running errands this afternoon and notice his truck behind me so I am thinking he is following me to talk. We are on a back road so I pull over and he just passes me by. He knows my car like the back of his hand so there is no way he didn't realize it was me in front of him. He doesn't wave, honk or anything. His GF along with my H know about the A last time which was why we stopped contact but this was not my choice and he isn't even acknowledging my existence now. If his GF found out about us this time somehow....fine but at least have the decency to tell me we need to cool it. My H knew we were in contact and didn't like it but I still had contact with him. My H even thought this guy had more than just sex feelings for me from a conversation he read so why is it that I seem to be disposable from his life but I don't make him disposable from mine??!! I drove home feeling so hurt again by him. I finally just texted him game over. I am not a game to be played with and thrown out whenever I don't fit his life. Ironically...our song played twice while I was in the car so that made it that much worse. I have many other options to pursue an A but this guy is the only one that I saw worth risking my M for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 1:06am

I have realized that. I blew him game up last time by coming clean to my H. H ratted him out to the GF. I think I am surprised that I am hurt simply because I had a huge wall up with him this time around. I liked him but I didn't fall head over heels like I did last time. I saw him as my boy toy...I mean I missed him but overall I missed how good he was in the bedroom which was why I agreed to the sex only. He however got agitated when I called him my boytoy...lol. I have come to the reality of the situation and I meant when I said game over. I haven't contacted him since...I refuse to be at his disposal. He is going to be pretty upset when he tries that again and he gets shot down. I would rather just focus on my M than to be with anyone else...even if that means giving up on the best sex of my life. Sex isn't worth all this to me...I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed but oh well. Time goes on and so will I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 1:22am

Maybe you're confused because you don't understand you ARE a game to him!  There when he wants you to be in his life, and can't be bothered with you when he doesn't want you to be.  And why are you surprised that you're hurt?  The last time ended badly too.  This is what you can expect from him.  This is what you got from him twice....and will again if you waste your time with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 2:14pm

As much as it hurts to hear if he acts like that it is a game to him. 20 years ago I went through the same thing I was married with small children felt trapped in a horrid marriage.  He was my husbands good friend who quickly became my best friend.  He was the first man I had loved so after the first time we kissed he ignored my calls, would drive by me like he didn't even know me. I can't start to explain how badly it hurt.

It took a long time for me to understand I was just a pon to him, I even hoped after my divorce he would start talking to me again but soon learned if he had cared for me if would of been there for me all those years ago. It is going to take time and maybe therapy to start to feel better.  Just remember your not the first or last woman to go through this & one day you will find the right man be it your husband or someone else I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 4:07pm

Yea, I know. I started realizing it was a game when we first started talking again in August. I agree to the just sex thing simply because he really is amazing in bed and I figured at least I get some amazing sex out of it. However, it changed when he decided to take things slow and actually got to know each other. He and I connected on another level other than a sexual one. Dummy me...thought that maybe things would be different due to that. Honestly, neither of us have much contact with anyone other the our SO and people at work so we kind of became each other's best friend. I caught him following me again on Monday. First time was Friday and now again on Monday. I flipped him off (I think he thought I was waving) then he slowed down and backed off. I am doing better but I still miss the jerk. I think what is bugging me is the fact that he caters to everything she wants but when my H pitched a fit about me talking to him...I kept talking to him. Looks like my balls are way bigger than his are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 9:57pm
So, I ran into him again today. Cars face to face...I was sitting at the stop sign and he was turning onto the street that I was on...he looked at me then started looking around. Almost like he was looking for someone or trying to avoid looking into my face. Hmmm....wonder why?! He was by himself too. All these times he has been alone and he acts like his GF is in the car with him or something. WTF!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 11:18pm

Wow, sounds like he's stalking you.  But every single day that you resist him, pat yourself on the back, buy yourself a manicure, go to a movie, or especially hang out with your girlfriends.  Each and every day, even every minute or hour that you avoid him is a success.  Soon you will be so proud of yourself that you can just keep going, even without the rewards.  Ignore him and respect your beautiful self.  Eventually he will beccome only a distant memory.