I pushed back and took some power...yes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
I pushed back and took some power...yes!
10
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 12:02am

You can read my story under the post "We didn't know it was an affair".

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 1:01am

>>>"He began saying "I'm just overwhelmed by what happens if I leave. We have to introduce our kids and parents to eachother..blah blah." "<<<

I don't get why he would say this. What difference does it make? I thought he and the kids already knew (or thought) they were already D. So, what's there to be so overwhelmed about? Why not just follow through with the D and tie it all up? By going to counseling with W and acting like their gonna rebuild just gives everyone false hope.

Good for you for taking your power back. Stay strong.



Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 1:09am

YOU GO GIRL!!! I am so proud of you!

Yes, you are so right. The more clingy, and needy you become, the farther away they get. Do you blame them on that one? Clingy, and needy are just so unattractive.

You really spoke up for yourself, and in an A that can be very difficult. You have taken back your power. Relish this moment, bask in your accomplishment, because the uncertainty, and regret return all too quickly. It's been a hard road, but I have made this far, so can you. I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself. Man, that just inspirers me to keep on keeping on. Even after my Hell date! Thank you for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 2:30am
Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 8:33am

Hi Goddess,


Yes, the kids still think they are divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 8:48am

Good for you! I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. I think his reaction is a good indication that he would have been perfectly happy to fence sit the rest of his life. His comment about introducing family,etc. gives me the impression that he never considered the relationship going to the next level. Otherwise, why the surprise in involving family? It would have to happen eventually.

Its unfortunate the way things have played out. Better to go through this now than 5 years down the road.

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-13-2008 - 5:20pm

my armchair quarterback opinion (there is the disclaimer for me not knowing him and you).


...you may find yourself assessing after awhile that you do not want this liar.


I think he has lied to you big time. His 'fear' about exposing the children to someone he is dating when he 'supposedly' was divorced to begin with .


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:27am

I think you are right Lizzie..it's just hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 2:39pm

funny, I don't miss being with a liar. I decided to look the other way when I found out he was married because I was so 'into' him. Then I woke up, snapped myself back to reality and realized that it wasn't about me that was so great, it was about him and how he coped with life (lying, being a coward, and I was just a means to his way of living.


Never again, sure it was hard to break the habit of his attention, my feel goods, ...but that is all it turns out to be. People finally get over grief and move on. Do I think about him? Sure, but I also think about my 9th grade crush, my trip to Disney World, the death of my mother, my little nephew when he was 2 (how cute), the jerk at the store the other day, my european vacation, that lying man, my bills that will take a few years to pay off, my weight, that lying man, the great sex I had a year ago (!), the crushing rejection from the guy from Plenty of Fish, what I had for dinner two nights ago (yum).....ya get my drift. It becomes one of the things that pops in my head during times I am not busting my butt at work or during commercial breaks while watching Bravo TV.


It eventually, when one goes through to the other side of "done",

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 9:02pm

>>>"So what if he works through this and we miss eachother?"<<<

You won't know unless you get yourself out of this stagnant R with this MM. He seems happy to keep dangling that carrot in front of your face while he go and work on his M??? What kind of extra fool(ish) do you have to be? He's giving you all kinds of "cockamamy" (even throwing his parents in the mix) reasons why he couldn't D her even after thinking they were already D? C'mon now.

Besides, I don't believe in that 'what if we miss eachother" theory, because if you're meant to be, he'll find a way to tie up his loose ends and come get you. He knows where to find you.



Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sun, 12-28-2008 - 10:33am

Hi Offsides -


First - let me say I am so proud of you for taking control of your own life - and for letting him know that although you are hanging in there right now - there is an end in sight - and he better you know what - or get off the pot.

lightning in my heart