I really did it now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
I really did it now...
11
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:00am
What the hell is wrong with me? MM called me this morning, I asked him how his evening was, he said great, talked about the weekend and I guess he has some big plans Saturday night... so after we hung up, I started feeling really insecure and sent him an email saying that it seems like he has no time for me in his life, and he's just going on with his own life, and I'm feeling left out.

god, I should have kept those thoughts to myself because he got really pissed and said "where the hell did that come from" and talked about how he calls me every day- morning, after work, etc. and tries to see me every chance he can get.. and he said that was so unfair of me to say.

well, he's right- but I can't help but feel insecure like that sometimes. so I just emailed him back and told him to forget it- I should have kept that to myself. I haven't heard from him since.

I need to realize that, no matter how deeply our feelings are involved and how much we love each other, it will never be anything more than an EMA. it's something EXTRA. that's all. how can I expect him not to live his own life? I think if he dedicated every waking second of his life to me, I would get sick of it fast!!!!

just had to rant... get my thoughts out there... what do you girls think, any words of wisdom? I'm not going to email or call him... just going to lay low.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:21am
He blew off some steam, just give him a little time to get over it, I'm sure he'll get ahold of you soon. YOu're right, you probably shouldn't have said those things, but too late now. Just remember next time they pop into your head, DONT DO IT!! I think we all have those feelings from time to time. I try to remember that we are all doing a juggling act, and obviously the fact that he juggles enough to see you, call you regularly, etc., means he cares about you. Just try to remember that.

I've come real close to saying those kind of things, without going all the way. If I was you, when you hear from him (because you will !!) I'd just laugh it off and blame it on PMS or something like that. Best wishes, and try to cheer up !!

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:24am
It's complicated~

I'm sorry your feeling upset and he's pissed. I think you needed to tell him how you feel but also you do need to remember , like you said it's Just an EMA and it's all extra ! Nothing more....nothing less. You need to send him another email apologize but tell him you need to let him know your feelings and tell him that even though you know how much he invests in the EMA you know he has a full life as well and sometimes it just gets confusing and I'm sure he'll understand. Let him know that you understand and you appreciate what he does do for you. Good luck, I think things will blow over easily.

Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 2:04pm
that's exactly it, complicated -- the EMA is EXTRA, not the PRIMARY relationship between you two. and yes, sometimes we do get needy and insecure, but as adult women, we must keep perspective and focus on the good times together with OM/MM and not dwell on the little things that can make us crazy. after all, our lives are more than the EMA/A, right!

and so you made a mistake. you apologized for it, so let it go now. your MM will get over it in a few days and probably act like nothing even happened. YOU must also let it go now. give MM a few days to get past your words. i'm certain he will be fine by monday.

focus on yourself and the coming weekend. and have some fun yourself saturday night!

take care,

gurl

Avatar for stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 2:11pm
You know- as a general rule of thumb, if I'm going to send an email that I've put a lot of thoughts and feeling into or I'm writing during a meltdown, I never ever ever send it when I'm done. I just let it sit in my drafts folder and wait at least a couple of hours. Especially if I'm writing something at night when I'm feeling really lonely. I can't tell you how many times this has helped me save face! I wake up the next morning, read it and think what the heck whas i thinking?!??! LOL And the best part is it usually just turns out to be a misunderstanding or something. And I'm able to laugh it off while he explains what happened because I already vented my frustration out about it- he just doesn't know... ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 2:41pm
Im dreading winter when my OM is laid off and has email...I tend to have alot to say that I never say to him because I dont have time to talk to him that much...with him having email Im afraid Im gonna be spilling my guts alot over the next few months - you girls are gonna have to help me , since Im only in this thing for sex...LOL

It will blow over - they forget about these things quickly (usually)

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 4:39pm
Thanks so much for all your words of wisdom, ladies!

he finally emailed me back (7 hours later! he must have really been stewing) and said "Okay, let's just go back to this morning before all this happened. I

definitely don't want to go home like this with you. I just want you to know

that I love you very much. "

aww...

I'm feeling so much better about that now... we don't get to talk at all on the weekends, so we never like to start our seperate weekends on a bad note.

I've just really been in a funk lately, and I want to get out of it soon. it's not fun to feel this down!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 7:12pm
Hi Its Complicated,

I can totally relate to your story. Call me the queen of insecurities on occasion...yep that's me. My MM has been extremely patient with me. When I feel my insecurities getting the best of me, I try to remember the reality of my situation. He's got a wife to deal with, he's got kids to deal with, and he has a very demanding job to deal with (being a supervisor in his office also adds staff to deal with on top of his regular duties).....yet, he still makes time for me during the week. The weekends are a different story since with the wife and kids at home he can't exactly be calling me. But still the insecurities pay me a visit, and then I must use logical reasoning that he is in love with me (this was an emotional A long before it ever became a physical one) and those feelings aren't going to suddenly vanish for no apparent reason.

Concentrate on the good memories....such as his contacting you to tell you how much he loves you and not wanting to end your week on a negative note. Those actions speak volumes to how much he cares for you.

Hopefully you have a relaxing weekend and by next week will be feeling much cheerier.

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 6:51pm

Hey Complicated,


I hear you hon and I do understand... most times I'm understanding of MM... work, family and such... but sometimes it can get so hard.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 2:23am
complicated - just want to let you know that this is the 1st time on this board for me and i just spent over an hour writing my first posting about my situation and deleted it just b/f sending it. but came across your posting and it sounded so much like me, and to read all the supportive people here, makes me want to share. i hope you don't mind me using your string here to tell my story...?

long story short, i've been married over 7 yrs, 1 child. haven't had sex with H in over 3 yrs. almost 1/2 my marriage. we care for each other a lot, but i honestly feel we'd be incredible friends, we're not making each other better people has husband/wife.

enter my A. he's my boss, he's married, and he's the most incredible person i've met. we were together for about 6 months and he recently ended it. he holds a high position, which involves a lot of hours, stress, he's a young exec, grooming to be a leader within the company. lots of risk around our relationship at work and obviously outside of work (home). he recently learned of some health problems, found his child wasn't responding to him, felt work slipping, and most recently, is encountering a legal issue. as a result he "can't do it" anymore.

however, we still talk everyday. we work together it's inevitable. but our conversations rarely stick to work - they always seem to take a turn back to us. he stands by his issue of not being able to handle it right now, but never seems to close the door completely. he keeps giving me nuggets to hold on to - says/does things to make me know that he still wants me in many ways, but just can't handle it right now.

i don't know what to do. i can't get my mind off him. it's been 2 months since we've been together, but everyday for me is like a new opportunity to get him back. though we've been "off" for 2 months, we still talk everyday, flirt, laugh, etc. he wants to remain friends and "see what happens" after all his issues clear, and i'm left waiting around. hoping.

we're going to a holiday party together (just me/him) in a few weeks - a work thing. i can't wait b/c it will be the first time in a while that we're out together, in the city, alone, and i have high hopes for that night. but i don't want to be let down. i know he "wants" me - and i crave him immensely...i also know it's not purely physical b/c we've maintained a great friendship the past 2 months...what do i do?? we started this A to have fun, and along the way fell in love. now, he can't handle those emotions with all the other stuff going on in his life. am i an idiot for holding on? hoping?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 8:02am
Happy!!! Im so glad you decided to come out of lurking and share your story with us. Obviously you are right in the middle of the emotional mix we all call EMAs...You have definately come the right place to share your emotions and ask your questions in a nonjudgemental forum. Im so very happy that you've decided to join us...

I would suggest you do your best emotionally and mentally to set no expectations for your evening out with your MM except to enjoy the party in his company. I know that will prove to be extremely difficult but it seems he has stressed that he needs some time to resolve some very serious matters and pushing him will not be in your best interest. Just let your evening together be what it is and love and cherish every minute you have in his company.

And again, welcome to the board!

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

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