I Really Need Help Guys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
I Really Need Help Guys!
17
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 6:15pm
I am not sure how much of my story you know, so I will give a little background. AP and I were together about 7 years ago, we both left our spouses, but I had a substance abuse problem, and my behavior became really unpredictable, and unstable, so AP/BF went back to his wife. I don't blame him, I was off the chain. About a week after they got back together I found out I was pregnant by AP. I stayed away from him for six years,he saw our child, but I resisted getting involved again, I also dated NO ONE else or had sex w/ anyone. I love him so much that I had no interest in anyone else.
Anyway one day he came over to get our son, and I gave into 6 yrs. of denying myself of his touch. We have been back together now a year, and he is leaving his wife in December.
The problem is that in the beginning of the second time things were wonderful! Sex was awesome, we talked everyday, several times a day, and saw each other about 4 or 5 times a week. Now I see him like once every 10 days or so, and we have sex then, and sometimes don't talk for days. I have told him NUMEROUS times that I was feeling neglected, and was unhappy.
Well he works A LOT of hours, and he says that's why we don't see each other, but when he went on vacation he didn't call for 4 days. He did that twice in this year. He swears that he still feels the same about me and none of his intentions have changed, and that everything is going according to schedule, I am not so sure. He says he is distant because he has a lot on his mind, because he will be breaking camp soon, but he acts like he doesn't want to be bothered w/ me AT ALL. I know I should be happy that he is leaving her for me again, but I feel so neglected. I got so tired of always being the one to plan our time together, that I have just stop asking. I ache for him, but he doesn't seem pressed at all. Should I just keep going on like this to see if it gets better after he is in his own place, and continue to feel alone and neglected, or should I consider this a preview of the future? I am so sad right now. All I want to do is call him, and tell him how much I love him, but I think that's part of the problem. He knows how much I love him, therefore he thinks I am not going anywhere. I don't know, any advise would be appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 8:51pm

If his timeline is December, then wait and see if he's really going to do what he says he'll do then. Otherwise, you can't really nag him now since he is still M to someone else and you're just the OW. His actions now may be a preview of how things will be in RL R with him, so I suggest you do some serious thinking now on what you can accept.

He has loads of stuff he has to go through before he can be yours. Sometimes men realized they can't go through the actual separation and D so they end up going back and try to make their M work especially if they have kids. So, you have to be prepared for that scene too.

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Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 7:27am

Men are so different than women!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:06am
Ok I agree with Gooddess, timeline is December so as much as it sucks I think you should lay low so to speak. He could be being a little distant b/c he is felling sad over the end of his M. I think that is only nautral at one time he loved this person enough to try to make a life together. It did not work. There are all kinds of emotions with that. Maybe he is trying to shield you from seeing that he is hurting because he thinks that it would hurt you. Maybe next time you are together try talking about it, ask him how he is feeling. Be his friend. Take the focus off of you and the R, and put it on him and how he is handling the emotional side of things. Men are just different than us. Please keep us updated.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:42am
Thank you obxbell, I needed to hear some encouraging words. I had not even thought about him "going into business mode." That is so him. Once he told me it was hard for him to see me too much because he looses focus on what he is suppose to be doing even if I am not there or he didn't see me that day. He say that I take up all his time because he thinks about me. The more we see each other,the more involved he gets. Personally I think it's great, but apparently it makes some things difficult. Please just say a prayer that this works out, because he is my soul mate. You know one reason why I think he is my soul mate? Check this out. I was w/ my H for 10+ yrs, never used birth control, and never got pregnant. AP had a vasectomy. I leave my husband and in a manner of a few short months I get pregnant by AP. Now H's girlfriend turned up pregnant a few months after me. Now AP's wife never got pregnant, I never got pregnant by H, H's g/f gets pregnant, and I get pregnant despite the fact that AP had a vasectomy. When I told him I was pregnant I didn't know about the vasectomy, so AP thinks I have been unfaithful. Well DNA don't lie If both my husband, and I were fertile why didn't I get pregnant by him. At first I thought H was unfertile, but his g/f ended up pregnant. Now AP's wife never used birth control, and never got pregnant, and there I was just as pregnant as I wanted to be. He would tell me, "man it blows my mind when I think about it." He always says that there are forces much more powerful than us controlling our lives so that we end up together, but it has been a very long time since I have heard him talk like that. I am not sure that he still feels that way.
There are other reasons why I feel like we are soul mates, I could tie you up reading this blog all day :) Thanks for your words of encouragement, because I was feeling really sad yesterday. I even started crying, but I feel a little better now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:44am
What is happening in December that hasn't happened right now?

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:56am

Now that is TRUE fate right there!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:56am
In December he won't have sneak and see me. We can stay overnight at each others houses. He wanted to be financially stable before he left. The last time he left her for me he didn't plan ahead, and he paid for it. This time he has paid off his credit cards, so there is no debt except for his cars.
I have to agree w/you in that a decline in good treatment says something I am not trying to hear. That's why I am so worried. I understand that he has a lot on his mind, but if he is doing this for us, then why can't I see him a little more often. Every minute of everyday can't be taken up. I don't know, I guess I will give him until December, and go from there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 10:05am
Keep us posted.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 10:08am

Okay - wait justice - you're going backwards now - stop fretting!


You are lucky to have already gone through one break up with him - so you know how he handles these emotions - how he acts when he's pulling away because he doesn't want you vs. when he just needs space to get his "house in order".


When things ended before - was he honest with you about not wanting to be with you then?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 10:11am
God I hope this isn't how he usually acts. Well I can say that no it's not. He has a dynamic personality, and a great sense of humor. I'm hoping this is temporary. Thanks for answering my post.

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