I Really Need Help Guys!
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I Really Need Help Guys!
| Thu, 09-18-2008 - 6:15pm |
I am not sure how much of my story you know, so I will give a little background. AP and I were together about 7 years ago, we both left our spouses, but I had a substance abuse problem, and my behavior became really unpredictable, and unstable, so AP/BF went back to his wife. I don't blame him, I was off the chain. About a week after they got back together I found out I was pregnant by AP. I stayed away from him for six years,he saw our child, but I resisted getting involved again, I also dated NO ONE else or had sex w/ anyone. I love him so much that I had no interest in anyone else.
Anyway one day he came over to get our son, and I gave into 6 yrs. of denying myself of his touch. We have been back together now a year, and he is leaving his wife in December.
The problem is that in the beginning of the second time things were wonderful! Sex was awesome, we talked everyday, several times a day, and saw each other about 4 or 5 times a week. Now I see him like once every 10 days or so, and we have sex then, and sometimes don't talk for days. I have told him NUMEROUS times that I was feeling neglected, and was unhappy.
Well he works A LOT of hours, and he says that's why we don't see each other, but when he went on vacation he didn't call for 4 days. He did that twice in this year. He swears that he still feels the same about me and none of his intentions have changed, and that everything is going according to schedule, I am not so sure. He says he is distant because he has a lot on his mind, because he will be breaking camp soon, but he acts like he doesn't want to be bothered w/ me AT ALL. I know I should be happy that he is leaving her for me again, but I feel so neglected. I got so tired of always being the one to plan our time together, that I have just stop asking. I ache for him, but he doesn't seem pressed at all. Should I just keep going on like this to see if it gets better after he is in his own place, and continue to feel alone and neglected, or should I consider this a preview of the future? I am so sad right now. All I want to do is call him, and tell him how much I love him, but I think that's part of the problem. He knows how much I love him, therefore he thinks I am not going anywhere. I don't know, any advise would be appreciated.
Anyway one day he came over to get our son, and I gave into 6 yrs. of denying myself of his touch. We have been back together now a year, and he is leaving his wife in December.
The problem is that in the beginning of the second time things were wonderful! Sex was awesome, we talked everyday, several times a day, and saw each other about 4 or 5 times a week. Now I see him like once every 10 days or so, and we have sex then, and sometimes don't talk for days. I have told him NUMEROUS times that I was feeling neglected, and was unhappy.
Well he works A LOT of hours, and he says that's why we don't see each other, but when he went on vacation he didn't call for 4 days. He did that twice in this year. He swears that he still feels the same about me and none of his intentions have changed, and that everything is going according to schedule, I am not so sure. He says he is distant because he has a lot on his mind, because he will be breaking camp soon, but he acts like he doesn't want to be bothered w/ me AT ALL. I know I should be happy that he is leaving her for me again, but I feel so neglected. I got so tired of always being the one to plan our time together, that I have just stop asking. I ache for him, but he doesn't seem pressed at all. Should I just keep going on like this to see if it gets better after he is in his own place, and continue to feel alone and neglected, or should I consider this a preview of the future? I am so sad right now. All I want to do is call him, and tell him how much I love him, but I think that's part of the problem. He knows how much I love him, therefore he thinks I am not going anywhere. I don't know, any advise would be appreciated.

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If his timeline is December, then wait and see if he's really going to do what he says he'll do then. Otherwise, you can't really nag him now since he is still M to someone else and you're just the OW. His actions now may be a preview of how things will be in RL R with him, so I suggest you do some serious thinking now on what you can accept.
He has loads of stuff he has to go through before he can be yours. Sometimes men realized they can't go through the actual separation and D so they end up going back and try to make their M work especially if they have kids. So, you have to be prepared for that scene too.
Men are so different than women!
There are other reasons why I feel like we are soul mates, I could tie you up reading this blog all day :) Thanks for your words of encouragement, because I was feeling really sad yesterday. I even started crying, but I feel a little better now.
******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over againNow that is TRUE fate right there!
I have to agree w/you in that a decline in good treatment says something I am not trying to hear. That's why I am so worried. I understand that he has a lot on his mind, but if he is doing this for us, then why can't I see him a little more often. Every minute of everyday can't be taken up. I don't know, I guess I will give him until December, and go from there.
******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over againOkay - wait justice - you're going backwards now - stop fretting!
You are lucky to have already gone through one break up with him - so you know how he handles these emotions - how he acts when he's pulling away because he doesn't want you vs. when he just needs space to get his "house in order".
When things ended before - was he honest with you about not wanting to be with you then?
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