i'm not in an affair anymore, but i can relate to your post because when i was in an affair it did happen. it's currently happening right now in a rlr. to long to explain, but lets say we went through a 2 month hiatus, and now again if my emotions get too intense. he pulls away, you have know idea what's going on, and it's the most painful feeling. i had a breakdown today just missing him so much, and praying to god that maybe we could talk. this time i think it's for good. it's so painful.
Wow... I have so been there. Those first two paragraphs could be describing my first years in my A.
My first question is... is this the first time you've dated during the A or the first time he knows about it? I used to date and lie about it to keep MM from blowing up or hurting his feelings (whatever... he's going home to her every night).
Go. Date. If your goal is to move on you must do it... and if he doesn't react, then you know where you truly stand. If he gets jealous, then you can tell him what you need from him (more affection, time, whatever).
If your goal is to make him jealous still go... but you'll have to play it smart so that's not obvious.
Either way... this is part of the rollercoaster we signed up for. Good luck!
you are so right, i have no answers, just sadness. i know the end of this month he's going for another divorce hearing, and he's moving 15 hours away. i wish he would be man enough to tell me hey i'm moving on instead of ignoring me. it's ver painful. on may 5th he helped me out, we took a road trip. things where going so well. he was showing more affection and attention then he ever had. we came back to my place and took a nap. he was very sick wed and thur, i yim him to say hope you feel better. then on mothers day he wished me happy mothers day. i have not heard from him in 2 weeks and have not seen him in 3 weeks. i don't know what happened, and he wont tell me. i was thinking of emailing him to say just wanted to say hi. all i ask for is honesty, if you want to move on, ok, just tell me. i'm to the point i think if he does get in touch i would feel very nasty and say things i may regret out of being hurt.
I'm slowly pulling myself up through this. At one time I would have contacted him after a week. Now painfully I can go 2. His reasonings is he knows he is moving so my wanting to see him more then once a week would only cause us more pain when I said I wanted more then one day a week. He said he can't emotionally do it, I had a breakdown and cried. All was fine, then after a mothers day, not a word from him. This has happened before, and everytime he has come back, I have always run to him. I have to be stronger then that. It least right now I feel empowered because I have not yet given in to contacting him. I think this time, I doubt I will hear from him. This pulling away is too much for me to handle, I can't deal with it.
MoonUnit
MoonUnit
Wow... I have so been there. Those first two paragraphs could be describing my first years in my A.
My first question is... is this the first time you've dated during the A or the first time he knows about it? I used to date and lie about it to keep MM from blowing up or hurting his feelings (whatever... he's going home to her every night).
Go. Date. If your goal is to move on you must do it... and if he doesn't react, then you know where you truly stand. If he gets jealous, then you can tell him what you need from him (more affection, time, whatever).
If your goal is to make him jealous still go... but you'll have to play it smart so that's not obvious.
Either way... this is part of the rollercoaster we signed up for. Good luck!
They ALWAYS act like the victim... and we ALWAYS protect that; protect their feelings more than ours, accomodate them.
Scares the crap out of me that we're learning to be doormats in the future.
MoonUnit
MoonUnit
MoonUnit
MoonUnit