I screwed myself I think - what do I do?
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I screwed myself I think - what do I do?
| Tue, 12-09-2003 - 8:25pm |
I'm new to the board, but the few posts I've done I've said that MM and I have emotional A and have not had sex yet. Let me go into detail by saying that months ago I was having great difficulty with the situation (I am very involved in church - believe it or not) and sent an him an email that we needed to keep it as friends. Over time I have realized that my feelings for him are so real and my happiness is important. We had plans to meet and now he's basically back to "remember the email". I'm trying to tell him to FORGET the email but he says we can't. What am I going to do?
We've done this before and we always get back to this point. He was supposed to call by 6:00 and I haven't heard from him. H is out Christmas shopping tonight and I am dying thinking that I have ruined this myself.
This doesn't really make much sense I know, but I had to get it out - I'm going CRAZY.

Anna
We'll have to see what happens. Thanks for the support.
Neither me or MM was looking for an A when we met. When we started playing cards we were partners and kept kicking butt, we just had SO much fun, he wasn't a pervert, or rude or crude, but he was a flirt. I thought what the heck, so I flirted back and the rest is history and that was a year ago.
He lives about 3 1/2 hrs from me, so it is a long distance relationship. At first things were going SO fast, through emails and phone calls (even sex on-line, through e-mails and on the phone, just not in person yet) and then I started to feel really guilty a few days before our first "meeting". I told him I couldn't go through with it because of my beliefs and he respected that, but still wanted to see me anyway. Well, I made dinner for him, we talked, then started kissing... and well, had the most passionate night. I have tried to call it off MANY times throughout the past year and he has a couple of times. As things stand now we are basically ending things. We have become best friends over the course of time, but he feels that he needs to be a better father for his children, he has 5... he's feeling guilty about not being there for them spiritually. It has been hard for me to swallow that, but I do understand and so we are attempting to just remain friends. It's too hard though, there is too much history and too many emotions to just "be friends". We have been planning a trip together in January, so we are going to go on that and then after that, it will be over. I have gone back and forth the last few weeks between this board and the "Ending an affair" board.
Basically what I wanted to tell you is try not to rush into the physical part, that is MUCH easier said than done, but once you have crossed that line... you can't go back. Do I regret what I have done?... not a bit.... have I hurt like he** during the past year?... you bet I have. We both even came extremely close to leaving our spouses for each other, but we are both glad that we didn't.
I know how you feel, I really do. I am here if you want to talk it through or have any questions. Otherwise, take a deep breath and let things take their course!
~Serenity
Yours sounds so like mine....we too have been great friends for over 2 years. I don't even know what the relationship is with his W, but I know he is a great dad and is definitely there for his girls.
My greatest struggle was that if things didn't work out, I couldn't bear not having him as a friend. I feel now though, that we've come to a point, we have to go forward to see what happens. He has been the one all this time and totally respecting my feelings and I've now voiced that I wish to move forward and he says that's not my true feelings and he can't "Let me" do that.
I truly feel that he is my soul mate and we have such a deep relationship that even if the sexual affair didn't work, we could remain friends. Things are just so weird right now. I feel only "brotherly" to my H and he is truly the greatest and would do anything for me. I feel guilty, but my happiness has got to be important.
I've got to logoff for tonight, will you be on tomorrow?
~Serenity
Edited 1/23/2004 8:33:32 AM ET by lilah_iv