I think AP is in the Fog

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
I think AP is in the Fog
6
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 10:27pm

AP is usually the model of practicality in his behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 7:38am
You could bring it up to him. But I'm not sure it's the A. If she always accuses him of "crushing her dreams", he may have a pattern of automatically denigrating any ideas she has. Just because he seemed respectful when he talked about her doesn't mean he really felt that way - he might put on that "facade" to people he doesn't know that well. I dunno Jane, I guess I'm not much help. But this guy is sounding less and less like much of a "prize" to be married to.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:55am

Hi Jane,


I think all affairs effect a marriage, one way or the other. If his W feels that way and they are arguing about it then maybe that's just an issue she's always had with him which is why she's sad & mopes around. We all have our ups & downs in relationships but your AP also behaving very irritable might have her sad as well. Who wants to be around someone that is annoyed by everything you do? I know I wouldn't and my first reaction is to stand back.


I'd tell him how I feel and as you being an outsider looking in, & being a woman you see things that he does not. If you love & cherish him as a friend then why not?


Wishing you all the best on your decision.


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 2:17pm
FWIW I think you should tell him what you are seeing because you are his friend and you care about him. I wouldn't back off from the A because you think it is affecting his M. That would be for him to do if he chose to. I think you can point out that when the A first started you found your H and everything about him irritating or something like that and ask him if he thinks he may be doing the same. That isn't a very touchy emotional question. You can then share with him how you dealt with it with your H. I am sure he will appreciate your support and insight. You are his friend and you want him to be happy and what hurts him, hurts you.
When MM talks to me about his W and what is bugging him about her, I just listen and offer support and try to give him another perspective and he does the same for me. I try to remember I am his friend and I would do that with any of my friends.
Just my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 4:39pm

Good advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 4:44pm
Yes, I'm starting to see his flaws now, but I sort of like it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 4:47pm
I think I keep trying to deny that our A will have an affect on her if she doesn't find out.