I think I ended it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
I think I ended it
16
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:21am

After months of happiness and him practically living with me, it got to be too much for him in the end I think.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:37am
Benska, you story has always confused me.. i often wondered how a married man could practically live w his AP. Just from the things you have posted here, i dont know your AP but it sounds like when things are bad at home he stays w you and when they are good he stays w her. He is not self-suffcient, he does not work or works very little and he keeps you noth so he can have a place to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:48am
Yes, it confuses me too bsbsker.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 11:18am
Benska, so sorry you're going through this. Don't feel like you've cut off your nose to spite your face, you are in a relationship (albeit a secret one but nonetheless) you are fully entitled to express your views and feelings, especially if you're not happy about this. If he wants to manipulate you and turn it round on you that is his issue. You should never be afraid to express how you feel through fear he will throw a hissy fit.
Give him time to cool down and think about it, I'm sure he'll be back...as he was after your last fight. Hope you're okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 11:36am
titchy123 wrote:
Benska, so sorry you're going through this. Don't feel like you've cut off your nose to spite your face, you are in a relationship (albeit a secret one but nonetheless) you are fully entitled to express your views and feelings, especially if you're not happy about this. If he wants to manipulate you and turn it round on you that is his issue. You should never be afraid to express how you feel through fear he will throw a hissy fit.
Give him time to cool down and think about it, I'm sure he'll be back...as he was after your last fight. Hope you're okay.

You mean when Benska cools down and asks him to come back. BTW, their R is not secret.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 7:27pm

Something sounds different this time about your post, benska.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:49am
Thanks jane, you are absolutely right. It's just so hard to think things through when you're in the the midst of the drama.

I have a total gym set up in my second bedroom that I don't use...instead I crawl into bed and pull the covers up. Depression has made me tres' lazy, and that's going to stop. It's been too long with AP to still worry this way...so I will really try and do what you suggest. Sexy mama, here I come!

P.S. I feel a little embarrassed admitting this, but he showed up at my house yesterday to make me lunch. It was quite the surprise to turn the corner and see his vehicle there. I truly thought this was it, just because I felt like I was ready to accept it. You're also right in that I think that it can't go much further than it has. Thanks for the kind words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:55am
Thanks titchy. And regardless of what lannman says, it IS a secret...from her and his kids. Doesn't matter that our group of acquaintances knows about it...to all intents and purposes, the town does not.

You are also right..he showed up yesterday to make me lunch. I guess he heard something in my voice that made him want to talk to me about things. It's uncomfortable at the moment, but we're together.

I hope you're doing ok?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:56am

Benska, I was wondering why are you OK with being confused about what's happening in your relationship with him ? I only know bits and pieces about it, but it seems to me that you're in a position to make him take a decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:56am
Thanks lann. You always know what to say ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 12:25pm
benska2003 wrote:
Thanks lann. You always know what to say ;-)

Thanks titchy. And regardless of what lannman says, it IS a secret...from her and his kids. Doesn't matter that our group of acquaintances knows about it...to all intents and purposes, the town does not.

So many married women tend to ignore or accept their husbands' infidelities..for variour reasons.

It's not nice to assume that people are stupid, and I exactly know how words get around in those little towns.

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