I think I lost, please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
I think I lost, please help
8
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 8:34am
I am so distraught, an emotional mess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 1:24pm

I don't have any advice for you hopefully someone else will have some words of wisdom to impart to you and help you work through this.


(((BIG HUGS))) and we're here for you, any time.

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 1:30pm

This is why it's never a good idea to start any kind of an R with someone when you're still tied up to someone else. There's nothing you can do but to let this one go. It was not meant to be because you are NOT available to forge a committed life with him. You have a lot to take care of in your own life. You have a responsibility to those kids to provide them with a healthy safe environment. You can't afford to get yourself caught up in this dream world with an AP.

Be happy for your AP that he found someone who can love him and be there for him 100%. True love is not selfish. You on the other hand, need to gather yourself together and determine what's in the best interest of yourself and the kids. Make steps to end your M if you're not happy in it and there's no possible way you can make it work. Be self sufficient and independent. You said you're in school. Focus in getting that done first rather than squandering valuable time obsessing over an A and the AP.

Good luck to you.

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 8:16pm
hey babydoll. i know exactly how you feel. i am a married guy, 39m and i just let my affair go too and i am completely devastated. i had a dysfunctional marriage, with three fantastic kids, and got involved in the most beautiful affair a year and a half ago. found my soulmate. my perfect partner and lover. she waited a year while i tried to figure out what to do. after years of denial, my wife wanted counselling when she sensed i was about to leave. i had to agree, for the sake of the kids. had to make sure 100% that it couldnt be saved and i was afraid my kids would hate me if i left. meanwhile my beautiful lover waited and waited and waited. we were in contact on and off for a year while i tried to sort things out. but i didnt have the courage. then no contact since december.... but she has still been with me every minute of every day and all i wanted was to be able to find a way to leave. but on thursday i found out that she is seeing someone else. someone single, no strings attached. she called me when she found out that i knew but i could hear in her voice that she is gone. she doesnt want to hear from me ever again because i will jeopardize her relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 9:08pm
Im so sorry. I can feel your hurt and pain through your post. My thoughts are with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 10:44am

Babydoll.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:52pm

Just to say i admire your outlook and the way you have handled this, at least to the outsiders. Just for you to comment so positively on your ap's women shows how much you care for your ap as your understand his need to be happy and have a normal relationship with someone that can give him everything that you have with your H and children.


It must be so so difficult, and hurtfull i dont doubt that. Their is another side to the coin in that 'if you love them then you would let them go' as aposed to 'If you love them then you would move mountains to be with them'.

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:57pm

just to say i too feel your pain in your post, ive no advice really except take care of yourself, and i hope you find a way through this


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 7:14am

hey icandoit... ive just done exactly the same with my XAP. had the final conversation and told her that i am happy for her, i know she needs someone who can be with her properly. it is the hardest thing to say, but i know it is the truth.


my wounds are still fresh, just a week old, and it hurts so deeply every day. but deep down i know that all of my love cannot compensate for the price she had to pay waiting and waiting, and never having me by her side when she needed me. i also have these fantasies about it working out someday. i know exactly what you mean. i promised her i would never cause her any more problems or jeopardize her new relationship anymore. i know it is the right thing to do. i respect her enormously... but it still hurts. the pain is indescribable.