I think I want to cheat on my H

Avatar for tracym24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I think I want to cheat on my H
7
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 4:06pm
and I'm really not sure why. We have a good marriage, 2 beautiful children, I love him. We have had some rough parts but who hasn't. Right now my H is away (he's in the military and he had to go to a six week course). While he is there, I plan on going back home to see family. Which is what has gotten me in the situation I'm in. I needed someone to watch my house and cat while I'm gone. I called an ex-coworker of H's, he's single lives in the barracks..I figured he would like having a house to himself for a month. We have talked before a few times but thats about it. Well since the first time I called him to ask him, all of our conversations turn into talk about sex. He came over for dinner the other night, mainly so I could show him around, tell him what he has to do and give him the key. So we ate and hung out for a while. I could tell he felt a little awkward. Than after a few hours, he said he was leaving, but I hadn't showed him anything yet, so I asked him if he wanted to do that now, he made up same lame excuse that he didn't feel like paying attention and that he would come by Friday night (tonight).

Here's the thing, I can't tell if he's interested or not. Maybe hes scared, I don't know. He's the one that brings up the sex talk, than he makes a comment like, your married and your H could kick my ass. The fact of the matter is I want to hook up with him. I have had a crush on him since I first met him. I guess its just lust, hes really is no better than my H, and to be honest I have no idea why I like him so much. I just know that, my H has been gone for a week, and I have thought more about this guy than my H. I don't know whats going to happen tonight, or whats not going to happen. Part of me isn't sure if I want to open this can of worms, or if this guy will even let me.

I'm really confused and could use some advice from people who have been there done that. I have never even thought about cheating on my H before.

TIA

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 4:12pm
You need to start reading the posts on this board. Read as many as you can and see what you are getting into. See the emotions that others have gone through, happy, sad, and everything in between.

Sex is not just sex in an affair, emotions almost always come in to play.

You are getting into more than you know if you go through with being with this man.

And we'll all be here for you for support no matter what you do. None of us can actually tell you what to do right now, chances are you have probably already made your decision... your just still thinking.....

Good Luck with whatever you do tonight!

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 4:15pm
What you do tonight could change the rest of your life.

If you went away on a work assignment for 6 weeks, would your husband be justified in cheating with the house-sitter?

No judgement here I am just wanting you to think about your actions because ultimately, you are the one paying the piper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 4:21pm
Hi there, and welcome to the boards! :)

Beyond how you would "feel" if you were to cheat on your H (which is a LOT to consider), there is also something else that I feel you should seriously think about. Being that this OM and your H are both military, I'm sure you are aware of the consequences of adultery in the military, should any of the higher-in-commands find out. I have been through this, and even though my H (at the time) and I were separated, it was still considered adultery, and the OM's CO found out and literally had us both followed -- he ended up in the brig!!

So, not only should you think about the consequences this might have on you, your feelings, your emotions, your family, etc. on a personal level, I think you also need to think about that. I wish you the best! ((hugs))

Avatar for tracym24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 4:21pm
Stating that my h would be away for 6 weeks wasn't justifing anything, I was just telling the circumstances that we are in right now. We have been seperated many times due to the military and nothing ever happened. But you are right, it could change the rest of my life and chances are nothing will happen tonight, but that still leaves me confused as hell as I why I am considering it in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 9:00am
Hey there, You might be considering it because you are lonely? Since your H leaves for periods of time, you might be feeling some sort of "abandonment" and thinking about having an A would make you feel alive again. I'm not sure.. But those are my thoughts.

How did it go Friday night? Hope you are doing okay! ~passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 9:45am
I think one of the primary reasons people have EMAs is because they are lonely, whether it is physically, emotionally or both. For me, loneliness made the temptation to be with OM so much stronger. The A eliminated the loneliness, but brought on a whole new world of guilt. It was pretty much an even trade-off.

I'm not sure which is worse, the loneliness or the guilt. But I know that the love from my OM makes the guilt easier to bear.

Pug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 5:30pm
don't do it.If you have a good m and really do love ,care ,and respect yourself and h them stop.Having an a isnot worth the trouble the pain or the hurt it can cause.I'm in the middle of having an a and it really does suck.Don't get me wrong it can be fun but it hurts knowing what your doing could hurt alot of people.Especially if it's your hs friend it will hurt alot.I shouldn't be one giving advice but I do know that when it's over somebody will defently regret it and it will proberly be you.Hang in there and good luck.