I think i'm losing him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
I think i'm losing him...
4
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 3:36pm
After two and a half years, AP finally left his W. Should be the happiest time in my life, right? Unfortunately, that is not the case. It's been almost a month now and I feel like we are growing further and further apart every day. He's obviously under a lot of pressure and stress because of the situation. I don't get to see him, talk to him or even text with him as much as i did before and that is starting to be a major concern. I feel like i've been placed on the back burner and instead of being the top priority, i'm at the bottom of the list. I know that sounds juvenile and petty, but i'm really scared that i may be losing him. He says there is no way in this world he would go back, but i sometimes think that's just to pacify me. When it finally got to the point where I felt we needed to discuss the changes in our relationship it turned into an all out war. He doesn't see (or doesn't want to see) that we are - in my opinion - falling apart. SO...out of nowhere he tells me during the fight that his W may have a serious medical issue and tries to say that's why he's been up tight lately...WHAT? Does it seem a little odd that her "illness" just became known? Now i have a million different thoughts in my head. Will he ever truly let go if she's really sick? He says his concern is only for their children and that he still plans to file for divorce during November. Please give me your thoughts on this. I'm at a complete loss right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 3:55pm

stress can exacerbate a lot of illnesses.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 6:37pm

It is very suspect that she is ill now. When my father left my mother she was so desperate to get him back that she told him that she had cervical cancer, but my father is a heartless selfish pig that has no heart beat, so of course he didn't care.

As far as him being distant well that could be because he is overwhelmed, either mentally or physically. I know when I get mentally overwhelmed it gets to a point where I don't want to deal w/ anything. Sometimes it's hard for me to help my 6 yr old w/ his homework, because I just can't think.

Perhaps this move has been harder than he expected. He has to know how excited you must be now that he made that move, and is probably thinking that he can't handle anymore than he has on his plate right now. Just because your not first right now doesn't mean that you won't be soon. Just give him time to get settled, and grasp what is going on w/ his w's health. I know it's hard, but you should really try to take a step back and let him take care of his business. If you don't he may begin to perceive you as just another female in his life making demands. He doesn't need that right now.

I know that this is probably a very difficult time for you, but try to be considerate of his feelings right now, because he is really going through a huge transition. Trust me after the storm passes, and it will pass, he will have a new appreciation for your selfless acts, and you will shine in his eyes. Try to keep yourself busy, and pass the time productively. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 9:29am

The affair takes place often times in a bubble.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 9:40am

she may not be sick in fact he may be using that as an excuse to let go of you.


so, that he can end the relationship with you.it might be time to bow out gracefully


and save face.