I think it's coming to an end...
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| Mon, 05-31-2004 - 10:18pm |
My MM and I have been together for going on three years now and for some reason it just hit me...I am in an A with a MM. We have been planning to be together all those three years, I am single he is the M one, but it has never worked out because it is always something with his kids that prevents him from leaving. I never anticipated it would have ever gone on this long. Now I just feel so trapped, I love him to death but I just don't feel like I can live this life anymore. I don't know what to do, he knows through phone conversations this weekend that I'm really depressed and we are supposed to talk tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do, half of me wants to end it and get on with my life already but the other half of me wants to hang on to him for dear life.
The longer our R goes on the more it just feels like an A to me. That's not what I ever wanted out of this. I always thought we were going to be together. I'm beginning to feel like a fool. I am running out of strength to wait anymore, to feel this jealousy anymore, to lie to my family anymore, to be lonely anymore, to come second anymore, to cry anymore. I am supposed to start school in fall to start work on a 2nd degree, a second career. How am I ever going to be able to hold it together enough to do well at that while I'm dealing with this!! I am feeling so much anger and sadness right now I can barely stand it.
I can't believe we are going to talk tomorrow and I still don't even know what I'm going to do....stay or go....???
Lost,
Brin

Hugs,
jen
Good luck~ S