I think its over.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
I think its over.....
16
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:16pm

I think I broke things off with AP today. We have been friends for years, and that friendship turned into a PA a few years ago....we are both M. Our relationship was LD and we actually saw one another very infrequently. We did speak often though online and/or over the phone. this past year though I found him to be more distant, busier, the contact less an less frequent and it was always ME initiating contact. I'm just tired. He's not a bad person, has always been good to me....straightforward, caring, no games...but I just can't do this anymore. I'm not sure if I'm the one that evolved..but I just feel differently about things. I love him dearly. Yesterday we had a short conversation in whiche he ended with "you won't see me on here for two weeks" and that was it. No explanation, no goodbye...hell if you think i'm sitting around for two weeks waiting. At that moment I kind of just snapped...being in an A has brought me ALOT of happiness..confidence..self esteem, etc....but now it is just draining me of energy. So I am walking away from the love of my life.....Since i cant call him (he has no privacy at his current work location, I feel uncomfortable calling him) I left him some IM's (our usual way of communicating) and i made it clear that i was unhappy being brushed off...I also brought up a comment he made a year about about not having any obligation or nto wanting to feel obligated to have to contact me, etc. whatever, it doens't matter. In my mind I'm not doing this any more and although I feel tremendous sadness which I know has not hit me full force yet I feel free. I am NOT going on the EAS board so i could talk about how he wronged me, how the A ruined my life, and count days of NC. AP made me happy and I will always have a special place in my heart for him.

has anyone here been through the same and do I have to leave this board now? LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:47pm

Hi Scu,


I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:05am
Thanks for your reply. I woke up this morning and remembered what transpired yesterday and immediately felt sick to my stomach. This is going to be hard, I knew that it would be. I'm hoping that he atleast responds but I know that he won't. I know him well enough to know he'll just keep away.....he hates confrontation or communicating "feelings" which is half the problem with his marriage. We were supposed to be about "fun"...but it wasn't fun anymore. Maybe his life got too busy for me, maybe he wanted to cut himself off a bit emotionally and felt limited contact was a good way to do that..the reasons don't matter. What matters is that my new years resolution was to live my life the best that I can given the cards that I've been dealt, and caring for myself more...and this is a good way to do it.....sitting around missing him wasn't good for me...yet aren't I going to do that now? Now i'll be missing him forever?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:29am
im not going to eas either...because AP didn't wrong me...i might have liked what he said to me..but no wrong to me at all......

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:33am

sorry to hear this...we are going through something similar....except ap didn't want to end it..nor did he want LC, i don't think, he was still texting me everyday and calling...up until..well i got disappointed once again with not being able to see him, after he created the disappointment (by offerring his time, unsolicted) by not communicating with me....he didn't know what to do so said some ole ..well never mind


i know how it feels anyway...i hope you feel better...it's been a week and 4 days..i still haven't heard from him and he hasn't called even to see how i'm doing...


i still got a knot in my gut...i say that to say it's going to be hard..but you can do it or make it

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 9:03am
Thanks Tyger...I know AP is not going to know what hit him and wonder where this all came from....to be honest with you I am not even sure myself. This isn't about wanting "more" which was his great fear..this is about just "wanting".....I just know that our last online conversation really irked me...something snapped. The "you won't find me on here for two weeks" thing irked me. I know he didn't mean it maliciously or to hurt me...he's just stating a fact.....but still, it made me feel bad and one of my NY's resolutions is to take care of me.....and my feelings. Feelings should be honored not repressed or dismissed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 9:24am
i don't think she was being nasty..i think she was just expressing how comfortable she feels with the folks here at MAS, how warm and open they are...and how they give advice from all sides of the table..which is good...i feel more comfortable here as well..although things have ended....it's just an opinion but things here are more positive...to each his own though....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 9:28am
scu72 perhaps he just needed to take a step back to determine what it is he wants from you..that may be all..an A is very overwhelming for all those involved...and if he got to the point where he wants to be with you more than his W and family..it could overwhelm him a lot...but trust know and believe that feeling wont go away from him just by not talking to you...or limiting contact...when someone loves you they love you...feel me....i know my XAP or "whateva you wanna call him's" feeling has not gone away...there's my confidence again...since he told me he thought i should date other people, i asked him to take a step back and decide if he really wants me in his life...because he said that..he stirred the pot....not me...with me it wasn't about wanting more either..but again he stirred the pot instead of letting the soup simmer...get me....it was just about me "WANTING" as well...just like you put it....just some consideration and more understanding.....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 12:43pm
Interesting way of looking at it tyger, thank you for that. I don't think our A ever got too intense for him, we were very cautious from the beginning to keep things in check, but maybe you are right...he feels "safer" this way.....It is just hard for me since he is not able to share his feelings easily, a problem that he recognizes and admits has screwed up alot of his relationships, including his marriage. I'm the opposite so it is hard for me to understand his "world"....Time will tell what happens, maybe we will speak again...but for now I just need time in my own life and to take care of me......feelings should be honored...that is my mantra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:02pm
Stay strong and hopeful. Things will get better. I'm sorry you're hurting right now, but trust that it's all part of the process. Good for you for taking this positive, although certainly painful, step. Kudos.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 4:37pm

(((((SCU)))))


Hi honey - just wanted to give you hugs and tell you how proud I am of you for taking a stand and deciding that you deserve better.

lightning in my heart

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