I think I've been dumped...hurting badly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
I think I've been dumped...hurting badly
9
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 1:05pm

Hi everyone,

Well, I didn't get a reply to my last "happy" post....probably a good thing because I think my AP/BF has just dumped me.

I have no idea what happened. On Wednesday he was coming home and he sent me texts all day. First one was to say good morning and he was looking forward to seeing me, next one was to tell me he was on the road, the next one was to tell me he was even closer...next one was to ask if I had any beer, next one was to ask where I was (I had stopped for one drink at the pub). When I told him where I was and I was just heading home, that was it. I got home and sent him a message asking him where he was (he had made it sound like he was going to come right over) and he told me he was home...that was the last I heard from him. He had a sports thing that night and our plan was for him to come over after he was finished...the same as we did pretty much all last winter on Wednesday nights. So, it's getting late in the evening (these things do go on) and I sent him a message, merely to ask if he was still coming over....nothing. I sent one or two more, just wondering where he was and still, nothing. Nothing the next day or today either.

I'm afraid I'm not handling it very well and sent a couple more texts...asking what was wrong, what did I do....I'm sorry, etc. I then sent one saying that I had just read all the texts I'd sent and to hell with it. But then of course I have that need to know thing and started up again...just wondering what the hell happened? He still hasn't called me and I am beside myself with grief. I love this man so much, he made me think he loved me too...I didn't do anything to deserve this! I cried so much I gave myself a migraine and had to take a day off work...I even sent him a message about that, that I was home and please call me. I'm leaving work at lunch because my head still hurts.

I'm terrified that he's left me and I'm not ready for it..he made me think he loved me too! I would like to slap him right across the face, AFTER I hug the living crap out of him. I don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening, benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 1:32pm

I am so sorry.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:53pm

It could be a simple home emergency, who knows.

You have a right to be scared, but all the texts don't help. What if his wife got ahold of his cell phone and read everything, and is still reading what you send? Not knowing what is going on, I would have expressed my concern but then laid a little low for a few days till hopefully he could let me know what was going on.

That's all you can really do - wait and see what happens, and try to distract yourself in the meantime. And don't jump to any conclusions until you know what's going on.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 4:04pm

I'm so sorry, hun. I really hope it turns out that something came up and he reappears with his tail between his legs soon

D
x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 4:38pm

Hi Benska.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 8:37am
Benska, any word? Thinking of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 12:06am

Benska, any word yet? He was coming to see you then just stopped texting? Doesn't sound like he was dumping you to me, sounds more like something has happened. You need to stay sitting on your hands and do not text him anymore.

My AP has a habit of going NC on me for a few days at a time, but it always turns out there is some kind of reason - in his case, not always a great one, but enough to explain why he has been MIA. The one thing I repeat to myself like a mantra is that he isn't contacting me because it isn't safe to do so. Above everything else, I want him to stay safe.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 9:10am

Benska:


You wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 1:31pm
i'm very very sorry you are going through all this...i really am..my AP/BF acts a tad silly when i go to the bar or out with the girls..but he just says little things...then slightly acts out later..he's better at holding his feeling about me possibly meeting someone else..than i am with him...but it will come out later..he will not ignore me but sometimes be matter of fact or slightly rude...so i know what you're feeling and i hope you've heard from him by now or at least are feeling better...i try to clear my mind by walking at the park by water when that happens...i really can empathize with you so...i hope you've heard from him...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 11:03am

Hi all,

Hmmm, where to start? Willa was right, AP/BF was mad at me because he wanted to spend some time with me before his sports thing. Unfortunately, I was a MW for so long, I've become very obtuse regarding hidden signals and I need to be told something directly. He was mad because I had stopped at the pub when he wanted to come and be with me...I wish he had just come out and told me what he wanted and that would have saved me a LOT of anguish. I knew he was a very stubborn man but I had no idea that he could hold a grudge the way he did. That doesn't sound quite right and I hope you know what I mean. Now that all the drama is over, I can understand that he felt "stood up" because that's exactly what I felt when he didn't show and didn't return my calls and texts.

I did something really stupid on Saturday evening, something that will NEVER, EVER, be repeated. I'm still very fuzzy on the details, but it appears that AP/BF decided to get a hold of me that night and I was totally out of it. I am ashamed to admit that I took the last of my Ativans (9) and had two vodkas, I just wanted to stop crying. I truly did not think they would hit me as hard as they did...actually thought of them as somewhat of a placebo but boy, was I wrong. I was knocked on my keester pretty badly and unfortunately, AP/BF found me stumbling around town trying to get home (I know, I know...dangerous and so unattractive). He sent me a text in the am to see if I was okay and we got together later in the day. He didn't know that I wasn't just drunk out of mind (and yes, I did tell him what I had done, YUK). At first was very angry with me...when I told him that I had no memory of anything he was still angry but also very concerned. I needed him so badly that I broke down and slept with him, I had been so very upset and I just really needed to feel his arms around me, and of course one thing led to another. I was trying to keep my cool but the whole time we were making love I was thinking it was the last time and had a difficult time holding back my emotions. I did ask him if we were still okay and he said that we are....my heart broke though because I caught him wiping away his own tears. Of course he would never admit it but I SAW it.

He couldn't spend that evening with me but he did send me a lovely text with many XXXXOOOO's and it made me very happy. He also left the next day to go back to the job so I didn't see him at all, but it was okay because he CONTACTED me...if he only realized just how much that means! Anyhow, I had still been very nervous about how we left things but he sent me a text at work today, as he usually does....and I think we are going to make it.

I wanted to let you all know what had happened and say thank you for your concern for me. I was in a very bad place, did a very bad thing...and NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I will never let this happen to me again. I don't like feeling that way and so I refuse to anymore.

Thanks again all,

benska

Edited 10/21/2008 5:14 pm ET by benska2003




Edited 10/21/2008 5:24 pm ET by benska2003