I think today might be the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
I think today might be the day.
5
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 10:25am

For the past week I've been struggling with my emotions concerning AP.  I love him very much, but have never told him.  The last time I came close to it is when I told him I thought I was having deeper feelings and he said if I was he would end it because that's not what it was supposed to be about.  That was a year ago. 

I feel like I need to tell him, but part of me is scared to death he's going to say the same thing as before.  I know I have three ways this could go 1) he says it back; 2)he doesn't say anything and we go on like we were or 3) we end it.  I've prepared myself for the 3rd one.  I'm trying to find the courage in telling him so that if/when it does end he knows. 

I don't want to go all high schoolish on him though.  Even though I have feelings for him it doesn't mean I want this to go any further because it can't.  Neither of us are going to leave our spouses.  But is it wrong to want him to feel the same thing, wouldn't it be nice for both of us to know the other just doesn't look at us as a sexual object.

I haven't fully made up my mind yet, I'm still thinking but I'm not sure how to start the conversation off.  How did you tell your AP?  What did they say?

 

"it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is most painful is to love someone and not find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:17am

Personally, I'd be a little bit scared if someone told me that they loved me.  Don't get me wrong, it's one thing to care about someone, but another to love them.  I think that it is a red flag because now it appears that emotions are running so deep that the affair, the marriages, families, etc., could be put in jeopardy.  People do bat sh*t crazy things when they're in love and I always err on the side of caution when it comes to an affair.  I've had this happen to me and when it's happened I start to slowly pull away and end the relationship because things are obviously getting too deep.  Sorry.  Like I said though, I think it's one thing to care about someone and another to love.  I say enjoy what you have together and don't over analyze and pick it apart too much because that will just drive you crazy.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:22am
If you really feel the need to tell him than go ahead but don't have any expectations of the feeling being mutual. Even if they are don't expect for things to progress or want more because like Sonyut said now that feelings came into play, its a whole other ball game your dealing with. If you can tell him and deal with it as it being just what it is...than so be it but don't get your feelings hurt if he doesn't feel the same.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:23am

Thanks Son!  I don't know if I would've told him that I loved him, but I would've/would tell him I care very much for him and it's more than just a casual encounter for me.  But you do make sense with what you say, from a man's perspective.  LOL I guess i could do bat sh&t crazy things but I haven't so far!  But I understand some people do...there are a million stories out there like that.  I do want to sit back and enjoy it.  I have been for several months with none of this drama but for some reason something's gotten to me in the past week to drive me nuts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:46pm

I sent my AP a text over a weekend when I knew he wouldn't be able to respond.  I didn't want to tell him face-to-face, or even have a conversation about it.  I wanted to just get it out.  We didn't talk about it that next Monday when he was back home.  .  In fact, his early morning message to me that Monday was a not-so-romantic "What's up, chicken butt?"  LOL. It was several months before he would finally admit that he loved me, too.  And it didn't change a darn thing...but it was nice to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 2:22pm

Yeah the "let's avoid the subject for a while and hope it dissapears."   Well I didn't, after reading the post and calming down and thinking about it I decided I needed to keep it to myself and it really wasn't the right time.  I did talk to him a couple of times but that's about it. 

I think he thinks I'm mad at him but that's not the case, I've just been busy and trying to back away so I'm not stumbling head over heels.