I thought I was experienced in this ....
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| Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:56pm |
Well, greetings MAS board -- I'm not sure how many men post on this board, but I can't talk to a soul about my A so here goes ...
Just as background, I'm a 37 year old married father of two. I've been married almost 8 years now. I have a wife and sons that I dearly love, but over the past couple of years I have been craving more in the bedroom and, more recently, a bit more intimacy.
I was first becoming disappointed with my sex life about 3-4 years ago. I tried to talk to my wife about it, but seemed to get either brushed or laughed off. For a while I thought I was abnormal, a pervert, but after reading some of the iVillage sexual discussions, I realized this was not the case. All sorts of normal, everyday couples do some pretty wild stuff. This got me intrigued .... I felt like I could have these desires and still be normal.
About 3 years ago I finally took the plunge and had an affair ... I had never slept with another woman other than my wife, and couldn't contain my curiosity about what else might be out there. After the first experience, I was overwhelmed with guilt -- but apparently not that much guilt, because I went back to the same woman for more.
Over the next couple of years, I had some random experiences with two or three other women and chatted online with several more. Some of these experiences were good, some were bad. I was always very careful, both not to get caught and against STDs. None of these women ever knew my real name, where I really lived, or my real job.
Fast forward till a couple of months ago. In prior years I had briefly used an affair/dating web site (not sure if I can name the name due to TOS), and decided to take another look. There I met a cute woman, about my age, going through a divorce. We chatted on IM for quite a while and really hit it off. At first I was very hesitant to meet, because she lived nearby, and for "safety" reasons I previously liked to have APs at more of a distance. Anyway, the sex has been wonderful -- nothing like anything I've experienced. I have a desire to please her more than I've ever had with any other woman. She is also eager to please me, which is the sexiest thing I've ever experienced. I will admit: by society's standards, she is not as attractive as other women I've been with. She's not as attractive as my wife. But the gusto she brings to the bedroom is far sexier than looks could ever be.
We've been "together" for a while now, and meet maybe twice a week ... but chat online almost every day. We have both been clear from the start that we are not in this to change our situations. She knows I don't want to leave my wife, and I know that she has been with other men recently and is enjoying the single life. My problem is that I have become more emotionally attached to her than any other AP I have had. She truly is a friend, and I share with her things that I've never shared with anyone before. I get jealous when I hear about the people she's gone out with, or guys she's been with. Maybe this is a typical "emotional" affair, if so, it's very new to me.
Seriously, I have not felt this way about a woman in a long, long time. I cannot help but get a huge smile on my face when I see her log on to chat. I'm thinking about her all the time. I'm wanting to take her on trips and just hang out in a non-sexual way.
I don't really know what I'm looking for here .... I have no idea how long these feelings will last .... I guess just want to know that others are going through similar situations.
Can anyone just help me figure out what I'm feeling?
Many thanks

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LOL Lexi ;-) ....erm starving! Lol
***Bird nips over to some of the hmm ....more adult boards hoping to find spicy food*** ! Lol
See you over there Lexi !! LOL
Now see Mrbreastlover, this is what happens when hot monikered men nip over here! Total descent into ....food shopping! ;-)
Lol
Lol ... Here's the chair then, oh brave one! ;-) Please sit! Lol
It was all really a tongue in cheek but very real warning. These R often become much more than we ever imagined or intended them to be and are very difficult to disengage from, your connection is already there and chances are it will deepen unless you pull it back. With this woman you broke just about every rule you set to keep yourself safe from this sort of involvement happening, so ... ? How come? Was it about her? Or was it something in you? Some unconscious need to provoke change maybe? Risk taking?
I certainly think my A was my unconscious need for change, in the beginning at least. I could not have imagined how hard it would be to let go of or how quickly it got to that. Just be aware ...and be careful ...we don't want you running off to EAS before we've had our erm ...hunger satisfied! LMAO
Oh Lexi ! You are SUCH a bad influence! Lol ;-)
Bird
I don't have anything to offer other than what has already been said. So...welcome again...pull up a chair...dust off the beers and get busy with offering us all the man's perspective:-))
Hello Mr 'I have a fondness for mammary glands" :)
Cute name and welcome. It is great to have another man- I think we have 3 now? Nevereasy (fantastic advice), Bestplayer(Mr Toughlove) and now boob man :)
I agree with all the opinions posted so far. The initial heat certainly wears off after a while (thank God, otherwise we'd all make super mistakes).
The hardest thibg I have found in al of this is watching the 'heat' turn down. We are still amazingly passionate together and the s#x is great. But to see his romantic attention turn down a few notches has been very hard for me.
But the upside is that this journey has taught me sooooo much about myself. Im a fantastic person, popular, strong, smart but also lacking in self esteem and self discipline. So its gotta be a good thing that this A has shown me that, and now I can work on it.
Mr boob, if this is one of several A's, you may want to look at why. Whether this A lasts or not, the deeper issues that caused you to seek an A will always be there. Its not just about not having s#x at home. That may be a part of it, but if it was, wouldnt we all have taken the easier options available for random s#x?
Anyway welcome. I am sooooo heading over to the naughty area of iVillage to have a look.....
Iggyxx
Welcome mbl...
I have to say when describing yourself it could of been my lover of two years writing the post. When we met He called it 'married dating' and was looking for a 'happily married woman' to have fun with. We ended up falling madly in love. He still marvels that we know one another inside out and that he can tell me anything and everything. He knows me like no one ever has or will. Its called intimacy...love.
Keep posting.
Well, it's been a while since I posted anything in the "naughty" section so you might have a hard time finding me :)
Anyway, an update ... last night we spent several hours together and had amazing sex ... but we also had some of the deepest conversation we've had.
I learned a lot more about her and she learned a lot more about me. We didn't talk at all about our feelings for one another, just life, experiences, etc. This conversation didn't put out the flames, but it definitely toned them down a bit. It made me realize that I'm not in love with her, and reminded me that relationships take a lot of time to develop. In some ways it confused my emotions, but it also clarified a lot of them. When I got home I felt very comfortable, and this morning when I saw my boys I knew I couldn't ever leave them. I'm definitely not ending the affair right now, but think I am close to finding a good balance in my life. Hopefully this progress will continue.
Thanks again for all your advice ... and I'll try to start giving some on other threads here.
Thats a great place to be MBL- hope you continue to find balance.
Can I ask (as a man) what was it about that deep conversation that obviously made the whole thing a bit more real for you?
Your comments are interesting because from a woman's perspective, its those deep and meaningfull convo's that we love and make us develop even stronger feelings for the man.
Im interested why it almost dod the opposite for you.
Thanks mate
Iggy x
Hi iggy and others -
I thought I'd give a quick update. First, our conversation Tuesday night was not the most uplifting of talks. Both AP and I have suffered from depression, and lots of the talk was about those feelings ... what triggers them, how we deal with them, how they affect our relationship, etc. So it's normal for euphoric feelings to calm down a bit after something like that.
She has gone through a lot over the past few days and we have chatted quite a bit about some of her problems. She's helped me through some of mine as well. It's been an emotional roller coaster, but it's slowly getting more level. We'll see each other tonight for the first time since Tuesday, and we're both looking forward to it. She's reassured me that this is all she needs as far as relationships go, which makes me feel better. I'll let you know how it goes.
welcome abord, MBL..
another MM here in an A with a MW. Once in a while a few men, both S and M, post here, but not too often.
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