I told his wife...Everything
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I told his wife...Everything
| Thu, 09-25-2003 - 10:44am |
I haven't posted in quite some time. Just a little refresher..Have been involved in an EMA for 2 years. It was all that I ever thought I wanted. OM has been a friend for almost 20 years and we have both been experiencing our own marital problems. We had an amazing 2 years, we did as much as possible together and shared everything, or so I thought, on this roller coaster ride. I fell deeply, madly in love with this man, and he too fell in love with me. His confessions of love were unbelieveable. I felt like the most important person in his world, besides his son. We have been through an awful lot these past few years, an unplanned EMA, an unplanned pregnancy, which I terminated, the sneaking, the lying, the emotions, the passion, lust and want. Anyway, for the past few months he has been pulling away from me, said he needed some time to be alone. Said his home life was just miserable and he had to end things there before moving forward with me. I understood but was still hurt because he made me feel like I was his angel and he wanted and needed me in his life. Everyone in our circle knows about our EMA, of course, except for her. The past few times I saw him he was drawing himself more and more back. No physical contact. It wasnt always about the sex but that was the only thing that made me feel closest to him becuase I couldnt have him in my life nearly as much as I would have liked. Had a major discussion this past weekend and I just flat out asked him if he was in love with me. He said he didnt know how to answer that, that was my answer right there. On Monday at work I decided to write his wife a letter. I didnt put any details in this letter, just stating that I thought she ought to do some research and start asking people questions. I drove to her work and hand delivered it to her. I told her to call my husband, whom I am legally separated from since May. I gave her my cell # and asked her to call. Well, she did. And I told her, in a round about kind of way. After talking for a little while I asked her what she thought I wanted to tell her. She said, I think you guys had a fling. I said, okay. She said, Oh God, MORE than a fling? I said, umm, okay. Then she asked how long this has been going on. My answer..2 years. That was Monday night. Yesterday she called me again to see how I was doing. Would you believe that she apologized for her husband's actions?! She said that if I went into this knowing that that were fine in their relationship that would be a different story. I told her that was not the case. He made me believe that he was living in absolute hell with her, that he moved into the basement, that they dont have sex anymore, that they basically share a house. I asked her about them having sex. She said, yes, they still had sex, not as often, but yes. I asked if he lived in the basement. She said No, he stays in their bed with her. At that point, I let it all out, all except for the pregnancy thing. I gave her dates, places. I told her he was with me on New Years eve while she was at a singing gig with her band. I told her that he was with me on Mothers Day while she was out with her mother. I told her I knew about the "missing condoms" from his drawer. I told her he has a key to my apartment. I told her everything he has said about her and their relationship, and then some. Well, she decided to tell him about all of this yesterday. He told her that I was psychotic, that I was the biggest mistake he made, and that it wasnt about love, it never was. Fooled me! We made future plans together. I got my tubes tied for him so we wouldnt have any more pregnancy scares. I already have a 7 yr old son, he has an 8 yr old son. We were done with children. His confessions of love he made to me...I truly believed him. He was so sincere, so passionate. He was good!
Was I wrong to tell her? I have absolutely nothing to gain or to lose at this point. Any feedback would be appreciated. Sorry so long, but, I could have gone on forever. Theres alot more to this story.
~Feelin'
Was I wrong to tell her? I have absolutely nothing to gain or to lose at this point. Any feedback would be appreciated. Sorry so long, but, I could have gone on forever. Theres alot more to this story.
~Feelin'

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We don't need to explain why this was wrong. And I won't even get into whether the MM did anything wrong because it is not relevant. The fact is that this gal did what we all tell our kids not to do: tattle. And worse, she tattled when there can be absolutely nothing to gain from it. And far worse, she tattled when there can only be hurt as a result. The pain she caused must be immeasurable, and I don't understand why she would want to do that to the wife, regardless of whether the wife is good or evil. You just don't cause harm. Period.
Those are the facts regardless of the 'whole story', and whether or not you did the 'right thing' is irrelevant to those facts in the long run. It doesn't change them.
One thing that strikes me from your story: his W reacted to your news with a great deal of class and maturity.
I'm sorry for your pain and I truly hope that things work out for you.
Some people are not going to like what I'm about to say, but I don't really care. All is fair in love and war. I don't care about MM's W's feeling, as she doesn't care about mine. She in not my friend, and I don't expect her to be. People don't want to admit it, when you tell someone you will be together, and they dont follow through with it, that's war. You don't lie to someone like that and just expect it to be OK.
AND!!! if my MM's W don't leave me alone, she is going to get another surprise.
Question - So is his W still with him after you told her everything?
Im shocked - because my MM W suspects and I have told her he does not love her and basically what he has told me...and she still sticks around. She only has suspicions but does not ask straight forward and I have no said anything...unless she asks me.
Im just wondering...if she stayed and what did MM say to you and her?
As far as what is she going to do? Beats me. She had said to me tuesday that she's ready to pack a bag and leave. She said she can go to her mother's or a male friends house but then her H would think she has had something going on with this friend of hers, which by the way, everyone is suspicious of. She once told me that if she werent with her H that she would no doubt be with this OM. Go figure that. See people, there's an awful lot to this story. So, no, I have no idea what she is going to do, and no, I have not spoken to OM since this past Friday when he came to my place. Guess if anyone is interested I'll keep you posted as things arise.
~Feelin
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