I told his wife...Everything
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I told his wife...Everything
| Thu, 09-25-2003 - 10:44am |
I haven't posted in quite some time. Just a little refresher..Have been involved in an EMA for 2 years. It was all that I ever thought I wanted. OM has been a friend for almost 20 years and we have both been experiencing our own marital problems. We had an amazing 2 years, we did as much as possible together and shared everything, or so I thought, on this roller coaster ride. I fell deeply, madly in love with this man, and he too fell in love with me. His confessions of love were unbelieveable. I felt like the most important person in his world, besides his son. We have been through an awful lot these past few years, an unplanned EMA, an unplanned pregnancy, which I terminated, the sneaking, the lying, the emotions, the passion, lust and want. Anyway, for the past few months he has been pulling away from me, said he needed some time to be alone. Said his home life was just miserable and he had to end things there before moving forward with me. I understood but was still hurt because he made me feel like I was his angel and he wanted and needed me in his life. Everyone in our circle knows about our EMA, of course, except for her. The past few times I saw him he was drawing himself more and more back. No physical contact. It wasnt always about the sex but that was the only thing that made me feel closest to him becuase I couldnt have him in my life nearly as much as I would have liked. Had a major discussion this past weekend and I just flat out asked him if he was in love with me. He said he didnt know how to answer that, that was my answer right there. On Monday at work I decided to write his wife a letter. I didnt put any details in this letter, just stating that I thought she ought to do some research and start asking people questions. I drove to her work and hand delivered it to her. I told her to call my husband, whom I am legally separated from since May. I gave her my cell # and asked her to call. Well, she did. And I told her, in a round about kind of way. After talking for a little while I asked her what she thought I wanted to tell her. She said, I think you guys had a fling. I said, okay. She said, Oh God, MORE than a fling? I said, umm, okay. Then she asked how long this has been going on. My answer..2 years. That was Monday night. Yesterday she called me again to see how I was doing. Would you believe that she apologized for her husband's actions?! She said that if I went into this knowing that that were fine in their relationship that would be a different story. I told her that was not the case. He made me believe that he was living in absolute hell with her, that he moved into the basement, that they dont have sex anymore, that they basically share a house. I asked her about them having sex. She said, yes, they still had sex, not as often, but yes. I asked if he lived in the basement. She said No, he stays in their bed with her. At that point, I let it all out, all except for the pregnancy thing. I gave her dates, places. I told her he was with me on New Years eve while she was at a singing gig with her band. I told her that he was with me on Mothers Day while she was out with her mother. I told her I knew about the "missing condoms" from his drawer. I told her he has a key to my apartment. I told her everything he has said about her and their relationship, and then some. Well, she decided to tell him about all of this yesterday. He told her that I was psychotic, that I was the biggest mistake he made, and that it wasnt about love, it never was. Fooled me! We made future plans together. I got my tubes tied for him so we wouldnt have any more pregnancy scares. I already have a 7 yr old son, he has an 8 yr old son. We were done with children. His confessions of love he made to me...I truly believed him. He was so sincere, so passionate. He was good!
Was I wrong to tell her? I have absolutely nothing to gain or to lose at this point. Any feedback would be appreciated. Sorry so long, but, I could have gone on forever. Theres alot more to this story.
~Feelin'
Was I wrong to tell her? I have absolutely nothing to gain or to lose at this point. Any feedback would be appreciated. Sorry so long, but, I could have gone on forever. Theres alot more to this story.
~Feelin'

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I hope things work out for you. I am like you in a way where I just want the truth good or bad. Thats what I ask out of my MM -- you want to be with your W not a problem be honest about it dont make-up stories (which now reading your post - you never know)...hang the moon over your head. My feet are pretty much on the ground..and I am a very honest person good or bad...you ask I will tell you.
Im shocked how well his W has taken it and apologozed for his actions...I cant see my MM W doing that. And then the nerve of him after he told her your CRAZY then text you and say your an angel. AHHH NOOOO...that just dont cut it. Only you can decide what you want to do and if you want to continue with him...
Im curious to see if he called you and what he actually had to say...keep us posted or email me if you would like to talk TXSandy_98@yahoo.com.
BEST OF LUCK.
Sandy
I hope you don't think that we are being unsupportive because we have a difference of opinion. Feeling asked in her first post "Did I do the right thing?" and said that any feedback would be appreciated. Honest feedback was given, and I'm sure she was prepared to hear both sides. It does not mean that people don't feel for her situation and feel her pain. I know all too well her pain, as many of us here do.
BUT my thing is feelin came to this board for support. And yes she asked for advise/opinions and basically dont ask if you dont want to get your feelings hurt. I have been on this board and have been called just what she has by others HEARTLESS - HATEFULL - blablabla...I mean one thing is giving your opinion another insulting her. I feel if you have not been in that situation or something similar you have no right to judge and insult the poor woman.
Example another post on here from PR I believe - it said she never imagined being in an EMA but look she is...I said the same thing...So you really cant say OMG I will never do that thats just plain EVIL...well you know she had her reasons for doing that and unless you have been there you would know. Im sure she did not want to hurt his W - but she felt she needed to know. I know I would like to know if the person I was with was cheating. Would you like the moon to be hung and then taken everything away a big lie??? That would not feel too good..soo whether her intentions were good or not...it was painfull for her. And feelin is right - no one knows her situation except her.
You must be an angel sent from above, I am so lucky to have you back in my life.
You are my little life saver, you dont know what you do to me. I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even my wife, ever. I adore you. I am so in love with you, you mean the world to me, you are so precious to me. I would be a fool as to ever let you go. I would never hurt you. I would never lie to you. I want us to have a future together. I want to go camping. I want to get out of this town and be with you where I dont have to worry about looking over my shoulder. I want you to quit smoking because if I am going to spend the rest of my life with you I want you to live it out with me. I want to do things together with our kids.(good thing we never got them together, try breaking up a friendship between a 7 and 8 yr. old) He said his intentions were true. He gave me songs with meaning. He cupped my face and looked dead in my eyes and told me how much he was in love with me and that when he's with me there is absolutely no where else in the world he would rather be. Said, when he is not with me he misses me all the time and cant wait until he see's me again. Shall I go on...??? It's starting to hurt more. Dont think I can. Just got a text message from him. Said his life is sh&% and that he has not seen his son in 3 days and that he hopes he dies in his sleep. I cant frigging handle this. I know I created this most recent event but he was the one who initiated this EMA, not me. I thought nI had nothing to lose so I followed my gut instinct. My gut still tells me that I still love him and would never want to intentionally hurt him, or her, I mean it people.
I know the kinds of things he said to you, even without you posting them. I really, truly, honestly am horribly sorry for the pain you're going through. I feel for you and I hope that you get through this stronger.
Clearly he lied and misled you. Clearly he did the same thing to his wife. And clearly, he's hurting and confused too.
And so there is no misunderstanding, my only point in my earlier posts was that, no matter what the story is, I don't believe it's EVER the OW's place to contact the MM's wife and tell her what he's been up to. I think that's his responsibility, and only his. Nor do I think it is EVER in the best interest of the OW (in this case, you). If you still love him, there is no going back.
And I apologize that I gave my opinion at all, because from your replies it seems that your initial post was meant as a 'vent' post and not as a question as to whether or not you did the right thing. I must have misinterpreted what your intent was, and that is my bad.
~Feelin
p.s. I do appreciate everything everyone has responded. I honestly didnt think I was going to be such a hit, you know what I mean. Yes, my first post I was venting and looking for advice. All feedback is appreciated, good or bad. Thank you all. Will keep those of you interested updated. Just sent him a text asking if he wanted to talk. He has absolutely nobody to talk to, Im serious. He lost touch with all of his friends, that was his choice.
Thx again :)
He might be saying he wants to die to make you feel sorry for you and get some sympathy. Now take in mind I am not saying he is...but he just might. He obviously did not feel bad when he told his W you were crazy....
I know its hard...just as much sweet words he says to you keep your feet on the ground. I know its hard...a few nice words and we are like ohhh how sweet and all the problems disappear.
Just step back and look at things in every direction...thats all. I would confront him and ask him why he told his W all these things about you. That was not nice and if he trully loves you he would not do that.
NOT once has my MM talked bad about me to his W - she suspects about us but thats all. She has even told me that she has asked him to leave me alone and he has told her NO. I have told her if she thought I was causing the problems within their marriage I would back away...and I did try she appreciated my effort. BUT like I told her I said remember step back and look at things W...YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANNA BELIEVE..not whats there. I play a fair game and I told her if she really loved her H she needed to put her foot down. She said she has but he wont let me go...WELL LET ME SEE WHAT DOES THAT SAY...
hmm enough about me...ANYHOW I wish you the best and please keep your eyes open dont feel sorry for him after all the so called lies and then he tells his W something else.
HUGS - Sandy
No one has the right to make negative comments, simply offer advice, or perhaps ways you may have handled it differently but to make negative comments simply is childish.
Sweet
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