I told his wife...Everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
I told his wife...Everything
41
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 10:44am
I haven't posted in quite some time. Just a little refresher..Have been involved in an EMA for 2 years. It was all that I ever thought I wanted. OM has been a friend for almost 20 years and we have both been experiencing our own marital problems. We had an amazing 2 years, we did as much as possible together and shared everything, or so I thought, on this roller coaster ride. I fell deeply, madly in love with this man, and he too fell in love with me. His confessions of love were unbelieveable. I felt like the most important person in his world, besides his son. We have been through an awful lot these past few years, an unplanned EMA, an unplanned pregnancy, which I terminated, the sneaking, the lying, the emotions, the passion, lust and want. Anyway, for the past few months he has been pulling away from me, said he needed some time to be alone. Said his home life was just miserable and he had to end things there before moving forward with me. I understood but was still hurt because he made me feel like I was his angel and he wanted and needed me in his life. Everyone in our circle knows about our EMA, of course, except for her. The past few times I saw him he was drawing himself more and more back. No physical contact. It wasnt always about the sex but that was the only thing that made me feel closest to him becuase I couldnt have him in my life nearly as much as I would have liked. Had a major discussion this past weekend and I just flat out asked him if he was in love with me. He said he didnt know how to answer that, that was my answer right there. On Monday at work I decided to write his wife a letter. I didnt put any details in this letter, just stating that I thought she ought to do some research and start asking people questions. I drove to her work and hand delivered it to her. I told her to call my husband, whom I am legally separated from since May. I gave her my cell # and asked her to call. Well, she did. And I told her, in a round about kind of way. After talking for a little while I asked her what she thought I wanted to tell her. She said, I think you guys had a fling. I said, okay. She said, Oh God, MORE than a fling? I said, umm, okay. Then she asked how long this has been going on. My answer..2 years. That was Monday night. Yesterday she called me again to see how I was doing. Would you believe that she apologized for her husband's actions?! She said that if I went into this knowing that that were fine in their relationship that would be a different story. I told her that was not the case. He made me believe that he was living in absolute hell with her, that he moved into the basement, that they dont have sex anymore, that they basically share a house. I asked her about them having sex. She said, yes, they still had sex, not as often, but yes. I asked if he lived in the basement. She said No, he stays in their bed with her. At that point, I let it all out, all except for the pregnancy thing. I gave her dates, places. I told her he was with me on New Years eve while she was at a singing gig with her band. I told her that he was with me on Mothers Day while she was out with her mother. I told her I knew about the "missing condoms" from his drawer. I told her he has a key to my apartment. I told her everything he has said about her and their relationship, and then some. Well, she decided to tell him about all of this yesterday. He told her that I was psychotic, that I was the biggest mistake he made, and that it wasnt about love, it never was. Fooled me! We made future plans together. I got my tubes tied for him so we wouldnt have any more pregnancy scares. I already have a 7 yr old son, he has an 8 yr old son. We were done with children. His confessions of love he made to me...I truly believed him. He was so sincere, so passionate. He was good!

Was I wrong to tell her? I have absolutely nothing to gain or to lose at this point. Any feedback would be appreciated. Sorry so long, but, I could have gone on forever. Theres alot more to this story.

~Feelin'

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 10:57am
Goo, I’ve been reading some of the responses you have gotten from your posts… Wow, what a variety of comments. Hopefully you can draw some strength from all the support. (Now do you owe me $100 for every time you contact him or was it a one shot bet????)

ber...

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