I try to end, he won't let it go
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I try to end, he won't let it go
| Sat, 01-10-2004 - 10:54pm |
My A started about 6 weeks ago. I have known my MM for 2 years and we have had a great
friendship (nothing more than friends) before the A. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband and my MM had been there for my as a friend through it all so far. About 6 weeks ago he kissed me and the A started. He told me up front that he could not leave his wife for many reasons- financial and because of the kids. At first I thought that was admirable. I have never had an A before and never thought I would. Even though I knew up front this was going to go no where, the connection and the desire I felt for him was over whelming and I allowed myself to get involved with him. At first just being able to be with him physically was enough. I could deal with just talking on the phone or the few hours a week that we got to see each other. But the I realized that I was starting to fall in love with this man. I told him how I was feeling and he's feeling the same way but he is staying with his wife for now. He told me he knows this A not fair to me and I that I deserve more. He values our friendship and doesn't want to loose that because we started having an A. I too feel the same way. I told him last week that I could no longer go on with this because of my feelings for him. He told me he totally understands and I thought we had ended it. We see each other often because we work together. This has been almost a week ago. The first day he joked about it-"how am I suppose to keep from kissing you?"- but he was still compassionate. He apologized for any hurt that he had caused me and he felt guilty for allowing this to happen. The kidding around kept going. He was still calling me when he could. But we still both agreed that ending this was our only choice. Well tonight he showed up at my house and the next thing I know he's kissing me. He says he misses me and has been sad ever since this ended.He has very strong feelings for me.He can't sleep and he can't stop thinking about me. I can't keep doing this. I hate this back and forth stuff. I love him but I can't have him. I know he has strong feelings for me and I have felt this even before the A started. But I want a real relationship and he can't give that to me but he's not letting it go. HELP!
friendship (nothing more than friends) before the A. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband and my MM had been there for my as a friend through it all so far. About 6 weeks ago he kissed me and the A started. He told me up front that he could not leave his wife for many reasons- financial and because of the kids. At first I thought that was admirable. I have never had an A before and never thought I would. Even though I knew up front this was going to go no where, the connection and the desire I felt for him was over whelming and I allowed myself to get involved with him. At first just being able to be with him physically was enough. I could deal with just talking on the phone or the few hours a week that we got to see each other. But the I realized that I was starting to fall in love with this man. I told him how I was feeling and he's feeling the same way but he is staying with his wife for now. He told me he knows this A not fair to me and I that I deserve more. He values our friendship and doesn't want to loose that because we started having an A. I too feel the same way. I told him last week that I could no longer go on with this because of my feelings for him. He told me he totally understands and I thought we had ended it. We see each other often because we work together. This has been almost a week ago. The first day he joked about it-"how am I suppose to keep from kissing you?"- but he was still compassionate. He apologized for any hurt that he had caused me and he felt guilty for allowing this to happen. The kidding around kept going. He was still calling me when he could. But we still both agreed that ending this was our only choice. Well tonight he showed up at my house and the next thing I know he's kissing me. He says he misses me and has been sad ever since this ended.He has very strong feelings for me.He can't sleep and he can't stop thinking about me. I can't keep doing this. I hate this back and forth stuff. I love him but I can't have him. I know he has strong feelings for me and I have felt this even before the A started. But I want a real relationship and he can't give that to me but he's not letting it go. HELP!

Your problem is not reare around here if you read the thread that queen confused started you will pick up some info.
Dear it is your life and if you want it to continue to be your life and not a play thing for him you are going to have to lay the law down and mean it.
You are going to find out that some men that get into Affairs can be very manipulative to hold onto what there getting it can be taken to the point of cruelty.
I don't normaly suggest confrontation but you need to take back power over your own life, the suggestion that if he does not want his Wife to find he should leave you alone has been known to work wonders.
You may want to consider a move to a different dept or building to get out of reach.
The longer you let it go on the harder it will get to deal with the situation and your own emotions.
If this man was still in it to be a friends he would respect your wishes , suggest seeking out web sites that have Affair studies to help understand what is going on and what will happen.
BE STRONGE
FREE
Have to agree w/ Free. This man is thinking only of himself (common). Otherwise, he'd respect your wishes. Has your MM been in an EMA before? If so, how many and how long did they last? On gloryb.com they're referred to as cakemen because they want their cake and eat it too.
If you were married and wanted to see someone on the side, then this would be fine, you'd have a balance here. But you don't want someone on the side, you want the main entree and all this man can give you is a side dish. Like they say, the entree ain't good w/out something on the side. Well honey, you're it, the side, and is that okay with you? Doesn't sound like it. Would your MM be okay if you got a main man and he was your man on the side? For example, what if he stops by again and you were with another man??? He's being presumptuous in thinking that you're there, waiting for him. Something to think about.
Luvin