I want to be selfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
I want to be selfish
8
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 3:32am
Hi, I'm new here. I've been married for 11 years to a wonderful man. I had an affair with someone I worked with a few months ago. Since then he hasn't been out of my mind.I want to see him again.I find myself thinking how life would be with him.As for my husband,he loves me dearly. Shows me all the love any woman would desire. Is a wonderful father to my 17 year old daughter. Provides everything I would need or want. But I find myself wanting to be with this other man. I know it would not be any relationship that would work out since we are both involved. I am completely obsessed with the thought of him. How does one get over this. I find myself trying to make plans to be with him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:30am
I could have almost written your post. Been married for about 13 years now. Had my first EMA which lasted about 8 months. I just ended it last week. Have had NC with him. But I still keep thinking about him. How do you get over it? There is no future there for me and my MM and I am very happy with my H. So I decided to end it. But I still keep thinking about my MM and think about making plans to still see him. But I won't.

Any advice from anyone else regarding getting those thoughts out of your head and keeping it ended????
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:52am
I soooo know how you feel. I started a sexual affair, and now it has become an emotional affair. My H, too, is a good man, loves me, loves his kids, but I am so repressed when I am with him, and I selfishly need to be with this other man. There is no easy way through this, and I even have the added pressure that my H just found me out, and now I have to make a decision as to what I want. Talk about starting the New Year off wrong! Best of Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:37pm
Hello ladies... married for 10 years and 2 years into my A. My H is a great dad and loves me and my kids to death. I am surprised that your H actually gave to a chance to make a choice, he didn't leave? How on earth did you get found out? I am terrified of that happening to me, even writing on this message board is making me paranoid.

My MM is an old friend that I hadn't seen in 15 years, we ran into each other about 2 years ago and it was like electricity flying between us. It's funny, because we didn't date years ago, it just seemed so right place, right time, right now!

I would hate to hurt my H and my kids but I find is so hard not to think about my MM and want to be with him.

I guess I just want it all... to be selfish for once,not to be the wife or the mom but just be me and be wanted just for me.

Have a wonderful new year and the best for 2004

Happyagain38

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 1:52am
That is just how i feel happyagain38. I am so tired of being everybody's everything. I just want to be totally selfish and take care of me. For so long I wondered what I'd do when my kids were grown and gone because my life was all about my kids. The only thing I did for myself was work out regularly. Then something snapped. Now I never want to be home. My MM is constantly on my mind. It's all about me.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 3:11pm
See no one person can fill all of another's needs. If this were the case we would not need siblings, relatives, girlfriends, support boards. This is what you are doing. He fulfills a need which your H cannot.

The biggest irony is we go along our lives getting other people to fill all our needs. When in reality most women in this world are dying to give themselves what they crave from others. So give yourself some space and understanding. Go with the flow, seetie and take each day as it comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 9:41pm

Hi neo and welcome aboard,


Sorry this reply is just a tad late... but due to being away on holidays... I'm doing a bit of catch up.


I'm been married now for somewhat 9 years... I've been with DH all up about 16 years... we now have two children 4 and 1 and I started my EMA going on for 4 years ago this year.


There was a lot missing in my marriage... but DH is slowly beginning to prove himself and he is a good man... wonderful husband who I know loves me with all his heart... and he is a fantastic father to our children.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:57pm
Neo,

These are the stages.

First your infatuated, excited, WOW !

then comes the sneaking around.

Then comes emotionally attached.

Then comes the ( OMG!..now what??)

Then comes the tears.


TOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:51am
Thank you for all your words. Right now I think I'm in an attached phase. I'm planning on meeting my lover when my husband goes away. It's over a week and I can hardly wait. I know that as long as we each are in a relationship were only friends with benefits. Oh how I wish I could change that and be with him.