I want to let go, but I don't....UGH

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
I want to let go, but I don't....UGH
8
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 7:03pm

I posted here maybe a month or so ago. Then got directed to the EAS board. Then was told there maybe I can't let him go, as much as i was trying, because i didn't want to let it go. Then it hit me. If i wanted to let go so much, there are ways to do it, and I would have done it. something so simply said, really hit the nail on the head. "you don't want to let it go".


I'm a single mom (which is probably a huge target right there - available whenever

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 1:51pm

You've answered all your questions in your post. It's just a matter of you getting real and stop fantasizing. There's no future for you with this guy. He's stringing you along and not even in a nice way. Sounds like he have someone else beside you and the supposedly GF waiting on him on the side. His actions speak louder than any of his words. He gets away with being a jerk player because of women who has low self-esteem that lets him treat them with such disrespect.

You can do better.



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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 3:08pm
I am so sorry for your pain. I think many women search for that "affection from a man" many many times in their life, and hang onto less than desirable circumstances in order to have SOME attention rather than NO attention. I know. It's awful and it hurts. The leaving him alone part needs to be done NOW.....like RIGHT NOW....or I can promise you that you will be writing the exact same story AGAIN 3 months from now, and you know it. I've sooooo been there. Delete the facebook and the IM. NOW. just do it. It really won't hurt....I promise. Then the healing begins. Little by little, day by day, and once the fog of this unhealthy obsession lifts and you can breathe again....respect yourself again....you'll realize leaving WASN'T that hard, and wasn't that awful, and that you actually feel kind of OK. You'll get some pride back, hold your head up a little higher and be open for the next soul the universe sends your way. He may be trying to get into your life right now, but you are closed....and for WHAT??!! Keep us updated, sis....we are always here. ((hugs))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 3:16pm

thank you SO much. i know its what i think i should do,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 5:58pm
OHHHHH...I am SOOOO proud of you. Now it's facebook....which is even worse that IM because you have a constant little window into his daily doings. You can do it!!! Cry through it... make some coffee and turn on a good movie. Paint your toes. This is the new you!! I call it "cleaning things up a bit".....mostly the clutter in the mind game you've been involved in. Life will be oh, so simpler and more enjoyable. You go, girl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 6:06pm

Congrats on making that break..I'm starting to contemplate it more myself (my post is there also "we didn't know it was an affair").

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 6:27pm

I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 8:50pm

Take it from one that knows, NC is the ONLY way to go. I feel so much stronger when I stay out of contact, but as soon as I have to call him about our son, I'm a wreck again. Just hearing his voice makes me so sad, and I get so tempted to cave.

Try to keep busy. I found that even though everything in my heart SCREAMS not to date, I have pushed myself so that I can have some interaction w/ men, and it helps to pass the time. My heart isn't in it, and I surely don't think it will go anywhere as I leave my heart home whenever I go out. It has still been helpful. It's only been two or three or three weeks, and I have went out w/ 3 different guys. My heart still aches for AP, but it's sure is easier to ignore when someone else is showing interest, and attention.

Maybe I'm wrong for going out w/ these guys even though I have no intentions on forming any kind of relationship, or being intimate w/ them. I don't know. I don't tell them that I really care about them or anything misleading, because I wouldn't want to hurt anybodies feelings later. Maybe you guys can tell me if I'm wrong or not.

Well, I hope that you're able to do whatever it is that is right for you. Good luck, and try to keep your chin up. We are here if you need us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 9:45pm

Justice,


Go out with guys..even if your heart isn't in it all the way yet.